Wednesday, August 13, 2014

No Scam 'Til Brooklyn

I think the original song was No Sleep Til Brooklyn...but who cares?

Would you certify that this is, in fact, a check?

I would. 

And that will come in useful here.

Meet Michael Hammod.  All around scam guy.

Here's his opening gambit:


Dear Sir/Madam,
You have a lien funds still unclaimed. I urge you to send back a swift response so that i can give you more details on the discrepancies that is holding back the funds and how it can be released to you before the end of this fiscal year.
Waiting to read from you soon,
Thank you, 
Mr. Michael Hammod  
 
 
And Ol' Ben Dover is up to the task:
 
 
Swiftly responding.  So what's your version of the hold up?

 
Dear Ben,
Thanks for your message which is a clear indication that you have giving me a chance to get involved with you on this. In the interim here's the detail of the best way to get the funds to you without any more interference like you have encountered in the past.

It's obvious you've gone through road blocks, tough times yet it's hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. The truth is you have met all the requisite to receive these funds but all attempt to do so has met brick wall until now that I am swinging my full weight in pursuant of funds. To start with, I have crossed the T's and dotted the I's to come out with this simple payment methodology.

All we need is Notarize and apostille all the paper work that will back up the MT COV payment I am about to suggest. The MT COV payment is the last resort to get your funds to you. And If you must know that an MT COV payment is the agreement to cover the funds related to an underlying monetary movement.

In other words it goes out in two payments instructions from the sending and the receiving bank. The first COV payment order is wrapped up in a SWIFT MT 103 message. This message will be sent from the paying bank instructing the bank of the receiver of the payment, that is your bank to pay the receiver, you a certain amount wrapped up in the first MT 103 message.

There is then a second message MT 202 from your bank upon reception of the MT 103 message from the sending bank. This is better said, it is used as bank-to-bank instruction. It is easiest to wrap it up by saying that the bank paying the person getting the money has to receive a valid MT103 or MT202 SWIFT message.

However, to get that message, it quite often involves other banks, Clearing houses because these monies are moving across Boarders, Countries, Regions and Geographies, and those banks in the middle move these messages around too.

Therefore, the two messages are separated. The receiving bank and sending banks will see both legs of the payment, MT103 and MT202; but the banks in the middle, the ‘intermediary banks’, only see the MT202 messages.

For example, intermediary(world bank and fed reserve, and apex banks and clearing houses) cannot tell the difference between MT202 messages in the money movement which makes it a lot more easier and safer to receive the funds without encountering any cul de sac .

The question now is, "Do you have copies of paperwork showing you as the beneficiary of funds so we can proceed with the apostilles and notarization. If you have them can you forward them to me ASAP and if you don't we can proceed to work with the CTC!  
 
 
The copies you speak of I am not in possession of.  If you have an alternative method to procure them, by all means initiate it.  



Dear Ben,

Sorry for the delays....I understand you don't have all the paperwork but it is not important as it stands now.  I want you to know that the discrepancy started during the transfer and release process. How could they be so myopic to jump ship the normal legal process and tend to want to play a fast track in the acquisition of original paper work to back up the source of funds? Meaning that some documents you might have received in the past could have appeared real but they can't make a match for the originals.

In short,  these officials were so blinded to the truth that they opted to go through an inside arrangement which kept boomeranging and calling for unending demand for cash to cover for their incompetence, forgeries, boycotts and regrets for not doing what is in conformity to the monetary policy.

This can be broken down by saying that these officials wanted to get a grip on the funds by crook or cranny without doing what they ought to have done.  Although It happens everywhere, and people prefer taking a shorter approach or better put as "fast track" to get what they want.

Such wrong step will keep flopping and blowing more whistle, raising more eyebrow to call for more and more money when they could have just simply done the right thing. Anyway, let's leave by-gone and face the truth of why these funds were not paid out and what we need to do to get these funds.

To start with, I have re confirmed if the money can still be claimed and how it can be claimed. I will not fail you is all I can say for now if you permit me to go ahead. I am an independent adjudicator but not practically attached to the profession because of the position I occupy as an ombudsman...

We don't get paid except after the completion of work . We are usually appointed by the government or by parliament, but with a significant degree of independence, and charged with representing the interests of the public by investigating and addressing complaints or violation of rights.

I have good resume and I have worked in reputable places like the FDIC in 2010, before I was selected to work in the - Basel Committee on Banking Supervision. This committee supervises all Central bank transactions across the globe. And that was where I came in contact with your real file that was encrypted and can only be deciphered by my team.

To say the least, whatever we have to do must still call for an out of pocket money because of the documents you don't have in hand and that is just the simple truth. I'm not rich except that I am going to be richer when you pay me my commission after seeing the transfer of your funds till completion. I'm not asking you this money to put it in my pocket but to get the CTC notarized and apostille and to make that happen we'll need to get the following:


*A written statement of defense of an accredited Notary Agent, obtained within 24hrs . This incurs a fee of $600 for the first document and $200 for each subsequent document completed simultaneously.


*Preparation of documents is charged at the rate of $200 per document (for example the production of a full notary certificate is required.)


*Visits made outside office hours by the Notary and the independent adjudicator or at the week-end or bank holidays normally incurs a charge of $500 and reimbursement of Transportation costs.


*The cost of the apostilles stamps varies, depending on the Notary. If there is a material amount of work over and above the normal notary service, a charge is made for “input into transaction”. This is based on $10 + vat per hour. But we can work it out with $500 bucks for a waiver.


*Scanning is $10 per document.


*Disbursements are usually incurred on behalf of clients and then invoiced accordingly, but on occasion pre-payment is required, e.g. documents for Financial purpose stamps are $400 each x2=$800

*Binding and typing $30


A total of $2,840 will be the above cost to get a legal ground without having to drag matters for too long. The choice is yours and I am too big to start going over and over something I am sure I can do. You have my 100% assurance and that is my bond for you. Let me know your thought about how possibly you can make this amount available to finalise the notaries and apostilles to back up the MT103 COV payment. I can help with fifteen hundred bucks to support you if you can source the rest amount from your family member or get an over draft or  loan from your bank to solve this problem once and for all.  



This is going to cost me $2800?  I hadn't anticipated that.  This is going to take some time.  
 
 
BD,
Sure, you didn't anticipate it and that's why I am going to assist you with eighteen hundred if you can come up with just a thousand dollars. Can you make it happen before Tuesday? I might not be able to keep this cash for too long because it's my nest egg that i intend to use for my utility bills. Can you give me a phone number i can reach you on?  




I will do my best to come up with $1000 by Tuesday.  


BD.,
Ok, very well then. Should i send you the info for wires on Monday? Let me know if you intentionally didn't send your phone number that i asked to get from you.  



I am hard of herring which is why I am usually not very good with phone calls.  You may communicate all that you need for me to know here.  
 
 
BD,
Ok, understand you completely and maybe we have to leave all communique on the email. After all, you are swift in responding to my messages so it is needless to get emphatical about you sending me your phone number. We can communicate here better. Sorry to ask you this question,"are you impaired in anyway that I should know?" Or is it that you have difficulty understanding speech on the phone?  


My problem with the phone is herring the caller, even with a phone amplifier.  I can speak fine.  I just can't communicate well on the phone due to the herring. 


Ok, I'm cool with your explanation and I think we should just leave our communication here. Should I send you the info for the wires of the $1000 you want to send  on Tuesday?  


BD,
I have asked several times if it's ok to send you an information to send the money to the notary agent but I have still not received a response from you. This was why I requested to have your phone number so I can call you in matters of utmost urgency. I am sitting on pins and needles until I get your response.  



??  


Once you send me the information on how/where to send the money, I can attend to it.  
 
 
MH, send me what it is you need from me (aka, instructions, etc) and I will take care of it.  I don't think it needs to be complicated.  
 
 
BD,
I was worried when I didn't get an email from you. Send the money to:

First name: Akeem.                       

Last name: Olushola,                           

3325 neptune ave brooklyn 11224,
New York City, US.

Where are you sending the money from?  


will be sending the money from Central City, Colorado.  My address is:

Ben Dover
*** G****** Street
Central City CO 80427

I'll get it on the way as soon as possible. 
 
 
BD,
I haven't heard a word from you to know if you have wired the money. Can you bring me up to date on what is going on.  
 
 
Now, since "MH" was so accommodating as to send me an actual street address for this Akeem Olushola -- which lists to low incoming housing in Brooklyn -- instead of faking a WU or MoneyGram, or sending one of my inauthentic Seymour PetRock hundreds, I reckoned a certified "check" would be the ticket.  So I made one up, made it out to Akeem, payable for a thousand "sumpin er others at wherever good scammers cash certified checks like this 'un", and mailed it to him via USPS.  This I am only too happy to inform MH:
 
 
Absolutely.  Since you sent me the recipient's name and address, I took that to mean you wanted me to send him the money, so I sent Akeem a certified check for a thousand.  He should receive it via USPS in 3-4 days.  
 
 
And this draws a predictable reaction from MH, which leads one to wonder if "Akeem" actually lives there or that's just a 'borrowed' address.  You'll notice with each following email, MH gets more pissed off:
 
 
BD,
I'm beginning to feel unease especially now that I don't have a phone number to reach you. If I had your phone number I would have probably called you to remind you of the coherent arrangement we had about getting the money wired directly to the agent. I know you might have a lot going on and perhaps you didn't have a spare time to do it yesterday but I'll appreciate if you can send me an email to let me know what happened and when I should expect to get the wire info. Which of the money outlet do you intend using? I would prefer you use Money gram so he can pick it same day and within the hour,  the agent will get to work. I am waiting eagerly to read from you as soon as you receive this mail.
  


BD,
This mail came in shortly after I sent the last message. This wasn't our arrangement at all. I didn't tell you to send him a certified check and how could you have done so without first informing me?? You have to nullify or cancel  the check and send it via money gram to him. It will be easier for him to pick it up via Money gram and do the needful instead of waiting for 3-4days which we are not sure it will arrive then. It still has to take 5-6days to clear in his account, Why did you make such expensive mistake?? Can you send him the money today and reverse the check if it's possible.   



I just did email you that information, Michael.  I have sent a certified check to the agent you listed, and to the address you gave me for him.  I have often used USPS for mailing certified checks, and I have never been disappointed.  Neither will he or you.  He'll have the certified check in 3 or so days, and you can proceed with the transaction.  I promise it will work out as all things like this God intends to end deseervely.  
 
 
I am not understanding your displeasure here.  The check is mailed and I cannot recall it now that it is in the hands of the USPS.  And as I said, it is not a personal check...it is a certified check.  That means that it is a 100% certified check, no question.   Akeem will have no problem with it upon receipt.  I have never had a problem with this form of money transfer and you should have faith that it will work out as God intends for such things to work out.   
 
 
 There's no displeasure here.....It's only normal if you told me before issuing a check on that name. I told him the money will be wired via money gram and will be received same day and that was why the agent agreed that the money should be sent to him since it's a day transaction. It doesn't make sense to me that we are trying to work with a time scale pursuant of funds and here you are causing us unnecessary delays by doing what you ought not to do. You are only looking at when the check will arrive the address but you are not looking at how many days it will stay in his bank to clear.  I am sorry it will not work that way. If you have issued your check in that name already then the check can be cancelled since he is not going to cash it. The USPS is a United Parcel snail mail and I am sure it didn't cost you anything to send it.  So do the needful by sending the money via money gram, Don't let us argue about this because the check thing will not work.
I hate to be inconsistent with my words. I gave my words to him that the money will be sent via Money gram and not a certified check. It's a wrong thing to do because it will take approximately 7-8days minimum for the check to arrive and clear.   



IT WILL NOT WORK. GET BACK YOUR CHECK AND SEND THE MONEY GRAM!!!!!  


I said to you that I already mailed it.  There is no "getting it back" once it's in the hands of the USPS.  It is sent to your agent and you can let me know when he receives it.  I am going to bed now and I don't want to hear any more you acting mad when you have no justifiable reason to.  I met my responsibility.  The certified check is on its way.  You'll see.  


And he will, if there's anything authentic with him and that address he listed.  In the meantime, ol' MH is suspecting that Ben ain't what Ben claims to be:


It sounds to me like you are joking....  


You make me almost wish I could recall that check from the mail with a stupid comment like that, Michael.  You contacted ME for this deal, remember?  I took your word on faith and sent a certified check to your agent.  I think you owe ME an apology.  That's what I think.  


BD,
The check better show up for your sake.  


MH, I don't drink sake, but I assure you that with all my experiences with the USPS, the certified check will arrive as sent.  You'll see.  


Hi B.D,
I am sorry for getting you angry with my words. You just don't get what I was trying to let you know. You got it all wrong and i would say it's all my fault. I have read through our previous email and the message I sent you with the info to make the money available to the agent. In the mail I discovered I didn't specify how the money should be sent, and you probably did what you had to do to get the money across by all means possible to the agent. Getting the cash through check to the agent was not a bad idea but you would have atleast asked me if the agent will accept a cashier's check. Plus, it would cost us more money to keep the agent waiting for more than the days I outlined in my email as it incurs additional charges by the agent per visit during office hours. And coupled with the fact that it will take us through the next week to wait on the check to clear. Let's agree that sending out the cash via check is a wrong step in the right direction  because it will cost us more money and waste us time. So don't get it twisted that i am making stupid comments when I know  exactly what I'm talking about. I wanted to keep my word so that we won't have to spend more than the amount i stated in my previous email but as it stands now we might still need to come out of pocket with an additional $1,000 to cover for the agent's visits and transportation and that's exactly my point.   



 I am fail to understand how you're explaining this.  The certified check is on its way.  There is a reason I sent it certified.  Certified checks sent via USPS have never failed me.  And when you provided me the address of the agent, I saw this as a legitimate means of delivery.  In any event, it is on its way.  He will have it in a couple days or so.  You let me know when he does.   


It's settled that he will receive the check in couple of days from now but what I said in my previous mail simply means that we will be charged extra days by the agents who already have commenced work when i sent out my part of the funding. We will need a thousand bucks because is $250 per the number of days the job was delayed. We can wrap it up for $1,000 so it means we need a thousand dollars in addition. What is not clear in this explanation???? Let's try and understand each other very well before we write.  


Tweaked him once...let's do 'er agin:


I think I've been very clear what I write.  I don't need the insult.  And what's this sh*t about another thou?  Do you think I have money coming out my ears?  For me to come up with another thou will take me into next week.  How does that factor in?  Will you want another thou next week, and when I need more time for that, another after that?  I sent what you asked me to send.  If you keep adding extra and time constraints that require extra still, you'll price me right out of this.  Clearly understand that.  


It takes him a day to digest that, then comes this:


It's day 3 already and the check is yet to arrive...Can you reconfirm the address you sent the check to? What are going to do about the other $1,000???  


The address I sent it to is the same you sent me:
Akeem Olushola
3325 Neptune Avenue
Brooklyn NY 11224
As for this extra funds you demand, I'm not going to do anything about it until you confirm that Akeem has received the first certified check.  I couldn't raise a second grand before the middle of next week at the earliest.  As I told you, I am not made out of money.


Now we're back to the *Jeopardy Theme*...at least until this email:


BD,
How's the weekend? I guess you are doing just great! The address you sent it to is the correct address and I am using this medium to apologize for being so unprofessional and myopic in my judgment about your action. You took the right step and I'm sure the check will be received by Monday if all things being equal. When that happens i will let you know. The most important thing is for us to be able to pay the agent for the days we are going to keep them waiting to complete their job. I  have told you what it would cost us to do so and I don't know if I am to take your word that you will be sending the other $1,000 by the middle of next week via money gram so they can receive it same day. Have we agreed that the middle of next week will be just fine for you to raise the second grand??  



No, we haven't agreed to that as yet.  You haven't clarified for me why a second grand is necessary.  What I told you is that it would take me into the middle of next week to put that together; I haven't yet agreed to, nor have you convinced me of the necessity of it.  So let me know when the agent gets the certified check, and then we'll see.


Seriously...if he wants another "thou", my character can snail mail out a second "certified check", since I made a copy of the one already enroute.  In the meantime...it's Monday, and "MH" is getting antsy:


BD,
There's no sign of check here and no tracking information or details on the follow up of  the movement of the check. It will be a lot easier to send me a tracking information to locate the check. I will expect such information as tracking number and the date of dispatch and delivery.... The next money will not come in check as it will complicate more issues for us. You will have to use a money gram outlet. We are already have a set back getting the next check and this is day 5 already. We can't afford to spare any more time. Let me read from you as soon as you receive this mail.  



It sure sounds to me like you have complicated this matter much moreso than was necessary, MH.  It was pretty straightforward and simple before you complicated it.  The certified check I sent should arrive today...tomorrow at the latest.  If I decide to send a second certified check, I will let you know.  Stop focusing on what you consider negatives...start focusing on what's been accomplished, starting with you receiving the certified check.  


My character has no doubt about how his focus will work once he receives that "certified check".  Better still, he has a second one enroute, since I went ahead and mailed it out...why should he lack for the old Doublemint Gum saying, "Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun"?


Meantime, the waiting game for the first "check" continues:


Is it difficult to send me the tracking number ???? It will help locate the check and not until we fold our hands and wait for it to arrive here. Send me the tracking number and the information I requested earlier. Do so ASAP!! Sending another certified check is not necessary at this time other than the advice I gave you to have the money wired via money gram. It's a simple thing to do unless there's something you are not telling me....  


Yes it's difficult to send the tracking number, because there ISN'T one you ninny.  I used the US Postal Service.  First Class Mail.  One certified check inside of one security envelope, addressed to Akeem Olushola and one 46 or 48 cent stamp.  No tracking number.  No receipt.  The method has never failed me, and it won't this time either.  So if it didn't arrive today, it'll arrive tomorrow.  Damn it, MH, exercise a little patience before you pop a vein or something. 


Why are you insulting my intelligence and commons sense?? You didn't tell me you used a first class mail with security envelop. Yes, you are right that the USPS does not automatically assign a tracking number but sending such package will entail you to fill up the green form(ps form 152), and on the side is the delivery confirmation number-----that is the tracking number i was referring to. Such number is also printed on the receipt because you paid around 48cents for sending such sensitive package. It doesn't go well with me when you insult me especially when I know I am right. If you did send the check, then you would have the confirmation number or the receipt  to show that you actually sent it. This is what i have requested from you and not to be insulted if you don't have it.  I am not doubting that you sent it but it is taking time and this week is almost coming to an end. Most cases, the USPS might have a one or two days delay in their delivery or  in some cases packages might not get to the recipient and that is why I am concerned. Don't let us argue about this issue because it will not do us any good to start going back and forth on a simple case as this. What I have asked that we do is to make provision to get the other one grand across via money gram so we can use it for the completion of the notarization process while we wait patiently for the check to arrive it's final destination before the week runs out. This is all i have asked and not to be called names.  


I said that I sent your agent a certified check, NOT a certified letter.  I never said the letter was certified, only the check.  That is why I called you a name.  You were doubting my sincerity and competency in an earlier email, MH.  As for your common sense, that has yet to be demonstrated.  But when your agent gets the certified check -- and I am sure it will be today -- you'll see that all is as God intended.  That much I am sure of.  Let me know when he gets it.  


And boy, did "MH" let me know that Akeem Olushola got it:


YOU ASSHOLE!  THAT WHAT YOU MAKE ME WAIT FOR???  YOU ARE MAD YOU IDIOT!!!   


Ah, so your agent DID receive the certified check.  See?  I told you that I sent you a certified check.  And as you can plainly see, it's a 'check'...and I thereon certified it so.  Heck, so much I enjoyed that, I've sent your agent..aka, you...another.  Just on accounta cuz.  My parents always told me "do unto others as they intend to do you", and danged if they weren't right in your case.  No need to thank me, MH...I live but to serve.  Too bad you can't call me on the phone and thank me in person, but it'd be like a wasted call baby...no one said anything about locking horns with no Tigers.  So I'm just sitting here eating wine, drinking cheese and catching some rays, y'know.   If you imagine that there's anything else ol' Ben can do for you, by all means, don't hesitate to contact me.  I mean, now that we have a working understanding and all.  


Well...at least we HAD a working understanding and all...  ;-)


And when the second "certified check" arrived, and my character had delivered to him a few more emails of other edits and such, MH had one more salvo to fire:


You are a psychopathic hillie billie and you need some evaluation. You this nincompoop!!! You will soon have yourself to blame when I am done filing this extradition order for you to come and answer some quiz on who the hell you are  and how your name was involved in the BCBS.....  


I like that...a psychopathic hillie billie LOL.  I eagerly await your extradition order.  That should be some trick for one of dubious antecedence as yourself.  As for the BCBS, I don't get to vote in that, otherwise I'd have William & Mary in the Top Ten pre-season poll.  Just sayin'.  


LEAVE ME ALONE ASSHOLE!!!  


Not so long as your email works  ;-)  


Aggrieving email scammers, one atta time...







 

  

























 

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Psychopathic hillie billie? Bwahahahahahahaha. They don't even know what a hillbilly is do they?

This is one of the best ones.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

13 August, 2014 09:29  
Anonymous Debbie said...

As I've said before, you must have the patience of Job. I hope none of these guys ever figure out how to track you down...

Hard of herring??? ha

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

15 August, 2014 11:27  

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