It's All About The Delivery

Some forms of delivery are pretty straight forward.

Not so much in Scamland.

I've seen a lot of these fake UPS/FedEx/DHL scam emails.  Many of them want you to open a zip file attached to the email.  They say it's to get a delivery label for a package you never knew you had coming.

And it most likely contains malware, spyware, or some insidious computer virus.

The delivery is less than what you'd expected in the first place.

Here's the latest one I received, in so far as I was able to paste it over from the email:

If the links are not working, please move message to  "Inbox" folder.

                            DHL   

                                                                       PACK STATION     

DHL Ship Shipment Notification


On May 20, 2013 a shipment label was printed for delivery.
The shipment number of this package is 91418449.

To get additional info about this shipment use any of these options:

1) Click the following URL in your browser:
                 (which I scrubbed from the email)

2) Enter the shipment number on tracking page:
                   (which again I scrubbed from the email)


For further assistance, please call DHL Customer Service.
For International Customer Service, please use official DHL site.

Disclaimer:

This message was created by DHL Ship, a product of DHL, at the request
of the sender. No authentication of email address has been performed.

  Deutsche Post DHL    2013 DHL International GmbH. All rights reserved. 


Looks official, doesn't it?  Even if you weren't expecting anything.

Trust me...it ain't official.

And when I found that I could edit not only the text, but the highlighted text, it made the edit even more down to my usual standards:

If the links are not working, try patties instead.

                            PHUK   

                                                                                  STATION  3   

PHUK Ship Notification


On May 20, 2013 a shipment aboard our ship Le Phu Coop was lost when the ship turned turtle, and wasn't designed to operate that way.

 

Phuking thing sank.  See what we just did there?

 

So...if you want the shipment that was aboard, I suggest you get ahold of Robert Ballard.  He's got about the only sh*t that can retrieve it from 900 fathoms.  Yeah, it's pretty down there.

 

The shipment number before the thing fall down and go "glub glub" is 91418449.

That and 50 cents don't mean sh*t now.  Not unless you can afford Robert Ballard.

For further assistance, don't bother calling PHUK Customer Service; we ain't got any sh*t that can go down that deep and come back up widdit.

For International Customer Service...same response.  If we're anything, it's consistent.

 

PHUK

Disclaimer:
This message was created by PHUK Ship, formerly a product of PHUK until the bastard sank. No responsibility on our part for this.  None.  Nada.  Zip.  Zero.  Yeah, we're democraps.  If your shipment was insured, go crying to the insurer, not us.  We're busy trying to convert a fertilizer ship for a replacement.  If you feel you've received this email in error, trust us....you didn't.  We got your email from the IRS, along with your blood type.  Don't try this at home; use a neighbor's instead. 

  DoucheNozzle Post PHUK    2013 PHUK International GmbH. All rights constantly disputed. 

 

 

 

No response from the email originator.  I guess that means I won't be 'getting' what it was they wanted me to 'get'.

 

Eh.