Thursday, August 22, 2013

Key Bank's Unsent Email

It was very nice and considerate of Key Bank to send me an alert that my online account access had possibly been compromised, and I needed to address it at once.

Through the link that Key Bank so generously provided me.

Too bad I don't have an account of any kind with Key Bank.

But why should that stop me when it comes to editing same?

It didn't:

Subject: Unlock Your DoucheNozzle Bank Account

Dear Low Information, Dumbed Down Customer:
No, dumbass, we're not really Key Bank...we're DoucheNozzle Bank, and we're here to dupe you and pillage your ID and real bank account.  Yes, that's what we do.  That's all we do, being low-life scum of dubious antcedence and having voted for the worst potus in the history of the world, the puke who's first name sounds like you're throwing up...."Baa-RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKK!"   
Now, to the scam...Your Primary Security questions requires update. Uh huh...yuppers.  Your last Sign In from your IP generated errors on your account due to one of your Trojan rubbers having obtained a virus from the last slut you banged, and now it's raping your computer (as we hope to be doing shortly).  For this reason your Online Banking will remain LOCKED (not really) until You reconfirm your identity (oh please oh please oh PUH_LEEEEEASE!).
To begin the ID theft and account butt f**king, click on the link below to start the verification process.
...oh f**k...some asshole removed it....
Note: This is an automated alert, deliberate wrong input may lead to closure of your account and will be criminally pursued, all of which is a jackwagon load of scammer bullsh**.

Thanks for choosing
          DoucheNozzleBank to f**k up your fiscal life.

This e-mail contains information directly related to our efforts to f**k you financially, Nothing else.

DoucheNozzle Bank offers not one f**king thing of any value whatsoever.  We're here only to f**k people over, because we're too f**king lazy and assholeish to ever try to be productive, honest people.  We'll f**k you over – whether it's a checking account, a credit card or a home equity line of credit.

Copiedwrong ©2013 DoucheNozzle Bank Financial Group. All rights waived the moment you click the link, Asshat. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of DoucheNozzle Bank Financial Group is going on in fly-infested internet cafes all over the Turd World, and we fervently hope with as much success as we're hoping with from you. 
I didn't expect any kind of a response from these folks.  I didn't get one.  But I did get a follow up email from the US Navy Credit Union...with the same drivel.
I think I'll let Seymour have at that one....he's always been a good anchor thing when it comes to ships...

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Blogger Sandee said...

DoucheNozzle Bank? Bwahahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. ☺

22 August, 2013 10:30  
Blogger Right Truth said...

An automated alert. Good one.

Ever thought of doing this professionally? There must be a market, maybe you could actually make some money, create a new industry.

Right Truth

22 August, 2013 17:20  
Blogger Seane-Anna said...

Hi Skunky! Here's the new url to my blog "Heart of the Wise": Have a good one!

23 August, 2013 16:29  

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