Saturday, June 29, 2013

A Bad Scam, A Worse Reply

"Is NOT!!!"

We'll let the readers be the judge, Seymour.

My pet rock, Seymour, occasionally likes to weigh in on scammers.  He also fancies hisself a bit of a lyricist, occasionally penning song parodies.

"Do NOT...they're ORIGINAL LYRICS!"

We'll let the readers be the judge of that as well, Seymour.

At any rate, got me another of those emails from an alleged member of the US Armed Forces overseas, who claims to have a large sum of money over in Iraq/Afghanistan/Detroit/et al, and needs my help in 'liberating' it.

Here's the email as I received it from "Monica Brown":


Dear Friend, I quite believe that you will be surprise to receive this letter.Well I don’t mean any harm rather I write to seek your assistance in a business transaction that will mutually benefit you and me.Before I proceed with my business proposal, I shall first of all disclose my identity to you. My names is Monica Brown, a sergeant in the US army, 25 years of age, single and never been married, my address is #3 Oak Drive, Lake Jackson, TX 77566 United States but right now I am currently serving in USA Victory Base Baghdad but was posted to work as Intelligence Agencies attached with United States of America Embassy Baghdad-Iraq. I made total sum of $6.5 Million US dollars which I have successfully moved out of Iraq to Swift Expert Company for Safe Keeping and to be use for investments with reliable and trusted foreign investor. The fund is oil business money I did with some Iraqi citizens worth over 42 million US dollars, but the $6.5 million US dollars stated is my share on the business and it’s legal. I have successfully moved the funds out of Iraq as family valuables with help of Expert Diplomatic Company. The most important thing is ''' Can We Trust each other? Am offering you 30% share of the total funds while we use the rest 70% for our investments.You have to take control of all investments and will be coming to meet with you later as soon as I have vacation but please I have more interest on real estate. Kindly indicate on your next mail if you are really interested to partner with me so i will provide to you more detail information on how we will move forward. Note that the whole process is very simple and we must keep a low profile at all times and i want all our communications to remain on emails for now.I look forward to your reply and co-operation.Kindly send me an email to my private email address (monicabwn@yahoo.com) My Regards, Sgt.Monica.
 
 
Even Seymour said that this one broke the "Bullshevik" meter.  And he wanted to play.
 
So what did Seymour have in mind?  Well...he noted that Monica's last name was "Brown".
 
*TOING*    And even I heard that one...it sounded like crackling sandstone.
 
"Did NOT!!!"
 
Sandee Clark is probably the only one that will get that...at any rate, Seymour suddenly demanded that I set him on a piece of paper and hook him up with a pen.
 
Having flexible scotch tape about, I was able to meet Seymour's request, so that Seymour could, in his words, "let the creative minerals flow" into a lyrical response to whom he began to refer to as "Mrs Brown".
 
The next *TOING* was mine, for I realized where Seymour was going with this...once again into ParodyLand.
 
"Did NOT!!!"
 
Really?  I'll bet even Seymour recognizes the folks in this picture:
 
 
"Uh....no".

Seymour, you just parodied a hit song of theirs from the '60s.

"Did NOT!!!"

Hokay...readers, you be the judge.  Here is the "lyrical response" that Seymour sent to "Sgt-Mrs Brown":


Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here
 Sh*t as dumb as this is SOP
  But it's sad, you couldn't fool a cow
 I showed your scam to one and all it did was moo

Now you're pissed cuz I see what you sent me
 I'll tell you shove this stuff up your fat ass
 Things ain't changed, you've sent an inept scam
 This scam is proof enough, you're dumb as a tree stump
 
Lookin' about, yours is the worst scam here
folks pick it out
makes you look a ..."Mu-gu!"
 
Now you know you can't fool f**king no one
Take your 'stripes' and shove them up your ass
Things ain't changed, you've sent an inept scam
This scam is proof enough, you're dumb as a door knob
 
Lookin' about, yours is the worst scam here
folks pick it out
makes you look a ..."Mu-gu!"
 
Now you know you can't fool f**king no one
Take your 'stripes' and shove them up your ass
Things ain't changed, you've sent an inept scam
This scam is proof enough, you're dumb as a door knob
 
Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here
Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here
Mrs. Brown you've got a lousy scam here ... 


I reckon Herman's Hermits would recognize their own tune, don't you?

"Herman's Who?"

At any rate, Seymour did not get a reply from "Sgt" Monica Brown.

A ring up from the Hermit's attorney might be in the offing, though...

"Will NOT!!!  But get their autograph if they do..."

*TOING*

Labels: , ,

17 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I got the Sandstone pun. How could I miss it.

I think Seymour does a fine job with scammers, but he does need to quit stealing from known artists. Really he should.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. :)

29 June, 2013 10:10  
Blogger Right Truth said...

Mrs. Brown is a sergeant in the US army, 25 years of age, based in Baghdad and

" "I made" " total sum of $6.5 Million US dollars... in oil...

Interesting wording.

Also she says "... was posted to work as Intelligence Agencies attached with United States of America"

Here we go again with intelligence leaks?

Seymour did a nice job on the song, I can hear it playing in my head.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

30 June, 2013 13:36  
Anonymous Diana Morgan said...

Wow! There actually is a service like that??

05 August, 2013 11:03  
Blogger Unknown said...

I got a similar email,Maybe Seymour can help me. This is what I received, I deleted my email but not the one "she" used and I kept my name::
(no subject)
V
Victoria Jean Petrassi
PRIVATE DISCUSSION, PLEASE

Mary Sanchez
Who are you? On Wednesday, September 2, 2015, Victoria Jean Petrassi wrote: > > > > > > > > > > PRIVATE DISCUSSION, PLEASE
S
Sgt. Monica L. Brown
to me
3 days agoDetails
Good morning,
Compliments and I hope you are doing great. I personally made a special research on Internet address book and I came across your information. I am presently writing this mail to you from U.S Military base Kabul Afghanistan hoping that you will assist me. There is absolutely going to be a great doubt and distrust in your heart in respect to this mail coupled with the fact that so many miscreants and mischief-makers who have taken possession of the Internet to facilitate their nefarious deeds, thereby making it extremely difficult to believe that any quest for assistance through the Internet is real or genuine making it difficult for persons who need help to get attention, recognition and assistance. Please am sorry for disturbing you, but it will do you great, if you can just invest some little trust to what you are reading now. Because this will serve as a life changing to you, so jot down today's date somewhere, because today is a day you will live to remember for the rest of your life shalom.
My name is Sgt. Monica Lin Brown, originally from Lake Jackson Texas USA. I am 27yrs old, I presently work in Support Company of 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Corps Afghanistan. I and some other high ranking Officers made some deal on oil business over there in Iraq before my exit to Afghanistan. The deal worth $132 Million United States Dollars and after we have all share the money I later realize $10,500,000.00 (Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) which is my personal share of the deal, due to my status as a US Sergeant, I cannot be able to move this huge funds to my account in United States to avoid further interrogation or face any kind of probation by the U.S government and I packaged my own share in a briefcase and have sent it to the Red-Cross society, because there is no other way out to keep it with me here, so with the help of a German contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, as I have deposited the consignment as a family treasure. Your acceptance to this would encourage me to send further information for us to proceed.
Furthermore, If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. I believe that such opportunities only come ones way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by. For once I find myself in total control of my destiny. This chance won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. If you give me positive signals, I will give you the relevant details and initiate this process towards a conclusion. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Do not betray my confidence.
If you wish to proceed with this, please get back to me.
Regards,
Sgt. Monica Lin. Brown

Date: Mon, 7 Sep 2015 01:38:31 -0700
Subject: Re:
From: deleted my personal email
To: v.petrassi0303@uga.edu


Who are you?

On Wednesday, September 2, 2015, Victoria Jean Petrassi wrote:








PRIVATE DISCUSSION, PLEASE



10 September, 2015 17:04  
Blogger Rebecca Cohen said...

She is real but her email is a scam

18 September, 2015 07:40  
Blogger tbone82 said...

I got an email from son called Monica brown she is so stupid if she thinks someone is gonna fall for a scam like this

07 October, 2015 13:41  
Blogger Unknown said...

Omg I feel so stupid right now this Monica brown is still messaging me please help

13 November, 2015 07:26  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Unknown, simply block the scammer and don't respond. That's the help I can give you.

13 November, 2015 17:27  
Blogger Unknown said...

My I ask what is she saying

10 December, 2015 17:57  
Blogger Jesica Catlett said...

My I ask what is she saying

10 December, 2015 17:58  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Jesica she is simply saying "let me scam you".

11 December, 2015 08:24  
Blogger Unknown said...

I received an email from sgt Monica l brown saying exactly the same as what she has said to everyone else who has posted on here and I knew it was a scam when I read it

15 January, 2016 19:05  
Blogger mrs.usa said...

my husband received the same type of scam monica brown but he did not reply of course and block the scammer.

27 February, 2016 08:09  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hello everyone.
Just got the same s**t here. Just wondering, did anyone try to play her little game just to see what's gonna happen at the end? I mean, what is she asking in exchange for those "huge benefits"?

12 March, 2016 18:15  
Blogger Steven Jones said...

I got the same email and its funny if a scammer is going to use someone name make sure there isn't a YouTube video showing her bravery and commitment to her country. I was going to play along because I get these all the time but not bored enough.

19 March, 2016 08:12  
Blogger Unknown said...

My dumb ass did I sent a pic of my I'd like a dumby and my address I feel so stupid I'm not to familiar with scams

20 October, 2016 12:23  
Blogger Unknown said...

3 years later and "Monica" is still at it

Hello,

Thank you for responding to my email. I apologize to encroach into your privacy in this manner, I got your contact from a directory on the Internet here in Afghanistan. I find it pleasurable to offer you my partnership in business and i pray at this time that, your e-mail contact address is still valid. I know you don't know me but i meant no harm sending you this note, just that I don't have anyone out there to talk to, as I lost my parents in a car Accident, when I was 11 year old, I was raise up by my adopted parents, but they died years ago, the relatives of my adopted Parents throw me out of the house saying that I was not their real daughter. I know you can handle this money for me on till I come over to meet with you, we can also build friendship with  this transaction. I lived in Lake Jackson, Texas before joining the Force.


You may be wondering why I choose to trust a delicate matter like this in the care of a stranger, but this is the best I can do in my present situation and I would have trusted this kind of project in the hands of my Husband who was my closest confidant, but I lost him to cancer on 22nd April, 2006 5 months after we got married, and my only brother has ruined his life with hard drugs, hence my decision to work with a neutral person if we can establish some trust between ourselves instead of confiding in my buddies back home so that this little secret can be preserved.

Let me start by introducing my self. My names are Sgt. Monica L. Brown, I am assigned to 782nd Brigade Support Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team,  82nd Airborne Division[3]. I am seeking your assistance to evacuate the sum of $10,500,000.00 (Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) as far as I can be assured that it will be safe in your care until I complete my service here.


SOURCE OF MONEY:

I and some other high ranking Officers made some deal on oil business over there in Afghanistan before my exit to Iraq. The deal worth $132 Million United States Dollars and after we have all share the money I later realize $10.5 Million US DOLLARS which is my personal share of the deal, due to my status as a US Sergeant, I can not be able to move this huge funds to my account in United States to avoid further interrogation or face any kind of probation by the U.S government and I packaged my own share in a briefcase and have sent it to the Red-Cross society, because there is no other way out to keep it with me here, so with the help of a German contact working with the UN here (his office enjoys some immunity) I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, as I have deposited the consignment as a family treasure. Your acceptance to this would encourage me to send further information for us to proceed.


Furthermore, If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve of my proposal. I believe that such opportunities only come ones way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by. For once I find myself in total control of my destiny. This chance won't pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on with my life but do not destroy me. If you give me positive signals, I will give you the relevant details and initiate this process towards a conclusion. I send you this mail not without a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches never come easy or on a platter of gold. Do not betray my confidence.


If you wish to proceed with this, please get back to me.


Regards,

Sgt. Monica L. Brown

22 October, 2016 08:23  

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