Them Foreign FBIers Is At It Again...

Danged if them foreign FBIers ain't persistent.  They keep trying to come up with a letter that's scary enough that even the most low informationed person will sign up for the Afraudable Don'tCare Act.

Problem is, they keep sending their crap to me.  If they'd send it to my pet rock, Seymour, maybe they'd make some progress.

"Would NOT!!!"

Well okay..so my pet rock ain't THAT gullible.


Here's a snippet of what the morons sent me:

On our investigation this morning we discovered that you are having Foreign transactions with Western Union Head Quarter Benin Republic and we went further on the investigation and found out that you don't have Money Laundering Clearance Certificate which is Federal Offense.

You have committed a federal offense by not having Money Laundering Clearance Certificate and you want to receive such huge amount of money from Western Union Head Quarter Benin Republic which is foreign transaction. Meanwhile we have stopped the payment right now, not only the $5000 US Dollars was stopped but the total ($2.500.000.00 US Dollars) Two Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars.

 

Furthermore, be advice that according to the United State Law together with the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC where the funds were transferred from.  Also Note that you are to take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to the content of the document and how important and secured the document is, you are to take care of the document by sending the sum of $185.00 US Dollars only to the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC for issuing of the document right away and your payment will be release to you. 

That is the only way the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic and Original copy of the documents. You are hereby advice to Contact the sender of your funds to help you and issue the Money Laundering Clearance Certificate from  EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC.  

 

 

I think you gets the general assembly idea here.

 

After I shared the original letter with a number of my online friends and writing colleagues...THEN I sat down and gave it an edit I am sure will bring happiness and universal wedgies to at least one scam emailer.  Or at least, so I hope:

On Thursday, December 12, 2013 2:12 AM, FBI ALERT <jimabernethy10@gmail.com> didn't originally write, but after editing now look like they did wrote:

ANTI-ENEMA AND MANATEE CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C. FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/ . JEMIMA EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING 935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001 

Date: 12/12/2013

On our investigation this morning we discovered that you are having sexual translations with Caribbean Camel Poo Manatees that were kidnapped and transplanted within the government of the Benin Republic and we went further on the investigation and found out that you don't have A Manatee Bikini Waxing And Laundering Clearance Certificate which is Federal Offense, somewhere. Of this, we are shore. Which is much more certain than sure.

You have committed a federal offense by not having Manatee Bikini Waxing And Laundering Clearance Certificate and you are such a wanton poo poo haid for having wanted to receive this our special Benin-brand of Johnson's Manatee Bikini Wax Compound W, and without the proper permits of which we and only we are capable of compounding quarterly with interested parties therein nonesomuch forthwith. That is Benin legalese for I have stanky gas, stand back.

Furthermore, be advice that according to the United State Of Heinz undt Stoopen Manatee Semen Stain Removal Products Law, together with the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC, via the BENIN REPUBLIC's own bona fried witch doctor, Dr. Ukulele Unga Bunga Genital Booboo. Then and ONLY THEN can you take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to the content of the document and how important and secured the document is, you are to take care of the document by (a) printing forth worth the document on official sized official document paper, (b) folding official paper document sized document lengthwise, (c) dropping your pants and (d) shoving it up your ass sideways. Only in this way can the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC issue you a lengthy pronounciato explaining why what you just did is so anally lame. 

That is the only way the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC will issue you the document, because they are made up of rejects from the Afraudable Care Act Web Site, and are incapable of doing anything right there because Ezekiel Emanuel is a leftist douche nozzled genital wart, and he's the dumbass that trained them all. You are hereby advice to Contact us for more advice on what it is that we as senders are sending, and further be advice that our English sucks monkey balls, and that this whole transaction will resemble watching a trio of monkeys trying to f**k a football.

Yes, that's life here in the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC, and whyfor you need our very own the Manatee Bikini Waxing And Laundering Clearance Certificate from  EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC.

You are to contact the following by way of a psychic dunny named Desire, and convey to them the following, using Azerbijani script which oft-times doubles as toilet paper in most major cities thereabouts;

Country: Benin republic
State/City: Porto novo
Text Q.: Benin republic
Answer: Yes
Receiver Name: Chris Uzor

Sender name:
MTCN:

Once you send the toilet papered script, you will forward the information right to us.
NOTE: E flat. No, we have no idea why the note is E flat. It's just what's writ here.

WARNING: Несоблюдение спринцеваться с верблюда мочи является подтверждением того, что вы хотели переправить Islamofascist свинины грибок в страну, которая делает вам реальный кормы голову и означает твоя мать платья вы смешные и винты с небольшими мертвых животных, так как они не кусаются. В той мере, ничего из этого правда - и если вы член Демократической партии США, вероятно, это 100% правда - юридическое действие будет принято сразу, арестовав и имеющие baliff или кто-то с активными горшки бородавок, чтобы быть порку ваши гениталии с ледяной Hot на руках ..... доверяют нам, вы будете не нравится. И если вы делаете, вы один извращенный jackwagon. ФБР будет остановиться в любой длины в отслеживании вниз и преследования эту записку, потому что ни один из них может читать его не больше, чем мы можем, через некоторое мудак редактировал дерьмо из него

.  Translation: Not so fast, Lizard Lips. Go use Google Translate like we did. Lazy asshat.

Faithfully Your's 
James D Corney Poopey
Director Of C-Rated Movies Starring Bent Afflac
Pleased to note that copies of this email are sended to 
FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/
Burrito Supreme Court of the United States
U. S. Courts of Appeals Of Laughter
U. S. Disprickd Courts
U. S. Short Circuit Courts
Courts of Special Jurisimprudence: 
Ballsruptured Courts
Tennis Courts
U. S. Racquetball Court
Cussd 'Em Court

Night Court

Food Court
U. S. Court of Toilet Gadgets and Patent Nonsense
U. S. Court of International Hen's Teeth Dentistry
Commerce Court

Territorial Courts
Courts of the District of Clodumbia
Temporary Emergency Faux Pseudo Afraudable Care Act-created Court of Nothing Works There Either
Judicial Panel on Multi-Peckered Goats In Ewe Convents Litigation
Foreign Intelligence 'Cuz There Ain't None in Washington DC Right Now Court
Federal Courts Outside the Solar System

Uranus High Court 

Since I haven't as yet been arrested in this h'yar New Year, I reckon they're still working through Google Translate to figger out what I dun to their song, ma.

Nyuk.