Reading, Writing, 'Rithmetic...All Lacking

It's mooo bad that my next scammer couldn't captivate me the way she captivated the herd.

You can tell that they're udderly fascinated.

Moissis Mark...one of the dumber bulbs in email scamdom.  And he proves it repeatedly.

He started with a simple email scam about online loans.  He sent it to two of my scambaiting accounts.

In both cases, I played him from each account, using the same character.

He never got it.

But you'd figure that out in short order with him, when you see what I did to his original email:


We suck.  Let us prove it to you.  Apply to us now, we offer nothing worth a sh*t at 3%

NAME (yours or someone you don't like much): .....................................
Amount of whatever you think we gots to loan: ............................
Masturbation or just hand jive: .................................
Porpoise or dolphin: ..........................
Age when you first realized that sh*t and chocolate were not the same: ......................................
Address or lederhosen: ..................................
Country or urban sprawl: ..................................
Phone or carrier pterodactyl: .............................
What do you do when you're not picking lint out of your ass: ...............................
Monthly period or other grammar things: ...........................
Do you speak English ......................

Why don't you speak Sengalese .............................

If you could have sex with Sandra Fluke or a goat, why do you choose the goat ..................

If you democrat, why were you not aborted .................................

In 100 words or less of a language we can read, tell us what Melissa Harris Perry can do with her tampons ....................

 

 

His response to that was to send me the same original email AGAIN.  So, I tried a second edit:

 

 

Allllllllll Aboarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!
We are now boarding a special train we call the Mugu Express To Zimbabwe!

And we need MUGUS to put their asses in every seat possible!

Will you be my MUGU?

Pretty PUH-LEASE????

 

If you'll be my MUGU, I will buy your ticket!

Please fills out the informations bellow if you'll be my MUGU:

 

 

NAME: .....................................
AGE: ......................................
ADDRESS: ..................................
COUNTRY: ..................................
PHONE: .............................
OCCUPATION: ...............................
MONTHLY INCOME: ...........................
Do you speak English ......................

Do or don't you know what Mugu means .....................

 

If you won't be my MUGU, f**k you and everyone who looks like me.

 

Moissis Mark

Mugu Master

Zimbabwe Sucks Travel Agency
unitedbankofafrica.uba.loan@gmail.com

"And You Think Detroit Sucks?"

 

 

And his response to this?

 

 

go and make the payment of 5
$500 

 

 

And with that, we're back and forth:

 

 

And to whom would I make this payment of 5 $500? 

To the managing director, you are to scan and send the copy of the
payment slip to this email:moissismark@gmail.com 



Why sure...anything for a pal.  

 

 

To the managing director, you are to scan and send the copy of the
payment slip to this email:moissismark@gmail.com

 

 

Did you get the payment slip?  Do you require further payment slips? 

 

 

(you'll note it appears my scammer is locked in a Ground Hog Day stupid loop)

To the managing director, you are to scan and send the copy of the
payment slip to this email:moissismark@gmail.com 

 

 

So I sent you the slip.  What now, genius? 

GOOD DAY, we just want to inform you that the management is still
waiting for your payment slip.

pls fill the below in-order for the payment slip to be view properly

NAME    Moissis MarkCOUNTRY   UKAMOUNT  $1995QUESTION  WhatANSWER   The F**k
SENDER  Ben DoverRECEIVER Moissis Mark's vagina 


As you noted, I filled out his questions.  His response:


Thanks for your co-operation, the management require the payment code
and every details in the payment slip since they are unable to view
it,

Note you are to tick the following name below:

WESTERN UNION..........
MONEY GRAM........ 


It was sent Western Union. 



Thanks for the mail, all we are asking for now is the western union
code for verification. hope to hear from you soon 


Is this soon enough?  What western union code, please? 



pls fill the below in-order for the payment slip to be view properly

NAME......................................
COUNTRY.................................
AMOUNT.................................
QUESTION................................
ANSWER..................................
SENDER..................................
RECEIVER...............................
SECURITY CODE............................ 


what is security code please? 



pls fill the below in-order for the payment slip to be view properly

NAME  Moissis Mark
COUNTRY  NigeriaAMOUNT  $500QUESTION  VasANSWER   Das Phokk
SENDER  Ben Dover
RECEIVER  Moissis Alou
SECURITY CODE   morse? 


As you can see, I answered him.  Next:



GOOD_DAY, we are still unable to receive your payment, pleas give use
the correct details,
You are to notify this office with a scan copy of your payment slip and also,

send the following information to our office via e-mail as they appear on the

payment slip.

Information Needed
1. Sender First/Last Name.....................................
2. Country..............................................................
3. Money Transfer Control Number (M.T.C.N).............
4. Amount Sent.......................................................

Note:
1. Please, provide us with a scan copy of your driver's license or
international

passport for proper verification as real lucky winner of the fund.  


"real lucky winner of the fund"?  This was supposed to be a loan scam!  I do love it when scammers confuse their victims, identities and scams.


 

I already sent you the scanned copy of the payment.  But if you insist, I'll send it again.

 

Sender's first and last name is me, you dummy.  You know...me.

Country is USA

MTCN is ten digits and is on scanned slip.

Amount sent is what you insisted upon:  $500

As to being "real lucky winner of the fund", HUH? 



we are unable to view the copy you send to us because it is too small,
you need to enlarge it so we can view  the MTCN properly .hope to hear
from you soon . 


I put enzyte on it and it didn't help.  Works for Bob, but not for the receipt.  How do I enlarge it?  



can you copy the MTCN on the slip to us 


Yes, I can do that.  Would you like it copied in italics, bold, kanji script, cyrillic, or roman numerals, and when would you like it? 


we need that now 


Don't you just HATE when they ignore the questions and try to speed things along?


Oh...okay.  Coming up.  


 we need that now pls  


The number you request is ten digits in length, and is listed on the receipt under Money Transfer Control Number? 



yes.  why u make this hard.  i dont get you 

I don't see why not.  I sent you the receipt.  The number you want is on there.  I fail to understand why I need to send it to you.  But I will if you insist. 

 

 

but we can not found anything here 

 

 

whaddaya mean, you can not found anything there.  I sent it!  I have the receipt. 

yes we insist you send the mtch now 


always fun to capitalize on their typos:

what is the mtch?  I thought you wanted the mtcn?  I am confused. 

 

 

why don't you send the mtcn number on the slip to us, just type the
number  and send it to us 

 

 

Why didn't you say so?  The number is 31 when added together. 

are you sending the mtcn of not ? 


I just sent you that it's 31 in total.  Why, do you need each of the numbers?  



  we dont get pls 

What don't you get?  The number equals 31.  There are ten numbers that together equal 31.  How hard is that to understand? 

 

 

we need the ten digit of  the MTCN 

 

 

ohhh...you want the individual digits!  Okay 

 

 

After a few minutes, I send him the made-up mtcn...in Spanish numbers.  I quickly learn he doesn't like that:

 

in your ear well well

 

 

I thought you wanted the numbers...you want my ear now? 

 

 

ewa 

 

 

can't make out what it is you want.  You want the numbers, an ear or an ewa? 

u done. 


Oh goodie!  Can I go now? 


no did not, why dont you just send the number why all game? 

What..you're not Spanish? 

 

 

prik

What have you got against Spanish? 


Alas, I'll never get to know what Moissis Mark has against Spanish.  Say Laguerre.  La vie.  Whatever.