Eating Ambassador...

I KNOW that it ain't only on the mind of the cow h'yar.

A scammer's thinking it too, as you'll soon see.

After playing games with the scammer who purported to be our ambassador to Nigeria -- and who doesn't wike me now that I funned him and hurt his widdow feewings -- the abject moron sent me the same scam to another of my email addresses.

Very same scam.  Very same email.

My 'edit' was not quite the same, however:

From: U.S. Ambassador Terence P. McCulley <terence_mcculley11@live.com>
To:
Sent: Thursday, April 25, 2013 4:58 AM
Subject: US Ambassador to Nigeria

United States Consulate General Lagos
2 Walter Carrington Crescent
Victoria Island, LagosNigeria.


My name is Terence Patrick McCulley, the new United States Ambassador to the Federal Republic of Nigeria.  And you just aren't gonna believe what I have to tell you.  You're gonna find it so unbelieveable, you're gonna want me to pinch you to make sure you were awake and didn't dream you just read this.  Well, I can't and you are and did.

 

I hope that clarifies it for you.

 

Anyway, my history shit reads something like this in Wikipedia before a nerd gerbil knawed on the text:  The United States Senate had confirmed my nomination on August 5 2010 after a meth party at Harry Reid's place (you didn't REALLY think he got that way normally, do you?).  My credentials as the new Ambassador appointed were taken and eaten by His Excellency -- albeit a prick -- President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan at the Presidential Villa in Abuja, Nigeria, on November 2, 2010.

 

Up to then, I was a career member of the senior Foreign Service with the rank of Minister-Counselor whose diplomatic career has been spent mostly in Africa or working on African issues.  Prior to that, I got to serve in a really cool place, like at the U.S. Embassy in Copenhagen, Denmark. Never again, because in '09, then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton asked me if her new pants suit made her butt look fat.  I answered responded that it wasn't so much so that it required an OSHA mandated back-up alarm. 

 

Now I'm in Nigeria.  Bitch.

 

I'm sure it had nothing to do with my holding a Bachelor of Arts degree in Flash Mobs and How To Destroy An Urban Downtown Area In The Name of Anarchy; or maybe that contributed to my being posted here as well.  Bureaucratic asswagons.  At the time, they never complained about the fact I've also rioted at the University of Oregon in Eugene, and I also practiced disruptive libtard crap at the Université de Haute Bretagne in Rennes, France, from 1979-1980 as a 'Sit On This And Rotate' Foundation Graduate Fellow.  And I also went to the Nancy Pelosi School Of How To Get And Stay Stupid, from which I graduated valediptorian.


However, following the resolution of the meeting held with His Excellency (aka, Prick) President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan at the Presidential Villa in Abuja yesterday with some members of the Federal House of Senate, an agreement was reached that I would be eaten by either (a) a boa constrictor or (b) a Nigerian cannibal named Booga Unga Bunga. 

 

 

I didn't get to choose, so as I am sending this, the f**king cannibal is slow basting my feet as an appetizer.

 

I would appreciate it if one of you would send me help.  Or at the very least, some ketchup.

 

Please take note that the help AND the ketchup need to be packaged together inside a "Attention U.S Embassy Official Envelope" so that it might get to me before Unga Bunga gets to grilling my family jewels.  .

Respectfully yours,

Mr. Terence P. McCulley
US Ambassador to Nigeria for about another five meals or so....

<terence_mcculley11@live.com>

I was a bit amazed -- though gratified in my peculiar way -- to receive a response within a couple hours:


WHY ARE YOU FOOL THINK YOUR SAFE?   I KNOW BAD PEOPLE FOR YOU.   DO NOT EMAIL AGAIN

With such a warning ringing in my ears, discretion seemed the better part of valour.  Fortunately, I don't know sh*t about most fabrics:


Ah, so you know baaaaaaad peoples, huh?  I do too.  Let's have your baaaaaaaaaaaad peoples do lunch with my bad peoples, and see who ain't et at the end.


No reservations booked just yet, but I guarantee you that after one look in MY kitchen, his bad people will be running madly back to Nigeria...