Generally Speaking

I must be moving up in the world.  Got an email from a lieutenant general.

Wowser.

Then again, eh....he's a lieutenant general in Ghana.

*Yawn*

Still...when I get an email this rank, it makes me pay attention.  For about a second longer than usual.

Here's his pitch:


I am Lieutenant General Joseph .H. Smith, Chief of Army the Presidential
Special Initiative. I am mailing you in respect, of the present development
going on here in my country GHANA. I decided to contact you, after much
investigation which was carried out by the Bureau of National Investigation
(BNI) and also with the Ghana Police Service, in order to make sure that our
country is free from those fraudulent activities, which are going on here in
Africa and for our country to also bear a good name.

The Airport Authority detected some trunk boxes after been scanned, the
authorities detected that the boxes contains funds and Gold on your name
and email that has been tempered on, they were been smuggled into the
country by foreign Personnel who were on transit from London. These men
were trying to enter the country with the trunk boxes, when the airport
authority detected that these boxes contains, some huge amount of United
State Dollars. After much investigation we found out that these men were
among those men, spoiling the good name of Africa. They opened up to us
that, they actually work with a Lotto company before their dismissal and
used the opportunity to perpetuate their crimes, they told us that the
funds inside the boxes was won by you, but now they planned to turn back
on you and decided to take the money all to themselves out of the
country. We later found out on the investigation that was carried out,
these men are truly members of a well established organization in United
Kingdom.


That was the gist of his pitch.  Admirable, eh?

Well, it'll become obvious that he wasn't an admiral, by the time I get done with his edit:


Attention!!!  General Officer!!!

 

At ease!!!

I am Lieutenant General Joseph .H. Smith, Chief of Army the Presidential
Special Goat Protective Detail, GHANA.

 

 

Yes, we have such a thing.  We haven't got much else.

 

 

I decided to contact you, after much investigation which was carried out by

the Bureau of International Investigation (BII) and also with the Ghana Police

Donut Acquisition Service, in order to make sure that our country is free from

those waskiwy scammers and their ever fraudulent activities, which are going

on here in Africa, Asia, Europe, Middle East, Detroit and Washington DC.

 

 

As you can see, we failed.  So we're contacting you anyway.

 

Our Airport Authority -- yes, we actually have an airport that we occasionally

use, normally when a flight is off course and lost, and we're what they find

to land on.  We have a tribe of baboons that can empty a plane's baggage

compartment and the galley faster than a democrat can loot taxpayers.

 

 

Anyway, our Airport Authority has a shitload of looted suitcases and trunks,

and wondered if you want any of them?  Granted, the baboons looted all the

good stuff, and peed 'n crapped in the baggage, but eh...a couple good steam

cleanings and you'll have a bag that looks almost brand newly looted.

 

 

Rumor has it that the baboons looted some boxes that contained funds

and Gold in your name and with your email address; baboons being, well,

baboons, they don't know the value of funds and gold, so they just crapped

on it and left it behind.

 

 

See what I just did there?

 

 

Much laborious cleaning of the funds -- we called it money laundering, snicker

laugh titter roar -- has made it legal tender again, if a bit rancid to the olfactories.

We have traced this funds/gold and found they were been smuggled into the
country by foreign Personnel who were on transit from London. These men
were trying to enter the country with the trunk boxes, when the airport
authority baboons descended on them like democrats on food stamps.

 

 

The smugglers scattered, and we wound up with the shat-upon funds.

 

 

After much investigation we found out that these men were among the men

who, like us, are spoiling the good name of Africa. They opened up to us
that, they actually work with an ostrich inseminating company before their

dismissal and used the opportunity to steal gallons of ostrich semen for

purposes as yet unhatched.

 

 

Yes, I am thinking of going on the road with a stand up routine.

 

 

As I write you this mail now, the three(3) men that were caught are now
in the custody of the Ghana Airport Authority Baboon Looting Service,

having their genitilia stuffed with coconut.  That is why we have
to reach you by your email address, so we can make arrangement with

you to take this shat-upon monies off of our hands.  It is really stinking

up the place, if that were more possible than heretofore.

 

 

Your urgent response will be very much appreciated as soon as you have
received this email. Thank you for your kind attention, for us to make
sure our suck ass country Ghana, to eventually have a chance to have a

name that doesn't rhyme with purple.

 

 

Please you are to provide this below information's..

A: FULL NAMES:.........
B: ADDRESS:.........
C: DIRECT CONTACT PHONE NUMBER:.........
D: COUNTRY:.........
E: SCAN COPY OF ANY PICTURES OF HILLARY CLINTON NAKED:.........

This information will be required at some point.  Sooner or later someone is

going to want to know what you're doing with a picture of Hillary Clinton naked.

Please to remind you, don't belongs to scammers or any act of fraudulent
on internet. If you do, then you deserve a picture of Hillary Clinton naked.

Just saying.

Regards,
Lieutenant General Joseph .H. Smith 

Presidential Special Goat Protective Detail, Repugnant Of Ghana. 

PS:  this is not one of ours. Ours have oars.

Thu, Aug 1, 2013 at 7:49 PM

7:49 PM

Message starred

Attention !!!

FROM Lieutenant General Joseph .H. Smith TO recipients

Hide Details

From

• Lieutenant General Joseph .H. Smith  

 

Attention ;

I am Lieutenant General Joseph .H. Smith, Chief of Army the Presidential
Special Initiative. I am mailing you in respect, of the present development
going on here in my country GHANA. I decided to contact you, after much
investigation which was carried out by the Bureau of National Investigation
(BNI) and also with the Ghana Police Service, in order to make sure that our
country is free from those fraudulent activities, which are going on here in
Africa and for our country to also bear a good name.

The Airport Authority detected some trunk boxes after been scanned, the
authorities detected that the boxes contains funds and Gold on your name
and email that has been tempered on, they were been smuggled into the
country by foreign Personnel who were on transit from London. These men
were trying to enter the country with the trunk boxes, when the airport
authority detected that these boxes contains, some huge amount of United
State Dollars. After much investigation we found out that these men were
among those men, spoiling the good name of Africa. They opened up to us
that, they actually work with a Lotto company before their dismissal and
used the opportunity to perpetuate their crimes, they told us that the
funds inside the boxes was won by you, but now they planned to turn back
on you and decided to take the money all to themselves out of the
country. We later found out on the investigation that was carried out,
these men are truly members of a well established organization in United
Kingdom.

As I write you this mail now, the three(3) men that were caught are now
in the custody of the Ghana Police Service over here in our country
Ghana, while we are trying to track the others left, because they have
proved to us that they belong to one organization. That is why we have
to reach you by your email address that was tagged in the boxes, so we
can make arrangement on the delivery of the recovered boxes by a United
Nation Diplomatic Personnel.

Your urgent response will be very much appreciated as soon as you have
received this email. Thank you for your kind attention, for us to make
sure our beloved country Ghana, bears a good name. Please you are to
provide this below information's..

A: FULL NAMES:.........
B: ADDRESS:.........
C: DIRECT CONTACT PHONE NUMBER:.........
D: COUNTRY:.........
E: SCAN COPY OF ANY PASSPORT OR ID CARD:.........

This information will be required, by the authorities in Ghana to draft
the new change of ownership in your name as the rightful owner of the
funds in our custody and also to verify the information given to us
because the documentations covering the boxes have been tampered on.

Please to remind you, don't belongs to scammers or any act of fraudulent
on internet. I will give more information to you as i await your response
immediately.

Honest Regards,
Lieutenant General Joseph .H. Smith
Presidential Special Initiative,Republic Of Ghana.

 

 

I really didn't expect a reply on this one.  Truly.  Just the thought of a picture of Hillary Clinton naked should send shudders down any lieutenant general's spine....