Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Western Union Agent Man

They've given him a number,
and taken away his name....


Johnny Rivers and Patrick McGoohan not withstanding.


I had a real fun exchange with a scammer claiming to be a Western Union agent who apparently operates more than one scam template at a time.  And confuses them.

Turned out all the fun was mine.

It all started with a generic email informing me that the UN said I was due compensation for having been a scam victim and that I was to contact the Western Union address with my name, address, etc.  It was done, and this is what ensued:


Payment Order #: WUMTE-52##09.26/6/2014
Dear Jack N. Ewehoff,

This is to confirm your application for the release of your grant award payment from the on-going United Nations Poverty Alleviation Program.
Your email address is listed among the 7 email beneficiaries approved for the United Nations Cash Grant / Donation this year 2014, and these funds are freely given to you to use for your business, education and personal development.
Be advised that it has been designated that the sum of $ 7,600.00 USD (Seven Thousand Six Hundred United States Dollars) be paid to you daily through the Western Union Money Transfer service as approved by UN, till the total amount of $ 1,500,000.00 USD (One Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) is paid to you.
As a matter of urgency, in order not to waste more of your time before you start receiving your funds, Please be informed that an activation fee for your first transaction must be paid before the Western Union Payment Center initiates your transaction.
And to this effect, the head of transfer department has not yet activated your first transfer of $ 7,600 USD.
But not to worry much, you will start receiving your daily installment's after we confirm your payment of $ 412.00 USD for your western union account activation, and after that your first installment of $ 7,600.00 USD will be released to you, and other installments will follow in 24 hours.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: Without your payment of $ 385.00 USD for your Western Union Account Registration / Activation, your name can not be activated in the western union database as the receiver of the funds.
You are advised to email or call this office to get details for the payment of your Registration / Activation when you are ready to start receiving your installment payments.
Once the payment of $ 412.00 USD is made by you, your first installment will be released after 12 hours and shall be made payable to you in any western union participating agent location of your choice.
Note: No deductions can be made from your funds because we where not authorized by UN to do so.
 Your complete $ 1,500,000.00 USD was deposited to Western Union by the Attorney of the United Nations Organization, and the funds must reach you in its fullest.
We await a confirmation of your email informing us when you want to settle your activation fee so you can start receiving your installment payments.
If you need to discuss this matter further, kindly provide us with your valid telephone number and a Western Union representative will call you as regards to your
Activation, You may also Decide to Call me personally @ 0060163523584 (+60163523584) to discuss the above issue .
Yours truly,
 Mr Young LileTelephone: 0060163523584
Western Union Payment Service  
 
 

Since I'm due the payout, why do I need to pay you $412?  Explain please.  
 
 

Dear Funds Beneficiary;
Western Union Payment Center has reviewed your message and we will need to clarify you on certain issues regarding your daily payment.
**All Western Union Beneficiaries would be responsible for the cost of endorsement and legalization of his / her documents. This is in accordance with section 13 (1) (n) of the IMF Transfer act as adopted in 1993 and amended on 3rd July, 1996 by the constitutional assembly.
** All funds presently deposited at the Western Union Payment Center must be activated by the Western Union Beneficiary as mentioned in our previous message.
** The fees for activation has been affixed at $ 412.00 and must be paid to the Activation Officer appointed by the Western Union Payment Center, Malaysia. The Activation fee cannot be deducted from the monies at the Western Union Payment Center and hence must be provided by the beneficiary of the daily payment.
** Declination from collecting your daily payment of $ 7,600.00 USD is an option and it is allowed; This will mean that the monies deposited at the Western Union Payment Center will be returned to the UN. In an event where Western Union Beneficiary is not fully convinced that this is a legitimate offer and not a hoax / scam; The Western Union Beneficiary has full right to decline from collecting the $ 7,600.00 USD. This can only be done by requesting a Western Union Disclaimers Form, to have your name totally removed from the entire Western Union Payment Center data base. A Disclaimers Form which contains a declaration of forfeiture will be sent to you should such a case arise.
** Having gone through the above paragraphs carefully, you now have two options. You may now decide to;
1. Provide the required activation amount, and thus have your payment activated.
OR
2. Request a Western Union Payment Disclaimers Form, to have your transaction cancelled and your name totally removed from the entire Western Union  Data base.
Get back to us, as we are already behind schedule.
Yours truly,

Mrs. Helen KuanTelephone: 00601 6254 3857  
 
 
I think I understand your point, but my point is that if the money is truly owed me, I am unable to understand why I am expected to kick in any kind of fee to get it.  That isn't how business works here.  Your thoughts?     
 
 
Their thoughts were apparently to hit one of obozo's 're-set' buttons or something:
 
 

 
Attention Beneficiary:
Please we want you to re-confirm your full information's to us to enable us start sending your fund.
Your name:
Your country and city:
Your phone number:
Copy of your passport:
With this we will start the transaction today.  Thanks  
 
 
I do not have a passport.  Would some other form of ID be okay?
Your name:                    Jack N. Ewehoff
Your country and city:   USA    Los Angeles CA
Your phone number:       323-***-****  
 
 
Now it starts to get funny, at least to me, as it becomes apparent that the scammer is running more than one scam, and has mixed his scams with yours truly:
 
 
You are welcome to the Western Union Money Transfer  Burkina Faso Office. First of all we apologize for our late respond. As per your mail, We in instructed by Mrs.Suzan Amadu, who is presently in U.K and them Authorize us to transfer the  Amount of Two Hundred Thousand US Dollars ($200,000.00 USD) via our services. The arrangement is that you will be receiving the sum of Five Thousand Dollars ($5,000.00 USD) on a daily bases until you have fully received the complete amount of ($200,000.00 USD). This is to avoid complications with our Western Union outlet in your city.

We have the first payment of $5,000.00 here but we agreed that you will come up with our transfer charges of $412.00 before we can give you mtcn number which you can use pick up this first payment in your city $5,000.00.

HERE IS THE FIRST PAYMENT INFORMATION.

SENDER NAME:::::::PATRICK OUN
MTCN::::::::::::::::::::::  
RECEIVER NAME::::::: JACK N. EWEHOFF
AMOUNT:::::::::::::::::::$5,000.00 USD ONLY
QUESTION::::::::::::::::: OK
ANSWER:::::::::::::::::::: OK
 
HERE IS OUR WEB SITE.  www.westernunion.com WE WILL SEND YOU THE MTCN NUMBER AFTER YOU SEND THE TRANSFER CHARGE TO US.

Send the $412.00 to enable us give you remain information so that you can pick up the $5,000.00. send it through our office Western union money Transfer  or money gram with the information below is one of our workers here:

 Name............... Ernest Okeke
Country............ Burkina Faso
City............... Ouagadougou
Text Question : .........Ok
Answer ......................Ok
AMOUNT.................. $412.00 usd only
MTCN.......................  
 
 
I'm sure that my urgent respond is highly needed.  But, but and but:  it appears some of the amounts have changed here along with why I'm receiving this fund in the first place.  Not that I'm one to stand on cere-money or anything...but beyond your obvious confusion, my final but: since the UN and/or Suzan Amadu is providing me this fund, isn't they/she paying the shipping fee?  Alternative to that, I authorize you to withdraw $412 from my first $5000 debit.   
 
 

THE REASON WHY WE NEED YOU TO SEND US THE $412 USD IS THAT WE TRIED TO DEDUCT THE TRANSFERRING FEE OUT FROM YOUR FUND BUT THE MINISTER ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUND OF BURKINA FASO TOLD US THAT NO ONE HAS ACCESS OVER YOUR FUND AS IT HAVE BEEN SIGNED AND STAMPED THAT NO MONEY SHOULD BE DEDUCTED UNTIL IT GETS TO YOU TO AVOID ANY MISUNDERSTANDING BECAUSE IF ANY ONE HAS ACCESS TO THAT IT WILL INVOLVE YOU LOOSING YOUR FUND.
 
SO WE WILL ADVISE YOU NOW TO SEND THE TRANSFER CHARGE TO US, I PROMISE YOU THE SAME DAY YOU SEND THE TRANSFER CHARGE YOU WILL RECEIVE YOUR FIRST $5,000 THAT'S ONLY PROMISE I CAN GIVE YOU NOW. 
THANKS.
 
DR.PATRICK ONU.
WESTERN UNION AGENT.  
 
 
Well, since the fund has been declared mine, I am hereby approving Western Union to make said deduction of $412 USD from my first scheduled payment.  You may forward this email to the bank as proof of my authorization.  
 
 
Is not possible. If you need your fund send the transfer charge or come down in person here that is all can be done now.  
 
 
How would I go about coming down there in person?  Explain that option, please.
 
 
What explanation do you need from us? If you want come down here to see everything by yourself is better look for visa and come you have our office address then you will sign some document that will give us order to deduct any fee from your fund you are only person who can do that here in person.  
 
 
That sounds reasonable.  Where are you specifically?  How best do I come there?
  
I'am in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, here is our address again No,12 Koudougou Street, Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso, Tel number: +226 78 39 94 80 if you land at Burkina Faso airport call us with the number if you can't locate our office we will come and pick you.  We are waiting to welcome you soon.  
 
 
(I'm sure they are LOL).
 
 
Let me do some research on how to fly there and I will let you know if it seems practical to make the trip.  I have never been to Africa, and the thought of foreign travel does entice me.  I will advise.  
 
 
OK, We are waiting for you.  
 
 
Well, it was a nice thought for a moment.  But you want me to wire you $412, and it would cost me at least $4000 to travel to Burkina Faso and back.  Plus, the travel agent I spoke with said that Burkina Faso is not a safe place right now, and with the ebola outbreak in Nigeria, may be even less safe.  So I guess I have to send you the money, right?  
 
 

The virus called ebola outbreaks is not in our country is not in all Africa counties the virus is in some of Africa counties but not all and that will stop soon. Since you can not come down again and you want to send the transfer charge to us no problem with that, Go ahead and send it with the information giving to you before. After you send the fee forward us the payment slip as soon as we receive it you will receive your first payment the same day. 
Below is the information you will use again:
 Name: Ernest Okeke
Country:Burkina Faso
City:Ouagadougou
Text Question:Ok
Answer:Ok
AMOUNT:$412.00
MTCN: ......................
We are waiting for the payment information from you.  
 
 

I have the money to send...just explain to me why I am sending it to someone in Burkina Faso?  How is it that the money for me wound up there?  
 
 

WE HAVE EXPLAINED EVERYTHING TO YOU BEFORE, REASON WHY WE NEED YOU TO SEND US THE $412 USD IS THAT WE TRIED TO DEDUCT THE TRANSFERRING FEE OUT FROM YOUR FUND BUT THE MINISTER ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUND OF BURKINA FASO TOLD US THAT NO ONE HAS ACCESS OVER YOUR FUND AS IT HAVE BEEN SIGNED AND STAMPED THAT NO MONEY SHOULD BE DEDUCTED UNTIL IT GETS TO YOU TO AVOID ANY MISUNDERSTANDING BECAUSE IF ANY ONE HAS ACCESS TO THAT IT WILL INVOLVE YOU LOOSING YOUR FUND AND WHY IN BURKINA FASO IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOME FUND THERE WITH US IF NOT YOU WILL NOT BE SENDING MONEY HERE.   WE ARE GIVING YOU OUR FULL ASSURANCE THAT NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR FUND AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE TRANSFER CHARGE WE WILL START YOUR TRANSFER IMMEDIATELY.  
 
 
Just so I understand this fully:  if I send you an email authorization to allow you to deduct the $412 from my account for the fee, officials there will not accept that authorization from me, even though they have authorized this account payment to me without any documentation from me heretofore?  It seems to me that the officials there are backwards in their operations and thinking.  Clarify that for me and we can proceed.  
 
 
Thanks for your mail, I have asked about that on your behalf before but them said no authorization will be accepting here if not the receive to send transfer charge or come down in person here. My dear the only thing will be done here is you come down if you don't want to send the transfer charge again.  THIS IS AGREEMENT BETWEEN US, MRS SUZAN AMADU, AND MINISTER ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUND OF BURKINA FASO.  
 
 
So I guess the UN is officially out of it now?  'Prolly just as well...crooked bastards:
 
 
Well, I guess that's it.  I send the transfer charge, come down in person, or allow this opportunity to slip through my fangers.  I guess I'll send the transfer fee.  
 
 
Thanks for your mail, We are waiting for the transfer charge soon so that we can carry out the transfer.  
 
 
I regret that I won't be able to do this until Thursday.  I hope that is okay?  
 
 We don't know what the condition is that make you keep delay send the fee  But we are waiting for the fee tomorrow been Thursday as you promised again please try your best and send the fee tomorrow so that we can start sending your fund to you.  

Time for some of those good ol' Seymour PetRock $100 bills again, of which five I attach to the email along with this:

 
I am sending the fee today.  I am actually sending you extra so as to make up for my being late.  Do you have a good quality color copier?  
 
 
Hello,  What is this? We don't understand  
 
 

Oh, I guess I should have explained.  Sorry.  You download the attachments in the previous email.  Print them off on a quality color copier.  And then you cash them at your bank, and wha la, the fee is paid.  And I sent you an even $500, so there's enough for you to take the wifey out for dinner or something.   I hope that clarifies it for you.   So what will be my wait time on receiving my ATM card?  
 
 
soon   
 
 
I do believe he's pissed.
 
 

 
Excellent.  Don't you just love it when everything works out exactly as God intends for it to?  
 
 
are you for real?  
 
 
Of course.  Every bit as real as Suzan Amadu, the UN and your email offer.  God is working well here, don't you think?  I am assuming, of course, that you believe in God, and not in an empty soda pop bottle.  That would be most unfortunate for you if you believed in an empty soda pop bottle instead of God.  If that were so, you wouldn't have got the fee payment I sent you, you know?  
 
 
there is something wrong with you  
 
 
Well yes...I didn't know it showed from here.  I have gas.  
 
 
you have waste my time?  
 
 
That and probably anything else with olfactory capabilities within range of one of my farts.  I can package one up and ship it to you if you wish.  
 
 
stop nonsense already.  if you don't want your fund say so.  
 
 
Heck, fella, of course I'd take it.  I paid you for it didn't I?  
 
 
don't write to me no more you stupid man  
 
 
And just when I thought we had a working relationship.  I think that I will keep writing to you because we have a working relationship, y'know?  
 
 
stop now.  i know who you are.  
 
 
I hope to tell you that you do...I gave you all my informations, y'know.  I said to myself, "Jack, he knows you now", and myself said "damned straight he do".  So see, I know you know me.  It's good to know people.  People who know people are the luckiest people in the world.  Unless the people you know have gas.  Then not so lucky.
 
 
please stop writing.  
 
 
Okay, give me your phone number and we can start talking instead.  Can you hear me now?   I can fart on the phone...there's nothing like hearing one to believe it.  
 
 
I am sorry to say that my scammer will not get to hear my character fart on the phone.  Particularly since my pet rock had turned on the exhaust fan in preparation...
 



 

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Seymour looks so good on those fake $100.00 bills. Yes he does.

Another great round of playing with an idiot. Love it.

Have a fabulous day. My very best to Seymour. ☺

26 August, 2014 09:20  
Anonymous Debbie said...

$5,000 a day??? interesting

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

28 August, 2014 17:33  

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