Friday, June 14, 2013

That Voodoo That They Do So....Badly

Some scammers on occasion try to threaten me with "the occult".

Others, a mere mention of it gives them the heebie-geebies.

Either way, works for me  ;-)

My pet rock, Seymour, was trying to do what he called a "voodoo booga booga" dance on the entertainment center, but all he did was roll off with a *THUD* while the rest of his assembled pals there laughed hysterically.

"Did NOT!!"


A claimed "former contact" of mine -- so he says -- wrote to me under the name of Morgan Hill, and claims that he has memories of me trying to help him move funds before...*face palm*.  Many scammers have written to me as "undisclosed recipients", so I'm sure he's confusing me with someone else he tried to play.

Anyway...he's *back* he says...and he wants to 'reward' me for my earlier help, even if it didn't work out for him the first time.

In Scamland, this is kinda like twice-baked potatoes, or refried beans.  Only kinda.

At any rate, having my hands quite full with two ongoing scambaits, I decided to have some editing fun with ol' Morgan:

FROM: Dr. Morgan Hill
      Pan Africa Wart 'n Bimpf Removal Services

Dear good friend,

I am glad to inform you that I finally succeed in ridding myself of those sinus genital warts I got from my illicit relations with that horrible trollope, Esther Kwambe ( after we shared sex with a Congo Platypus last year.  I did not forget your past advice to have my penis surgically removed so that I could not infect our local goat herd with this scourge, and have since gotten along with a prosthetic zucchini.  The goats got it anyway, because you gave me that friggin' advice a day late..
What I owe you for that goes beyond mere words...I have a local witch doctor working on it now, but I digress.
I have been seeking all along another opportunity to 'thank you' for what you did me, just in case the witch doctor is an inept ninny.  I have thus secured the services of a trained toilet snake licker by the name of Emmanuel Joshua, who specializes in things too kinky and weird to spell out in this email, though he does hold the record for the most animals stampeded in one elevator after he crowded them all in there and farted, in 2012.  You can email him at the  email below, OR you can phone him in the middle of the night -- he loves being awakened after a drunken binge when he's home alone, spanking the monkey in his sleep -- at +234 8061100487, which is also the Nigerian 900 number equivalent to Have Your Monkey Spanked By Madam Esther Kwambe For Only $9.95 A Minute (long distance and perversions rates apply).   His email: 
He loves to hear heavy breathing from yaks and wildebeests, so if you can arrange a recording of that, he'll be EVER so grateful.
Mention my name and he'll probably have the witch doctor try to shrink my prosthetic zucchini, so please mention Joe Biden, instead.

Tel:     Tel: +:+234-8061100487
Attn:    Emmanuel Joshua

Please do let me know immediately if the witch doctor's incantation turns you into a door knob, so that I can share the joy. In the moment, I am very busy here because my prosthetic zucchini just fell off and I think I'm going to go kick that witch doctor's ass.  

Best regards,

Dr. Morgan Hill
Pan Africa Wart 'n Bimpf Removal Services
"We Can Fix Warts Eating You...Hahahahahahaha, We Funny!"

Not sure how "Dr" Morgan Hill took my edit; I got a response that was void of text.
Perhaps the boogerman got him...
Seymour just rolled off the entertainment center again...

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Blogger Sandee said...

Seymour is going to hurt himself if he keeps falling off the entertainment center.

Love this.

Have a fabulous day and weekend. My best to Seymour. :)

14 June, 2013 09:25  
Blogger Serena said...

LOL! Maybe he thinks you put the evil eye on him.

I'd pay good money to see Seymour's voodoo booga booga dance.:)

14 June, 2013 17:12  

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