Saturday, June 29, 2013

A Bad Scam, A Worse Reply

"Is NOT!!!"

We'll let the readers be the judge, Seymour.

My pet rock, Seymour, occasionally likes to weigh in on scammers.  He also fancies hisself a bit of a lyricist, occasionally penning song parodies.

"Do NOT...they're ORIGINAL LYRICS!"

We'll let the readers be the judge of that as well, Seymour.

At any rate, got me another of those emails from an alleged member of the US Armed Forces overseas, who claims to have a large sum of money over in Iraq/Afghanistan/Detroit/et al, and needs my help in 'liberating' it.

Here's the email as I received it from "Monica Brown":


Dear Friend, I quite believe that you will be surprise to receive this letter.Well I don’t mean any harm rather I write to seek your assistance in a business transaction that will mutually benefit you and me.Before I proceed with my business proposal, I shall first of all disclose my identity to you. My names is Monica Brown, a sergeant in the US army, 25 years of age, single and never been married, my address is #3 Oak Drive, Lake Jackson, TX 77566 United States but right now I am currently serving in USA Victory Base Baghdad but was posted to work as Intelligence Agencies attached with United States of America Embassy Baghdad-Iraq. I made total sum of $6.5 Million US dollars which I have successfully moved out of Iraq to Swift Expert Company for Safe Keeping and to be use for investments with reliable and trusted foreign investor. The fund is oil business money I did with some Iraqi citizens worth over 42 million US dollars, but the $6.5 million US dollars stated is my share on the business and it’s legal. I have successfully moved the funds out of Iraq as family valuables with help of Expert Diplomatic Company. The most important thing is ''' Can We Trust each other? Am offering you 30% share of the total funds while we use the rest 70% for our investments.You have to take control of all investments and will be coming to meet with you later as soon as I have vacation but please I have more interest on real estate. Kindly indicate on your next mail if you are really interested to partner with me so i will provide to you more detail information on how we will move forward. Note that the whole process is very simple and we must keep a low profile at all times and i want all our communications to remain on emails for now.I look forward to your reply and co-operation.Kindly send me an email to my private email address (monicabwn@yahoo.com) My Regards, Sgt.Monica.
 
 
Even Seymour said that this one broke the "Bullshevik" meter.  And he wanted to play.
 
So what did Seymour have in mind?  Well...he noted that Monica's last name was "Brown".
 
*TOING*    And even I heard that one...it sounded like crackling sandstone.
 
"Did NOT!!!"
 
Sandee Clark is probably the only one that will get that...at any rate, Seymour suddenly demanded that I set him on a piece of paper and hook him up with a pen.
 
Having flexible scotch tape about, I was able to meet Seymour's request, so that Seymour could, in his words, "let the creative minerals flow" into a lyrical response to whom he began to refer to as "Mrs Brown".
 
The next *TOING* was mine, for I realized where Seymour was going with this...once again into ParodyLand.
 
"Did NOT!!!"
 
Really?  I'll bet even Seymour recognizes the folks in this picture:
 
 
"Uh....no".

Seymour, you just parodied a hit song of theirs from the '60s.

"Did NOT!!!"

Hokay...readers, you be the judge.  Here is the "lyrical response" that Seymour sent to "Sgt-Mrs Brown":


Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here
 Sh*t as dumb as this is SOP
  But it's sad, you couldn't fool a cow
 I showed your scam to one and all it did was moo

Now you're pissed cuz I see what you sent me
 I'll tell you shove this stuff up your fat ass
 Things ain't changed, you've sent an inept scam
 This scam is proof enough, you're dumb as a tree stump
 
Lookin' about, yours is the worst scam here
folks pick it out
makes you look a ..."Mu-gu!"
 
Now you know you can't fool f**king no one
Take your 'stripes' and shove them up your ass
Things ain't changed, you've sent an inept scam
This scam is proof enough, you're dumb as a door knob
 
Lookin' about, yours is the worst scam here
folks pick it out
makes you look a ..."Mu-gu!"
 
Now you know you can't fool f**king no one
Take your 'stripes' and shove them up your ass
Things ain't changed, you've sent an inept scam
This scam is proof enough, you're dumb as a door knob
 
Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here
Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here
Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here ... 


I reckon Herman's Hermits would recognize their own tune, don't you?

"Herman's Who?"

At any rate, Seymour did not get a reply from "Sgt" Monica Brown.

A ring up from the Hermit's attorney might be in the offing, though...

"Will NOT!!!  But get their autograph if they do..."

*TOING*

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3 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I got the Sandstone pun. How could I miss it.

I think Seymour does a fine job with scammers, but he does need to quit stealing from known artists. Really he should.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. :)

29 June, 2013 10:10  
Blogger Right Truth said...

Mrs. Brown is a sergeant in the US army, 25 years of age, based in Baghdad and

" "I made" " total sum of $6.5 Million US dollars... in oil...

Interesting wording.

Also she says "... was posted to work as Intelligence Agencies attached with United States of America"

Here we go again with intelligence leaks?

Seymour did a nice job on the song, I can hear it playing in my head.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

30 June, 2013 13:36  
Anonymous Diana Morgan said...

Wow! There actually is a service like that??

05 August, 2013 11:03  

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