Sunday, December 2, 2012

Scamtrum

Like this lamestream media tantrum-thrower, I have the occasion to get something of the sort from the scammers that I mess with.

They don't think that it's fair, right, or even legal, for me to mess with their scam.

Whatever.

A scammer I screwed with earlier this summer -- Lukas Mukemva -- wasn't happy with what I did to his scammer letter back then, and let me know it (as you'll see shortly).  My response, then and since, has been to keep sending copies of other edited email scam letters to his email box.

I mean, I thought he'd find kinship and comfort in that old addage about "misery loves company", right?

I guess not.

After months of relative silence from him, all of a sudden he’s tweaked about the edited emails I’ve been cc’ing him on. For the last three email rewrites I did that I included him in the cc, I got the following three in-order responses from him:


your just a jeck. look for meaninful job dat will pay u some doe
u no dey tire. i beg find sometin 2 do.
complete mugu go find work and stop sending scrap.

 
  Do you get the feeling that Lukas Mukemva is less than pleased with my scam email editing? Well you should: back when I edited HIS email, he sent me this critique of my editing of his scam:
 

If u climb ur tress u will find 1 there. y not go ahead. Baboon!!

Well...ol’ Lukas got a miniature avalanche of edited emails after that response, which seemed to shut him up for the time being. I guess he got tired of seeing his peers and colleagues pilloried in edits, so I reckoned he needed a little attention back to himself.

So I took a theme from a recent scam email I’d edited (and copied him on), and made him the center of the email attention, twice. First came this one, sent to every scammer address I had that still works (about 200):
 

Dear recipients: Lukas Mukemva is unhappy. Yes, he is unhappy. And he needs notes of encouragement from YOU.
 
See, a few months ago, Lukas decided that he wanted to change sex. He wanted to become a woman. But not just an ordinary woman...he wanted to be something extra peculiar.  So he paid to have his penis replaced with a piranha vagina.  It was a disaster...the piranha vagina ate everything genitilic that Lukas still had down there. Now he's not a she, he's an "it".
So write to Lukas Mukemva and offer 'it' condolences. Try to do it with a straight face. You can reach him on: lukasmukemva@yahoo.com
Lukas: a piranha vagina? Really? LMAO...



And after loading him up with several copies of that email – sent to as noted about 200 of his peers – I was provided with another opportunity, by way of a scam email that was forwarded to me by one of my blog readers, who’d gotten it in her email. The scam was allegedly from Janet Napolitano, head of Homeland Security, and it was for an ATM card that the recipient had to get by wiring money to....Nigeria ;-) Anyway, I edited it to make it appear Secretary Napolitano was on poor Lukas’ side in his plight:
 

From: Mrs. Janet Napolitano
Subject: IMMEDIATE HELP FOR LUKAS MUKEMVA
To: EVERYONE

IMMEDIATE HELP FOR LUKAS MUKEMVA!!!!!!!!


Attention,
Records show that Lukas Mukemva, being the abject dumbass and mugu that he's been lately, tried to have a piranha vagina implanted in his crotch, without first doing a little research. Now the piranha vagina ate EVERYTHING HE HAD DOWN THERE, and he's now an 'it'.

Well, contrary to some of you, I am not laughing at poor Lukas. Though I did snicker at first.

No, in my lofty position, it doesn't pay to make light of those who've suffered a terrible indignity, even when they did it so complete and stupidly to themselves. I mean, one day you might find that you need that person's stupid indignity to offset your own.

So I, as a lofty cabinet appointee here in the US, am taking up a collection for Lukas to get a new vagina, this time from something a little less volatile than a piranha vagina.  If you can afford to contribute to the RESCUE LUKAS MUKEMVA FROM EUNUCHDOM Fund, please email Lukas at with your pledge. He’ll, I’m sure, tell you how to send it to him, once he figures out how to keep the piranha vagina from eating his asshole next. He needs that to put his head up.
I’m sorry...I’m smirking again.
Anyway, help Lukas if you can do it without rolling on the ground and laughing your ass off at him.


One venue Lukas might use is via Western Union. Here is the contact and how to wire your donation: Receiver: Mr. Duru Kingsley Address: 12 shipping street City: Apapa State: Lagos Country: Nigeria Zip Code: 23401 Question: A piranha vagina Answer: Good God are you fucking kidding?

If you can stop laughing long enough to pledge to help Lukas, call this number soonest with your pledge and more details to help: +234-80-247-13-800 Please call this number in the middle of the night, Nigeria time, because our operators can't sleep anyway, when they think about Lukas and laugh themselves silly.
Thanks and hope to read from you soonest
.
Mrs. Janet Napolitano. Secretary of US Department of Genital Security Address: 245 Murray Ln Sw # 14, Washington
D.C.



After receiving multiple copies of these two email edits, and having his name, alleged plight and email address shared with 200 of his peers and colleagues, Lukas became a bit misty-eyed and emotional, in what passes for him I reckon, to be touched appreciation:


plese STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!



What could I do, in the face of such a plea?


Nawp. You wait, there’s more.


And there will be more.  Long as his email address continues to receive (he apparently isn't smart enough to know how to block me). 


Yep, ol' Lukas is in the midst of throwing a scamtrum.  He's far from the first to do so; he won't be the last ;-)

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4 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. I think this is one of your better rewrites and it sure has ran him right over the edge. I love it.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. :)

02 December, 2012 11:01  
Blogger Right Truth said...

You are a bad boy, you are having way too much fun with this guy. As you said, he could easily block you, but he keeps allowing himself to be tortured.

"your just a jeck"

You do know what "jeck" is don't you?
From the Urban Dictionary:

1. jeck 11 up, 8 down

a shortened version of the word jeckass , which is a mix between the words jerk and jackass. It can be used to describe someone doing jeck activities such as annoying people and thieving people. It can be used in place of the words jipped . This word is versatile in that it can be used as both a noun, a verb and an adjective. Most commonly jeck is used to signify the feeling one gets when one runs out of words to describe something or someone that has greatly distressed them. The stress can be released merely by screaming JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK!!!
Watta jeck
hey you jecked me
You're the definition of a jeck
Look over there it's Jester Jeck himself jecking somebody
Thats such a jeck thing to do
He's so jeck sometimes

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com


02 December, 2012 19:55  
Blogger Serena said...

LOL! You're too much, Skunk. I don't know how you keep coming up with these ... comeuppances.:-)

03 December, 2012 16:17  
Anonymous leeuna said...

The next time someone bugs me I'm going to call them a jeck and tell them to get a job and make some doe. This is too funny.

04 December, 2012 16:00  

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