A 'Check' Is In The Mail

One came.  One went.  Neither negotiable legal tender.

One was meant to look credible, as long as it wasn't closely examined.  The other...not so much.

I can tell you that Gabriel Cones and his 'ASSociates' were not amused.  Not when they thought they were about to make $1350.90 at the expense of my 'character'.

My 'character' didn't prove so accommodating.  My bad.

Here's how ol' Gabe started his ploy:

Hello,

My name is Gabriel Cones.I work for the charity Organization based in California. I am 58 years.

I am looking for someone that can handle my business errands during his or her spare time (I own an Art Gallery).  I need your services because I am constantly traveling abroad to support the charity Organization. We work in over 190 countries helping children survive, protecting them from harm and getting them to school.

 

Manage my business errands today and earn yourself not less than $600 weekly. You are not required to travel abroad or inter state. Your errands are simple and straight.

 

Responsibilities
1. Receive my mail and Drop them off at the post office or shipping center.
2. Pick up my items at your nearby post office at your convenience.
3. When you get my mail or package, you would mail all items to where I want them shipped. All expenses and shipping charges will be covered by me.

 

The contents of the packages are mostly art materials and paintings. In addition, there will be clothing I need for business and personal letters. No heavy package is involved

Please read the employment requirements listed below.

 

EMPLOYMENT REQUIREMENTS:

A. You are an honest and trustworthy citizen (which doesn't apply to the emailer, apparently).
B. You need to be able to check your EMAIL 2 times daily.

 

THE PAY IS $600 WEEKLY and you are entitled to a brand new car after 2 weeks if you are hardworking and honest with me, WHICH IS NOT A BAD OFFER (and it wouldn't be, if it were an authentic offer, which it ain't).

 

In closing, I have a couple of questions for you.

First, If I were to mail you money to do my shopping plus an upfront payment for your service, where would you want it mailed to?

Second, how would you like for your name to appear on any Package sent to you?

Apply Below & send your information to gcones133@gmail.com  

 

 

Now...my initial response to this was to edit the snarf out of it, and in a thoroughly demeaning manner to Mr. Cones and his objective.  I won't bore you with the whole edit; just the first paragraph will give you an ideer:

 

 

Hello,

My name is Gabriel Cones.  I work for, among other things, a chastity Organization based in California. I am contacting you about a recent visit your pet rock had here, and how he contemptuously treated our chastity laws and took them for granite as regards a reported clandestine affair resulting in the propagation of other geological life.  You know who I mean; I mean your pet rock, Seymour.  His illicit (and geologically impossible from the standpoint of gymnastical statistics) relations with JuliaSandstone, which resulted in the shipping outside of CA several resulting offspring which, I am sure, violates some ridiculous and obscure environmentalist laws here in CA, the home of the ridiculous and frivolous when it comes to ANYTHING from the Left.  Envirowhackjobs are particularly egregious in this, but I digress.  

 

 

Ol' Gabe is one of those who doesn't read what you said him; he takes a reply as an affirmation that you buy into his scam:

 

 

Hello

How are you today? hope all is going on well?  Thank you for your willingness to act as my Personal Assistant and I am Confirming to you that you will be receiving your 1st Assignment Responsibilities This week.  I will get you all instructions and details needed on how to carry out your 1st Assignment Responsibilities and please you MUST get back to me if you are ready to carry out your 1st Assignment Responsibilities.  Hope all is clear?

Waiting to hear from you  & I look forward to establish a long term business relationship with you.

Regards
Gabriel  

 

 

Just another Third World dolt, ol' Gabe.  But not one without stateside connections as I was to learn.

 

After providing ol' Gabe with an affirmative reply (so the one he thought he got wasn't lonely) -- and my actual address -- I waited a couple of weeks with no further word from ol' Gabe.  Until I received a FedEx, delivered to my address in the name of my 'character':  Jack N. Ewehoff.

 

Jack just loves to play.

 

Inside the FedEx was one thing and one thing only:  the check you see at the beginning of this post.

 

Now, 'Jack' didn't really need to bother authenticating anything; a FedEx from an Oklahoma City, OK address, containing a check from a tractor & supply company in Oregon, drawn on an actual bank located in Portland, OR, is usually suggestive of something that ain't entirely up to snuff.

 

So I spared 'Jack' the effort, and did it myself.  Coming as some surprise -- not -- was that the check was fraudulent.  The shipper was an unrelated business in OK.  The business and bank are real; just not the check, nor the account on which it's drawd.

 

Of course, for the offer of $600 AND a car, well...'Jack' wasn't supposed to care about them little annoying details.

 

So once I got all my ducks in a row -- only to have one tip over and the rest domino in a mallardjusted quack-up -- I advised ol' Gabe that "the check's here...now what?"

 

Here's what ol' Gabe had for me:

 

 

I just confirmed from my finance officer and he has given me the details of the payment.  You are to confirm the following :  Check sent through FedEx mail
Amount - $1950.00
Tracking no - 797326850588

Reply as soon as you read this mail so that further details can be communicated to you.

Gabriel  

 

 

And then Gabe gives me my instructions:

 

 

Yes the payment is $1950.90. You are to proceed as follows -
Assignment Details -:
1) Proceed to the bank with the payment ,
deposit and cash out as soon
as possible.
2)Deduct your payment of $600 and $50 for the
cost of transportation
and other charges. Send the remaining through
only MONEY GRAM to Mr
Dale ( one of my art paintings clients)
Send payment to
Name - Dale Osborne
Address - San Antonio, Texas, USA
What is required from you after sending the
funds
1) Reference number (8 digits number)
2) Senders details ( first and last name)
3)Exact amount sent
4) Text question and answer.
Please email reference digits as soon as you
have sent the funds.
you are to act quickly and must reply as soon
as you have read this mail  

 

 

So...a check shipped from OK, drawn on an OR tractor account gets FedExed to me, and I -- or 'Jack' -- are to cash it, keep our 'cut', and Money Gram the balance to a "Dale Osborne" in San Antonio, TX.

 

Luverly.

 

 

Well, 'Jack' decided to make use of the three old UPS tracking numbers that he had gleaned from other scammer emails, and argued back and forth with ol' Gabe over two days that 'Jack' wanted to use UPS instead of Money Gram.  All the while, ol' Gabe insisted that "Mr. Dale" wanted Money Gram used.

 

Then after two days of debate, 'Jack' won:  "Mr. Dale" agreed to the payment coming via UPS.  And provided 'Jack' with the information as to where to ship it:

 

 

l have been able to talk to Mr Dale and he has accepted to receive the money via UPS although he has stated that subsequent payment should be by Money Gram.  Please proceed and make the payment to the address below -:

Name - Roger Osborne
Address - 7719 Louis pasteur Ct. 154, San Antonio, Texas, 78229.

As I said earlier, you should proceed immediately so that we start the next task. I appreciate your ability to multi task but until we meet, I prefer we take things one at a time.  Send all details of payment to me as soon as it is done.  

 

 

Ohhhhh...so now, "Mr. Dale" is suddenly Roger Osborne.

 

 

At any rate, here I am with a name and an address to UPS a 'payment' to San Antonio.

 

 

*TOING*

 

 

Why fauxspend the money to ship nothing via UPS to a scammer in San Antonio...when I could actually send him something via USPS, at the cost of a mere stamp?

 

 

*TOING*

 

 

So...'Jack' put together a little something for ol' Rog/Dale to ponder, once it arrives via USPS:

 

 

 

I mean, since ol' Gabe claims to be something of an art fancier, I thought this a worthy thing for ol' Rog/Dale to open up and view upon receipt.

 

Of course, there was also a message along widdit...something to the effect of "Wile E. did no better with the 'light' at the end of the tunnel than you are".  

 

 

So now, I just await a response....*Jeopardy Theme*...I get one, before the USPS arrives.  Seems that Gabriel Cones is worried about his appearance in the eyes of his client, after he finds that I talked him into accepting UPS, and I wind up shipping via USPS:


Actually Gabriel, I had a bit of a brain fart when I went to my UPS outlet store, which is a 'pack and ship' place that uses UPS, Fed Ex, DHL and the US Postal Service.  And since shipping the money was done more cheaply via USPS, I just did that (at the cost of a stamp, and they didn't ask what the
contents of the mailing was, though I was prepared to tell them that it was personal correspondence if they did inquire).  So tell Mr. Dale/Roger that what I sent him is coming USPS to the address you gave me for him.  He should have it, without fail, by no later than Monday, December 16.  When he
confirms receipt to you, I am ready for my next assignment...and new car.  Mine's on its last lugnuts.
Jack  


I will inform Mr dale of the latest development. However, I must express my displeasure in the way you have carried out this rather simple assignment. You told me that UPS was your preferred choice but now you are telling me something different. I do not appreciate you
making me look unworthy  before my client. Please make sure that you round this up quickly.  


My reply should assuage him..mebbe:

This will work out the way it should..you'll see.  When Mr. Dale receives what I sent him, all will be as it should be.  Your worthiness in your client's eyes is nothing for you to worry about.  I assure you on that point.

Jack  

 

 

Granted, what I think 'should be' and what ol' Gabe thinks 'should be' are probably at odds.  Unforts for him, I'm controlling those odds  ;-)

In the meantime, the 'check' my character sent to Gabe's "Mr. Dale/Roger" apparently arrived:


You asshole.  I have make other arrangement for Mr Dale to get his money. I will no further discussion with you. A stop oder has been placed on the payment so I advice you not to take it to bank as you be arrested.  


I see some 'arrested development' here, alright:


Gabester:

1.  Too late on the check, dude.
2.  Yes, I am.
3.  No, I won't be.
4.  Yes, Mr. Dale MIGHT be.
5.  Oregon Tractor & Equipment Co Inc sends their regards.   And other less polite thoughts.


In the end, it appears that ol' Gabe Cones hasn't got the 'art' of this stuff down just yet.  What's more, he won't have speaks with me no mores..  ;-)