Who's Yer Mummy?
Why, you ask?
Well, I'll let you take a guess by viewing a brief snippet from a recent scammer:
I am MR. SAI MUMUNI. An accountant by profession, I'm presently working at the office of Bill and Exchange Department of Bank Of Africa (BOA). I am married with three children. My residences address No: 7 avenues Ave la 22 avenues de la Kanazoe Ouaga sect.: 21. Box Postal: 01 bp 5256 Ouagadougou Burkina Faso . My Private Telephone No is +226 75128222. Concerning what I need from you about this transaction. Although based on mutual trust and understanding. As you will lead me in establishment over in your country. Concerning the transaction at hand, as this cannot be done by email alone.
Meanwhile, I would want to detail you a little on the fund to be transferred to your account. This is not stolen money rather, a discovered abandoned money belonging to one of our late customers by name DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY who died some years ago in a plane crash together with his family living behind his contract sum unclaimed in our Banking Custody.
According to one of our banking policies which stipulate that after some years of unclaimed fund, the fund will automatically go into the treasury of our bank as an unclaimed dormant fund. That's why I want to use you as next of kin to the deceased customer and claim out the fund. Importantly and as I discovered, my bank does not know that DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY has no next of kin which makes it easier for you to stand in as next of kin to the deceased person. It's only me and my colleagues who knew that DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY has no next of kin...
And you know where it goes from there. Have you now figured out how a mummy got wrapped into this? Of course you see what I just did there...
Anyway, I did one of my annoying 'edits' and sent it back to Sai and 50 of his friends and colleagues. Only Sai apparently took umbrage. But first, the edit:
Subject: DETAILS TO SPANK THE MUMMY
Yes, you read this right. I want to spank the mummy. I need your help to do it.
Whatever you do, do NOT call me immediately on phone! If my boss found out what I was planning to do on office time, he'd fire my perverted ass! So whatever you do, do NOT call me at + 226 75128222.
I state my details as follows:
I have the dishonor to be MR. SAI IT AINTSO. An up and coming masturbator -- see what I just did there? -- and sock puppet sodomizer by profession, I'm presently working at the office of Duck Bill & Genital Exchange Department of Bank Of African Fowled Genitals (BOAFG). I am married with three children who refuse to know who I am because of what I do. My residences address No: 7 avenues Ave la 22 avenues de la Kanazoe Ouaga sect.: 21. Box Postal: 01 bp 5256 Ouagadougou Burkina Faso . My business number which you are NEVER TO CALL is +226 75128222.
Meanwhile, I would want to detail you a little on how I plant to spank the mummy with your help: one of our late customers by name DR. GEORGE BRUMLEY -- a disreputable pervert who did prefer to spank the monkey, only to learn too late not to spank a live and full-growd one -- died some years ago and was mummified at the request of King Rootintootin of Abysmalania, a delapidated housing development in Chicago.
WhatEVER you do, could you NOT call me on the above phone number immediately you receive this email? Email is risky enough. My primate email is email@example.com
Eagerly waiting for your urgent response.
MR SAI IT AINTSO
what is this? this not what i send to u.
It isn't? Dang...it's what I received. You are one sick bastard, Sai.
do not call names! u want do busness or not?
Answer me this, Sai: why would I want to do business with a sick bastard like you who says the emails he sends are not the emails he sent, hmmm? And you are a sick bastard. Spank the mummy? You is one sick, sick bastard.
From the resulting silence, I reckon we're not gonna do any business. I wouldn't do business with a mummy spanking sick bastard, anyway ;-)