Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Pterydactyl Chronicles - II

Well...I thought that the image of a "carrier pterydactyl", landing on and collapsing their roof -- and the three days of silence that resulted -- was the end of Alou Aloustos and his scam.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Alou decided to introduce me to the courier company that he would use to deliver me the non-existant check.

So here -- with limited comment interruption from yours truly -- is how Part II played out, email by email:


Dear Andrew Green,

This is to inform you that i have received the information you sent.

Below is the contact of the courier company:

NAMES:Apex Courier Company.
E-MAIL:apexcourier397@yahoo.com

You are to contact the courier company since i will be going there this morning to deliver your package.
Please adhere to any instruction they will give you so that we can have a smooth delivery of your package.

Keep me informed as you discuss with them.
Thanks and God bless,
Alou


And thus enters, stage Left, the "courier company" (which is always in caps as sent to me):



 ATTENTION ANDREW GREEN,

WE HAVE RECEIVED YOUR PARCEL SENT TO US BY YOUR PARTNER(MR.ALAN).

YOU ARE TO PAY OUR COURIER FEE OF $499 ONLY.
YOU ARE THEREBY REQUESTED TO RESPOND TO US SO THAT WE CAN INFORM YOU ON HOW TO SEND THE FEE ACROSS.

WE WILL ALSO SEND YOUR TRACKING NUMBER TO YOU AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.
REGARDS,
APEX COURIER.



Fine...please send me your GPS coordinates to ship the $499 to you without delay.
Andrew




 
ATTENTION,
YOUR MAIL WAS NOTED TOGETHER WITH THE CONTENT THEREIN.
BELOW IS THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE IN SENDING THE FEE.
SEND THE FEE THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

NAME:FRIDAY JUDE CHINYERE

LOCATION:LAGOS-NIGERIA

TEXT QUESTION:MICKY

TEXT ANSWER:MOUSE

SEND THE FEE THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AND SEND THE MTCN NUMBER TO US HERE SO THAT WE CAN INFORM MR.JUDE TO GO AND PICK THE MONEY.
WE WILL SEND YOUR TRACKING NUMBER TO YOU AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.

PLEASE NOTE WE HAVE RECEIVE YOUR PARCEL SENT TO US BY YOUR PARTNER(MR.ALOU).

YOU ARE TO PAY OUR COURIER FEE OF $499 ONLY.
YOU ARE THEREBY REQUESTED TO RESPOND TO US SO THAT WE CAN INFORM YOU ON HOW TO SEND THE FEE ACROSS.

WE WILL ALSO SEND YOUR TRACKING NUMBER TO YOU AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.
REGARDS,
APEX COURIER.


 Dear Apex,
I still await your GPS coordinates, to the carrier pterydactyl can deliver the transfer fee to you, and return with my check. Reply soonest, please.
Andrew Green





 
 ATTENTION,
WE UNDERSTAND YOUR STATEMENT.

YOU SHOULD GO AHEAD AND SEND THE FEE OF $499 WITH THE INFORMATION WE SENT TO YOU.
SEND THE FEE SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED IN SENDING YOUR FUND TO YOU.
WE HAVE RECEIVE YOUR PARCEL SENT TO US BY YOUR PARTNER(MR.ALOU).
YOU ARE TO PAY OUR COURIER FEE OF $499 ONLY.
YOU ARE THEREBY REQUESTED TO RESPOND TO US SO THAT WE CAN INFORM YOU ON HOW TO SEND THE FEE ACROSS.

WE WILL ALSO SEND YOUR TRACKING NUMBER TO YOU AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.REGARDS,
APEX COURIER.

 
 
 
Dear Apex: if you understand the statement, then I fail to see why you didn't include your GPS coordinates in your reply. My fee is standing by with the carrier pterydactyl. Andrew



Dear,
That is OK ,just go ahead and conclude with them and also inform them on the exact place you prefer the pterydactyl to receive the package. Keep me informed as you conclude with the courier company.
Alou
 
 
ATTENTION,

THAT IS NOT THE WAY WE OPERATE.
YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT UNDER THE ALLIED MATTER CODES AND CONDUCTS THAT GUIDE COURIER COMPANIES HERE IN NIGERIA,A CUSTOMER(CLIENT)HAVE TO PAY FOR COURIER FEE BEFORE THE DELIVERING OF HIS/HER PARCEL/PACKAGE.

SINCE YOU NEED YOUR CARRIER PTERYDACTYL TO RECEIVE AND DELIVER IT TO YOU IN YOUR HOME ADDRESS,WE SUGGEST YOU ARRANGE FOR HIM/HER TO MEET OUR AGENT AS HE ARRIVE BOB HOPE AIRPORT BURBANK.

OUR AGENT WILL PROCEED FURTHER TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS TO MEET WITH YOUR CARRIER PTERYDACTYL.

AL WE REQUIRE OF YOU IS TO SEND OUR FEE SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED WITH THE ARRANGEMENT.
NOTE:HERE IS YOUR TRACKING NUMBER T67930HG4433.

WE HAVE RECEIVE YOUR PARCEL SENT TO US BY YOUR PARTNER(MR.ALOU).

YOU ARE TO PAY OUR COURIER FEE OF $499 ONLY.YOU ARE THEREBY REQUESTED TO RESPOND TO US SO THAT WE CAN INFORM YOU ON HOW TO SEND THE FEE ACROSS.

WE WILL ALSO SEND YOUR TRACKING NUMBER TO YOU AS WE HEAR FROM YOU.
REGARDS,
APEX COURIER.


 
 
 
Okay, fine: if you want the carrier pterydactyl to meet your agent at Bob Hope-Burbank airport, that's fine. He can find that. He will be on his way when you advise me your agent is going there. Andrew



 ATTENTION,

THAT IS VERY MUCH OK FOR US.
BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE TO SEND OUR COURIER FEE BEFORE THE DEPARTURE OF OUR AGENT.

I TOLD YOU IN MY LAST MAIL THAT WE CAN NOT BREAK THE LAW GUIDING THE COURIER COMPANIES HERE IN THIS COUNTRY.
I WILL INFORM YOU ON HOW YOUR PTERYDACTYL
WILL LOCATE OUR AGENT AS HE ARRIVE BOB HOPE AIRPORT BURBANK.

BE INFORMED THAT I HAVE SENT YOUR TRACKING NUMBER TO YOU AND WILL ADVISE YOU FURTHER AS WE RECEIVE OUR COURIER FEE.

EXPECTING YOUR IMMEDIATE REPLY.
APEX COURIER COMPANY.



 My carrier pterydactyl will be at Bob Hope-Burbank Airport when you tell me your courier will arrive. The courier will know who it is, because my pterydactyl will be holding a sign that says "APEX COURIER".
Name the day and time, and the pterydactyl will be there with the fee.
Andrew
 

Dear green,

I was called on the telephone this morning by the courier company,they informed me that you did not want to send their courier fee to them.Why didn't send the money to them so that we can get this thing done once and for all.

I have done every possible thing i did to make sure that this money get to your hand so that you can sleep with your two eyes closed.

I want you to send the money to them immediately so that they can tell you the date and time you will recieve your check.

Send the money to them please.
Waiting for your response,
Alou

Alou, that is simply NOT TRUE. I have offered to send them the money via the same means I request my check be returned to me: via my carrier pterydactyl. You both have stated that you have read and clearly understood my emails and intentions. So for them to say that I refuse to send the courier fee to them is ludicrous and disingenuous on their part. My carrier pterydactyl is standing by to make the delivery at Bob Hope-Burbank Airport, as they suggested.
Andrew



ATTENTION,

WE ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE COURIER FEE,YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT WE CAN NOT PROCEED FURTHER WITHOUT THE FEE.
REGARDS,APEX COURIER COMPANY.




Apex,
I have told you that all you need to do is dispatch your courier with the check to Bob Hope-Burbank Airport as you yourselves suggested, and provide me with when the courier will arrive; my carrier pterydactyl will meet him there with the fee.
Heck, I will triple the fee requested to $1500, payable to your courier upon his arrival. I only need to know when he will arrive so my carrier pterydactyl can be there on time.
Andrew




 Dear,

The courier sent the rules guiding them to me and i went through it.
What i want you to do now is to send their courier fee to them so that we can save ourselves all these headache,send their courier fee to them since i have went through the law guiding them.

What you will do after sending the fee is to arrange on how to receive the parcel since you intend sending your pterydacty to the airport to pick it up.
Please adhere to my advise so that both of us can have a good rest.
Yours,
Alou



Alou,
I have already told the courier people that I would triple their fee if they would simply do things my way. I have the carrier pterydactyl standing by; all they have to do is tell me when their courier will arrive with the check at the selected airport, and I will have the carrier pterydactyl meet them there with the increased fees.
I mean this is so simple...do I need to increase the fee further?
Andrew


 
 
 ATTENTION,

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR STAND OVER HERE,THERE IS NO WAY THAT WE CAN DISPATCH THIS PACKAGE WITHOUT DOING THE NECESSARY THINGS THAT IT REQUIRED.
WE HAVE TO STAMP IT AND ALL THE REST OF THAT.I DISCUSSED WITH YOUR PARTNER CONCERNING THIS,AND HOPEFULLY THAT HE CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT WE ARE DOING.
UNDERSTAND ALSO THAT WE DON'T WORK LIKE THAT,WE COLLECT COURIER FEE BEFORE DISPATCH.BE REST ASSURED THAT WE WILL COMMENCE THE DISPATCH AS WE RECEIVE OUR FEE.

REGARDS,
APEX COURIER COMPANY.



Dear Apex,
I, too, am a businessman, so I know how these things work on paper...and in the real world. A little bit of currency 'persuasion' usually circumvents regulations and stamps.
Trust me on that.
I have already told your partner...I am willing to further increase the fee you need to collect, if it will expedite things on my terms. My terms: have your courier bring the check to the airport of your choice, tell me when and where, and my carrier pterydactyl will meet them there with the fee. I am quite ready to increase it well beyond the original $499. Name your price.
Andrew



  
Dear,
You do not need to increase the fee,what i understood from the courier company is that they only need the fee paid to them before they arrive to the your country.

I don't want in a situation whereby you will start having problems with them. Just go ahead and send the fee to them since it is the same thing. Send the fee to them to avoid any more delay in delivering your check to you.

 
 
Alou,
Really, I am perplexed at this. My method is simple, tried and tested, and I have never had a failure with it. And I am willing to increase the fee 10 times and more if that is what it takes to get the courier company to see things my way.
Alan, it's not that I need the money; I truly don't. I'm a wealthy businessman many times over. But this windbreak you are dropping in my lap can do so much good in so many ways; I had in mind to donate the entirety to windows and organs, those kinds of charities.
So while I don't myself need the money...think of all those it can help. Think of them, and prevail upon the courier company to see things my way. I WILL make it worth your and their while.
Andrew





 You don't understand what the courier company said.
They told me that they will use the fee in securing stamps and other things to make sure that they have a smooth transfer.

I don't see any reason for you increasing their fee when me and you already know that all they ask is $499.I can now understand that you are the one delaying this transaction.

What will take you to send the little fee they required of you?

Just go ahead and send the fee to them so that they can proceed further to your home country.
Yours





 Hey, you started this whole business transaction by contacting me, not the other way around. I have made a good faith offer on how I am comfortable with sending the fees and receiving the check, okay? I am the customer here, am I not?
Have you heard of customer service? The customer is always right? Going the extra mile to convince your customer that they are number 1? Are you seeing the point I'm getting at here?
I think I have been most cooperative. And I have been MORE than generous in upping the fee to make my wishes as a customer more lucrative to the courier service. Let me ask you, APEX: have you ever had ANY customer willing to pay you more, for a specific brand of delivery that you don't usually do? If you've been in the business of delivery long, you KNOW the answer to that is YES, you have. But you also know that most customers want it as cheap as possible and as soon as possible.
I am willing to pay you well over what you meant to charge, so that I can have it my way while making it profitable for you. I think in that regard, I am above all reproach.
SO...I'll up the fee I am willing to pay you to $15,000, if you will do this MY WAY.
Andrew

 
 
WE DON'T OPERATE THAT WAY,IF YOU ARE NOT SENDING THE FEE AS YOU WERE INITIALLY TOLD,WE HAVE NO CHOICE THAN CALLING YOUR PARTNER(ALOU)TO COME AND HAVE HIS PACKAGE BACK.
REGARDS,
APEX COURIER COMPANY



 Hmmmm...I just noticed something here, APEX/Alou: Alou sends his emails with word spacing without caps...and you, APEX, just did the same thing with word spacing, with caps. Are APEX and Alou the same person?
It sounds to me like you want to quash the deal, fellas. So, here's my last ante to do right by what Alou originally claimed he was all about: I will pay APEX $25,000, in cash and on the spot, if they will meet with my carrier pterydactyl at Bob Hope-Burbank Airport, or any other airport within the continental US that they choose.
OR...I will have my carrier pterydactyl bring the fees to an international airport that is mutually closer for both me and the courier company, so long as a courier company representative is there with the check and to receive the fees.
It's time, as we say in business, to fish or cut bait. Which will you do, Alou/APEX?





 I simple do not understand your take in this.
I will like to ask you few questions.

1)Is it hard for you to pay the courier their fees?
2)Are you skeptical?
3)What you mean fish or cut bait?


 

 I think that with my offer to pay the fees above and beyond the originally asked ones, your first question is ridiculous. I just offered to pay $25,000 to the courier service for doing it my way. That, my math-challenged friend, is 100 times the original fee. I offer this because I know I want it done an unusual way. But I am the customer, and that is how I want it. I cannot see why the courier service is afraid of making 50 times more on one delivery, than they've ever made before.
Your second question: I wasn't skeptical when we started. Your reluctance to make a very profitable business decision is making me skeptical.
Your third question...another way to put it is, it’s time for you and Apex to sh*t or get off the pot.



 

 You not swear, what you need is to pay the fees. It is not right you make courier put to this trouble. It okay your carrier pterydactyl pick up check, but it is not for him to deliver fees. You wire fees agree to before you loss this fund.

 

Are we on, or are you throwing away a helluva deal and profit, Apex?
Andrew


 

  And after a few hours of no more responses from either Alou or Apex Couriers, Andrew gets in one last little dig:

 
 
Since you obviously don't appreciate a chance at a clear and sizeable profit here, and since you aren't customer service-oriented, I will have my carrier pterydactyl stand down, and I won't be sending any fee. Apex, you may go ahead and return the fund to Alan.
I try to do good business here, and it takes you two chuckleheads to screw up a perfectly winnable scenario for yourselves and a lot of windows and organs out there.
I can't imagine your employers are very happy with you right now.
Andrew




 It did prompt one last, pithy salvo from the "courier company", who slipped and admitted that they and Alou were in fact, one and the same:

 
ATTENTION,
BE INFORMED THAT WE ARE NOT GREEDY PEOPLE,I CAN NOT GO CONTRARY TO THE RULES AND REGULATION THAT GUIDES COURIER COMPANIES HERE IN NIGERIA BECAUSE OF MONEY.

I HAVE A CONSCIENCE AND WILL NOT DO ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE ME FILL GUILTY (bullsh*t, Matilda).

PLEASE INFORM US IF YOU ARE SENDING THE $499 OR SHOULD WE GO AHEAD AND RETURN THE PARCEL TO MR.ALOU.

YOURS,
ALOU (*TOING*)


 
Assuming that this is their *last gasp* – which I assumed before when silence greeted the image of the pterydactyl collapsing their roof – I note the "oopsie" in their email, and throw a couple digs in to tweak the *greedy* in him/them:

 
You just made a mistake there. I'll let you find where in your message you made it. But that's okay, because playing under the auspices of "the courier company" -- aka you -- you just screwed up the opportunity of a lifetime.
I was prepared to go ahead and have my carrier pterydactyl deliver to you $25,000 in cash, and bring back the check. Whatever else you are and aren't, business-wise you are not.
As I said, I am a wealthy businessman and have no need of any "funds" from Nigeria. I routinely handle more money in a week than you were trying to send me.
I will never understand how people like you could let such an opportunity pass. But now it's your loss. You should have played at being more greedy.
Andrew

Now the LAST TIME I thought it was over for the Pterydactyl Chronicles, Alou and Apex resurfaced.
So just in case...if you look to the sky, and think for a moment you might have seen a pterydactyl winging its way to destinations as yet unknown...put down the bottle or bong and back slowly away....from where the pterydactyl might have to land on your roof. Being 65 million + years out of practice, he gets winded easy...

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2 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

You just wore him down. You wore him down to the ground. Bwahahahahahahahaha. I love it.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. ☺

05 June, 2013 09:15  
Blogger Right Truth said...

I love how they use all caps.

You must have the patience of Job, I would pull my hair out dealing with these people.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

05 June, 2013 19:20  

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