Wang Dang Ying Yang

Inspector Sidney Wang would probably not approve of what's to follow.  Or maybe just the cow on the wall wouldn't.

Which prompted Truman Capote's character to get twitterpated shouting "Moose..MOOSE!".

But I didn't bring up the old Neil Simon comedy Murder By Death for any relevant reason.  Other than my latest scammer claims to be Chinese:


I am Gu Kailai the wife of Bo Xilai, one of China's most influential politicians until he was stripped of his offices in 2012.
 
Read this link to have a better understanding: Gu Kailai - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I have decided to give out Donations to Charity, as the Government will not Stop until they have completely destroyed my Family. I do not intend to involve any member of my Family, as I will not want the money traced to them. This is why I have decided to contact a complete stranger who believes in Charity, to assist me give out the money to help the less privilege. I have decided to do this because if the Deposit is not cleared within the next 3-4 Months it will be Declared Unclaimed, and it will be returned to the Coffers of the Government. Will it not be better to have the Funds given to Charity than have it Claimed by the Government?

If You will want to be part of this Charity Work, I will need You to follow up with all I will state on this email. Firstly, I have very limited access to the Internet, so I will want to be very straight and detailed about what is required of You. The Money in question is an amount I deposited with a Chinese but a Bank in United Kingdom, as at the time of deposit it was deposit as a profit made out of Crude Oil from me and my Business Partner . This Amount deposited is a total of £11.4 Million Pound. In my present state all of this is not of value anymore, I will rather prefer to have the Money used for Charity work than have it claimed by the Chinese Government.

Secondly, the True content of this Money is known by the two of us now. As I personally made the Deposit during one of my Trips to United Kingdom, I had the Intention of having the Money Invested in Real Estate in the United Kingdom before we had problems with the Government. This was a means by which I transferred funds out of China without a trace, and I can assure You that if You do not Claim this money it will be declared as Unclaimed and have it returned to the Chinese Government. This is what I am trying to avoid, and why I need You to Claim the Money instead.

I know You will be wondering how You can claim the Money, this is  actually not an issue because when i was opening the account i made the bank to understand that the Next of Kin to the account is my business partner as all you need to do is to act/apply as the Next of Kin (Business Partner) to the Account. This is all You need to Lay Claim to the Money, You do not even need to Travel to the Office to Claim the Money as this might not be too safe for You. As a Beneficiary of the Money (by providing your name to the Bank) You will Order for the money to be transfer into your Private Bank Account in Your country, this is the normal practice and mode of Operation of the Bank. So it is completely safe and risk free, and the Money will be Transfer as a Claim from the Next of Kin.

This is what I would have done myself, if not for the problem myself and Family are now into. With my present situation I will only be able to give You the Name and Contacts of the Account Manager of the Bank that is in Charge in United Kingdom, when You Open Communication with the Account Manager as the Next of Kin by Stating your name and regarding yourself as my business partner You shall be inform by the Manager on how the transfer  will be made of which you will handle the transfer charge of the Money to your private account in your resident. I am unable to send You the transfer charge from here due to my present predicament, but I do assure You that the little amount for the transfer will be nothing compared to the Charity work and what You stand to gain.

I do hope You understand my Intentions, and why I decided to contact a complete stranger like You for this project. I believe after reading my above link, You will find a place in your hearth to try to help with this last wish of mine.


Bye,
Gu Kailai  


Very nice.  Not convincing, but very nice. 

Anyway, since my pet rock is in a box on his way to West Virginia, that pretty much left it to me to come up with a suitable response.  Suitable or not, where's what "Gu" gets back, along with having it forwarded to about 50+ of her peers and colleagues:

On Saturday, March 7, 2015 12:26 AM, Mrs. Gu kailai <gukailai01@gmail.com> had no idea that she wrote:

I am Gu Kailai the wife of Bo Xilai, one of China's most influential politicians until he had sex change and became stripper in 2012.
 
I had a feeling things begin go to Hell that day.

I have decided to give out tickets to see him/her perform at the Beijing NoTickeeNoWashee Theatre & House of Eggrolls.  Seems that the Government here will not Stop until they have convinced all of my family to has sex change and make a chorus line that will play all of the high end entertainment venues in North Korea in '16.  Since there aren't any, it'll be a short run.  

I do not intend to involve any member of my Family, as I will not want to see my rather ugly twin brothers, Ying and Yang, in drag.  This is why I have decided to contact a complete stranger who believes in Charity, to assist me by agreeing to have a sex change AND facial alteration so that I can convince Government here that you are part of my family that do sex change for chorus line tour of North Korea in '16.  

If You will want to be part of this Charity Work, I will need You to follow up with all I will state on this email. Firstly, I have very limited access to the Internet, so I will want to be very straight and detailed about what is required of You.  If you woman, you need stay that way; if you man, you need become woman.  I know doctor in Shanghai who specialize in vaginal implants using panda genitals.  He most good, since he one that fix my ex-husband up prior to her become stripper ("Good Golly Miss Molly" is her show name).  He must conceal what he do from Shanghai officials, but he operate under name of Dr. Moo Goo Gai Pan.  He also have egg roll special with each operation he do.  It good deal.  Really.

You note I not say "rearry".  In person I rearry do, but I find smellchecker pogrom that keep me from writing rike that.

Secondly, I am not able to be manager of sex change cabernet dancers group, so I expect you to be both parcipitant and manager.  You get 35% commission on all profits.  Don't expect any in North Korea tour.

I know You will be wondering how You can do all this and make it rook regitimate.  Ooops...sorry, need to restart pogrom....okay, I can type "L" again.  This is  actually not an issue because when i was opening the idea for the act to my ex I make Beijing NoTickeeNoWashee Theatre & House of Eggrolls partner in act.  That is how we introduce you into act as "tour manager" and latest family performer to join act.  I shall christen you "Madam ButthookFly", and you will do Dance of Virgins...from mammery.  Haha, I think that one up myself.  If Milton Berle still alive, he probably steal it for his act.

This is what I would have done myself, if not for the problem myself and Family are now into. With my present situation I will only be able to give You the Name and Contacts of the doctor to convert you and the Beijing NoTickeeNoWashee Theatre & House of Eggrolls contacts, where you will Open as Sister Act with my ex on May 1, 2015 for a trial run.  If you good, you got job.  If you suck, it depend who you do how far that take you.  I do assure You that the little things you need to do to yourself to make this happen will be nothing compared to what You stand to gain.  Don't ask me what you stand to gain; why you think I have you do this insteads me?

I do hope You don't quite understand my Intentions, and why I decided to contact a complete stranger like You for this project. I believe after reading my above email, You will find a place in your hearth to try to help with this last wish of mine.  My other wish was unspeakable, and involved photos of high placed officials leaving a Motel 6 with a llama.  It not going so well.  

 

 

I didn't get a reply from "Gu", though it's possible that this will net me a free egg roll from South Park's "Sh*tty Wok" Chinese Restaurant.  I wonder if an egg roll can have a sex change?