Thursday, June 20, 2013

Stupid Is...As Scammers Are

Yes, this is actually a picture a scammer sent me of hisself.  Meet Nelson Yakubu, Bannister.

But he ain't the point of this 'un.  He's just an example of stupid.

No, Esther Kwambe is the focus of this one.

Esther has sent me the same email on three addresses.  One I am playing.  Two I have edited.  She's still responding to the 'play' on that address, but refuses to communicate with me after the edits on the other two.

UNTIL...I included her as a recipient in yet another edit.

Witness the following email from 'Deborah', once my editing mode took over:

From: Deborah HENDRICKS <>To:
Sent: Saturday, June 15, 2013 5:33 PMSubject: HELLO

Yes, I like that word.  Hello.  It is easy to write.  Easy to remember.  Don't know what the f**k it means, but I like that word.
Now..let me first not apologize one iota for this intrusion into your life.  You will listen to what I have to say, asslips.
I'm Ms.Deborah HENDRICKS by one name, with a sh*tload of acronyms and aliases that we won't go into here.  I am an ex-director of an NGO (Non-Genital Orifice), a graduate of HCS (High Study of Ca-ca), and I have genital warts of which I'm quite proud.

I was diagnoses cancer for about 22 months, which means for the rest of my pathetic life I wasn't diagnoses cancer.  My doctor informed me that I'm in Phase XXIX, that is to say that I haven't caught up to the Super Bowl yet.

During the progression of my love of hello -- which I really don't know what the f**k it means, really -- I sold all my late husband's appendages  (arms, legs, fingers, toes, winkee, jewels) in LONDON where I lives for over 23 years without once having the sense to get a good spells checker.  Or spells chess.

The reason for my message is that I lost my only pet shrunken head, Gus, in a plane crash a few years back, so I now make arrangements for my extensive toe lint collection (from the toes of deceased people a friend of mine at the morgue collects for me), and it's worth exactly...spit.

The reason why I contact you is because I am against the fact that my genital warts will never get to meet my toe lint collection, and so I prefer it to be used to acts beneficial to the evolution of the world or perform of humanitarian acts, such as toe lint can do.  

I am well aware of what I propose and I ask for nothing; one of my surrogates will get around to asking for something later.  Just tell them to shove a sand crab up their ass.

Being assured of being in front of a responsible kidneys and liver, is what makes part of the system do whatever it is that it's supposed to do thanks to kidneys and liver.  Right?  Hello...still love that word even if I don't know what the f**k it means.

please contact me as soon as possible to enable me find out what Hello means, please. 

Ms.Deborah HENDRICKS <>;
That got no reply from 'Ms Hendricks', but it DID get a reply from Esther Kwambe...a copy of the exact same scam letter I've received three addressed to Debora Hendrick.
My pet rock, Seymour, wanted in on this one and volunteered to write back as "Debora".  He wasn't very nice about it:
You didn't write that you know what the f**k hello means, I see.  Didn't I ASK YOU FOR THAT?  Wasn't I plain in my meaning, hmmmmmmmmmm?  Didn't I ask that question repeatively in my text?  And what do you send me back?  An email version of an Amway pitch! 
You think you has some biscuits with me, Ether Kwabcake?  Fine..then you write and tell me WHAT THE F**K HELLOO MEANS!!!  And because you f**ked up the first try, you have to tell me the meaning in 10 different languages (English, Spanish, Dutch, Belgian, German, Afrikkaners, Farsi, Duck, Mandarin and Orange).  If you get so much as ONE OF THEM WRONG, you are an ATROPHIED PENIS HEAD and we can't writes or have speaks no mores.
Das ist gud, ja.
Deborah Hendrick...not Debora, you cruciverbally-stunted schmuckette
Seymour is still waiting on a reply to that.  I think he'll be waiting quite a while...


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Blogger SueAnn Lommler said...

You totally crack me up. I read this whole thing to my dearest and he choked on his breakfast...enough said

20 June, 2013 04:55  
Blogger Sandee said...

Meet Nelson Yakubu, Bannister? Isn't that supposed to be Barrister? I thought so.

Tell Seymour he did a great job. I've always liked that rock. He's smarter than most give him credit for.

I'm not thinking you're going to get a response on either letter though.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. ☺

20 June, 2013 09:03  
Blogger Right Truth said...

I think this is your best one. (Not because my name is Deborah, spelled that way, ha)

You really put some serious thought into this and the reply is priceless. Can't wait for more.

Right Truth

20 June, 2013 18:59  

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