How NOT To Compliment The Season
Have you ever had an email that started with "Compliment of the season"? I've had a few over the years, and I've always moved past that salutation to deal with whatever the contents of the email were.
This time, I decided to address the issue directly with the sender (aka, a scammer). Now, there was most likely going to be no exchange, because when I respond to scammers with questions quite off the subject, as often as not they don't bother to reply to me further.
I guess they have somewhat literate-in-English handlers.
But this one -- representing herself as Esther Kwambe of the Ivory Coast, but most likely a dude from one of their fly-infested internet cafes -- actually and foolishly engaged my question via email, albeit briefly:
Me: "What compliment is this season deserving of, do you reckon?"
Scammer: "i am not understand you question?"
Me: "You wrote, 'compliment of the season'; I ask how so and why?"
Scammer: "it is not important to what i wis...h to speak with you abouts".
Me: "It's important to me to know how this particular season is deserving of a compliment and why..this is very important".
Scammer: "why?"Me: "Because in the karmic scheme of mice and the cats who eat them, to everything there is a season, and an inappropriate compliment to an undeserving season is bad form in certain venues. Do you follow me?"
Scammer: "do you have fun with me?"
Me: "So it appears. Do you think it's complimentary to the season at hand?"
This brought an end to our email exchange through one of my addresses. But lo and behold...I got the exact same email from allegedly the exact same person through a second address as well.
Since I already have two active scambaits going, I thought it'd just be simpler to edit this one in one of my less than mannerly versions. And if I'm right about this scammer actually being a dude, parts of this email will probably go right over his head.
Perhaps you'll see what I just did there..or not:
Subject: Compliment of the season.
Please if you are willing to critique this compliment of the season, indicate your interest in replying me through my private Email ( firstname.lastname@example.org )
This message might come to you as a surprise. The chosen compliment of the season might too. However, I don't give a soda straw f**k because this is not why I write.
I want you to do three things: (1) cast your vote on my 'Compliment of the Season', since I can win a vaginal rebushing here if I get enough votes, and mine is already so used it's hanging down around my knees when I stand; (2) help me to determine if the money my boxed father told me about are real of just another of his meth 'n Pepsi hallucinations, and (3) get me the centipede fornication OUT side my country so that I can start sponging off your free welfare, healthcare, cell phones and other stuff that we can't get here, because this place sucks.
My plan is, in the words of the puppet Kim Sung IL, "a very good pran", and I have work long and hard on it between stuffing my saggying vagina back into place. This is my reason for writing to you.
Thanks and conditional best regards depending on your reply; I have a voodoo doll to start sticking if you don't.
Your new nightmare with a hanging vagina,