Saturday, June 8, 2013

Who's Yer Mummy?

Of corpse it is what it appears to be:  a mummy.

Why, you ask?

Well, I'll let you take a guess by viewing a brief snippet from a recent scammer:



I am MR. SAI MUMUNI. An accountant by profession, I'm presently working at the office of Bill and Exchange Department of Bank Of Africa (BOA). I am married with three children. My residences address No: 7 avenues Ave la 22 avenues de la Kanazoe Ouaga sect.: 21. Box Postal: 01 bp 5256 Ouagadougou Burkina Faso . My Private Telephone No is +226 75128222. Concerning what I need from you about this transaction. Although based on mutual trust and understanding. As you will lead me in establishment over in your country. Concerning the transaction at hand, as this cannot be done by email alone.
 
Meanwhile, I would want to detail you a little on the fund to be transferred to your account. This is not stolen money rather, a discovered abandoned money belonging to one of our late customers by name DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY who died some years ago in a plane crash together with his family living behind his contract sum unclaimed in our Banking Custody.
 
 According to one of our banking policies which stipulate that after some years of unclaimed fund, the fund will automatically go into the treasury of our bank as an unclaimed dormant fund. That's why I want to use you as next of kin to the deceased customer and claim out the fund. Importantly and as I discovered, my bank does not know that DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY has no next of kin which makes it easier for you to stand in as next of kin to the deceased person. It's only me and my colleagues who knew that DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY has no next of kin...




And you know where it goes from there.  Have you now figured out how a mummy got wrapped into this?  Of course you see what I just did there...

Anyway, I did one of my annoying 'edits' and sent it back to Sai and 50 of his friends and colleagues.  Only Sai apparently took umbrage.  But first, the edit:



Subject: DETAILS TO SPANK THE MUMMY
Hello,
 
Yes, you read this right.  I want to spank the mummy.  I need your help to do it.
 
 
  
Whatever you do, do NOT call me immediately on phone!  If my boss found out what I was planning to do on office time, he'd fire my perverted ass!  So whatever you do, do NOT call me at + 226 75128222.    
 

 
I state my details as follows:

 
I have the dishonor to be MR. SAI IT AINTSO.  An up and coming masturbator -- see what I just did there? -- and sock puppet sodomizer by profession, I'm presently working at the office of Duck Bill & Genital Exchange Department of Bank Of African Fowled Genitals (BOAFG). I am married with three children who refuse to know who I am because of what I do. My residences address No: 7 avenues Ave la 22 avenues de la Kanazoe Ouaga sect.: 21. Box Postal: 01 bp 5256 Ouagadougou Burkina Faso .  My business number which you are NEVER TO CALL is +226 75128222.
 
 
 
Concerning what I need from you about this transaction:  I want to spank the mummy.  No, not like your mummy and who's yer daddy if you happen to know....I mean like mummy in Cleopspanktra kind of mummy.  You've heard of sexual bondage?  Well....I'm into sexual bandage.  I saw it parodied once on South Park, and for me it will never be the same old "spank the monkey" nonsense ever again.
 
 
 
No flat banana puree for this perv.  Nuh-uh!
 
 
 
Concerning the transaction at hand, a firm grip is needed.  How's that grab ya?  Trust me:  spank the mummy  cannot be done by email alone.



 
Meanwhile, I would want to detail you a little on how I plant to spank the mummy with your help:  one of our late customers by name DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY -- a disreputable pervert who did prefer to spank the monkey, only to learn too late not to spank a live and full-growd one -- died some years ago and was mummified at the request of King Rootintootin of Abysmalania, a delapidated housing development in Chicago.
 
 
 
 According to one of our obscure policies it stipulates that employees cannot spank a late mummified customer.  But it says nothing about the mummified spouse of DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY, BEULAH, who was accidentally mummified at the same time, after during a barlighting episode in Dearborn, MRS. BRUMLEY was mistaken for Nobama Bin Laden by an off-duty SEAL.
 
 
 
Actually, Nancy Pelosi in total darkness looks better than MRS. BRUMLEY in mummified form, but that's a whole 'nother issue or issue not.  Before I digress into how Sandra Fluke resembles Fatima the Camel at Fast Sa-heed's House Of Violently Ill Hamas & Jay Con Carney, here is the main reason I think that I write to you:  I want to use you as next of kin to the mummified MRS. BRUMLEY  so that you can get me visitation to spank the mummy.
 
 
 
There is no risk about this for its 100% risk free* as I will provide you with some vital documents related to the mummified corpusle of MRSBRUMLEY and a test of APPLICATION LETTER OF CLAIM which you will answer all questions "True by reason of camel genital abuse as child", and then will resend to mausoleum fax line, introducing you as next of kin to MRSBRUMLEY and also instructing the mausoleum to allow me in to "pay my respects", whereat that time I will spank the mummy.
 
 
 
WhatEVER you do, could you NOT call me on the above phone number immediately you receive this email?  Email is risky enough.  My primate email is  sai_mumuni@yahoo.fr
 
 

Eagerly waiting for your urgent response. 
My Regards,
MR SAI IT AINTSO
mummy spanker
also knowd to do an inflatable Dianne Frankenfeinstein dummy when drunk enough 
 
 
  As I said, the email drew no responses from Sai's peers, but he was not terribly comprehending:



what is this?  this not what i send to u.



It isn't?  Dang...it's what I received.  You are one sick bastard, Sai. 



do not call names!  u want do busness or not? 



Answer me this, Sai:  why would I want to do business with a sick bastard like you who says the emails he sends are not the emails he sent, hmmm?  And you are a sick bastard.  Spank the mummy?  You is one sick, sick bastard.



From the resulting silence, I reckon we're not gonna do any business.  I wouldn't do business with a mummy spanking sick bastard, anyway  ;-)

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

He is a sick bastard too. Bwahahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. ☺

08 June, 2013 08:44  
Blogger Right Truth said...

King Rootintootin of Abysmalania...

Nancy Pelosi is just one of many.

What he needs to do cannot be done in emails, ha

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

08 June, 2013 18:16  

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