Speedbaiting

Here I was, a few days short of Valentine's Day, and nothing new to write.

Leave it to my email accounts to fix that.

In the same email account -- which is interesting, because it gets scam emails but nothing related to Facebroke -- I got this email ad for 'speeddating', AND an email from a 'chick' named Adriana who allegedly has read my profile on Facebroke -- including my picture -- and thinks I'm a "hunk".

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Deluded scammer, cave in.


Still, I should be thankful...the scammer and Facebroke saved my Valentine's Day blog post.

If you consider what follows as being "saved".

So let's start with the email that began this nonsense:


How are you doing today cute...Sorry, I've been out of town but am back and looking for a good time in the state. I have some new pics uploaded in case you forgot about me. You look great on your Facebook.Cute I think you should know When a woman calls you hot, she's looking at your gluts/pecs. When she says you're handsome, she's looking at your face. But, when a woman tells you that you're drop-dead gorgeous, she's looking at your heart. "Am Looking at your heart In conjunction with Ur Smile, I believe you Perfectly Made by God and you Must be a Real trouble when God assemble you. hey I just Taught I drop a Few Comment On you as U know. "Life without Love is like a harp without strings." Hope I can Read from you Soon!. And If I don't. I want you have a Pleasant Day Ahead!. Keep Smilin, hunk!

Okay, let’s take this by the unlisted numbers:
1. This came into an email address that has no connection to my Facebroke page.
2. This came addressed to me as "undisclosed recipients", aka., there are gawd knows how many folks it was sent to.
3. If this person had seen me lately, they’d be inquiring about how I liked manatee ranching..
4. This showed up the same day that I got a "Facebook Speeddating" email..

　
Facebook ‘speeddating’...I’d like to see someone start a page for mayfly speeddating. Talk about something needing ‘speed’ when it comes to dating: they only last 5 minutes to 1 day. Never was "wham, bam, thank ye Ma’am" more appropo.


If less than romantic.


Well, being the kind of romantic that I ain’t (just ask any of my exes....), I wondered what I could do for Valentine’s Day that was in line with ‘speeddating’.



And I got it: speedBAITING. Of email scammers.



So I took the above email, and I "speedbait edited" it. It came out reading like this:
　
..
How are you doing today, hammerlips? Sorry, I've been out of town but am back and looking for some good breeding stock for a gnu and alpaca ranch up around Berthoud, and you came immediately to mind.   Yes, you. Now, don’t go thanking me just yet...I ain’t started in.
I have a new pic of you uploaded in case you thought I quit having you followed. And you thought you looked hawt on your Facebroke page....bwhahahaha, well NOW you look as others see you!

　
　
I think you should know that when a man calls you slut, he’s hoping that you are. When he says you're beautiful, he's looking at your ass. But, when a man tells you that you're "goat poking three bags anonymous", he's looking at your crotch.
You know, it was the great dating aficionado, Henry the VIIIth that said, "shut up, beeyotch!". That might be why he never got a 9^th, but I digress.
Anyway, I am looking at your heart In conjunction with your gams, crotch, ears and all the rest of you, and I believe that you are perfectly made for this gnu/alpaca ranch outside of Berthoud. I mean, you’re so ugly you’re cute in a mud-covered horking alpaca kinda way.
Anyway, since it’s almost Valentine’s Day, I just Taught I drop a Few Comment On you as U know. "Life without love is like being a cowboy in Wyoming without velcro gloves to help sheep through the fence". Hope I can Read from you soon. That’s assuming you know how to do anything other than drool or spit!. And If I don't, I want you have a butt wax to reduce hairballs, which are bad for the environment. Keep Smilin, hammerlips!


　Yep, that was immediately dispatched to the originator and about 100 of his/hers/its peers and colleagues.  And in less than a day, I got this back from the originator, "Adriana" or whomsoever:

PRICK

I had to laugh at the brevity.

And also that I thought that was sorta the point of her original email (besides the 'link' that might have concealed ill).   Whether it is or isn’t, I thought to find out:


　
Wasn't that the point of your email?  At any rate, you'll have plenty to ponder at the alpaca ranch.
　

Eh...the ensuing silence suggests that it wasn't her point at all.


By gawd, I think I got this "speedbaiting" down, don’t you?