When Persistence FAILS
Well, not always.
You readers remember my lengthy email duel with Gabriel Obi, a few posts back. After our last exchange, I reckoned that was it.
But after I copied him in one of my last scam email edits, Gabriel either forgot the 'hard feelings' he ended our communications with, or just decided that another try for that $250 was worth it.
As you read the following, perhaps you'll understand what the stick figure is doing. I think Gabe is, now.
As with my previous post involving multiple exchanges with him, I will simply post the emails in the order sent and received, starting with the email that got him all fired up to want to know why I’d do business with other scammers, and not him. It’s an edited email scam from a Guosa Obalin, who didn’t bother to respond to what I did with his email:
My names are Mr. Guosa Obalin, Ichabob Crain, Tiny Tim, Ukulele Ungabunga, Vagina Face, Asshat, Phucklips, and my personal favorite, Donald Douche Nozzle.
I am about to retire from my job as a toilet seat licker with the Nigerian Toilet Seat Flavoring Company, and I write to inform you that I need someone to take my place, and Mr. Gabriel Obi of Nigeria has recommended you to take my place.
Mr. Obi's intention could not have been more clear, because when I asked him who should I seek to replace me, he told me that you could kiss his ass.
And it is Gabriel Obi that sits on the toilet seat BEFORE you lick it.
I am awaiting your acceptance response to my email. Hurry please.I will be expecting your reply as soon as possible. This is genuine and I need all seriousness attached to this project.
Mr. Guosa Obalin
What? Send me your number now
I try to call your phone but I can not hear you . You can call me on this number now. + 2348122607899
You try call me this number: 303-3**-**** (my voice mail number).
Yes you now have my number call me now.
No, you call me.
No, you call me...303-3**-****...my long distance calls are expensive...yours probably aren't.
Understand that as this is going on, I am constantly changing my voice message: from Porky Pig doing "Blue Christmas", to a segment of George Carlin’s "Cute Little Farts", to some choice Three Stooges clips...and they appear to be confusing good ol’ Gabe:
Give me the working number now
I did...303-3**-****...don't they teach you Phone 101 in Nigeria?
I as you to pay $ 250. But you say no why and now people are as you to pay to them now. Why you pay them not me?
Oh-HOOOOO...so now we get down to it: Gabe thinks I’m letting others scam me, but not him, and he’s jealous. Ya gotta love it:
Just call me on the number I gave you, Gabe, and perhaps we can help you understand this. Email me just before you call, so I can close out my email to answer the phone (which of course won’t happen, and he’ll get to hear Eric Cartman from South Park’s expose on rainbows...).
Am calling you on this now +13035****** (he’s back to calling me on the fax number that gets him nowhere).
I told you, call me on 303-3**-****...and I also told you, if you'd pay attention, that when you failed to uphold our previous agreement, I went to Money Gram and cancelled the $250 I wired you. Do you f***ing pay attention to anything? (Remembering how much he hates the f-and s-bombs).
Why do you cancelled the 250? It not fare you do this. Can you go back and pay that money now before anything
He REALLY wants that money....well, time for more fun with Gabe:
I will resend you the $250, AFTER YOU CALL ME AT 303-3**-**** and give me one good reason to go ahead and send it. If I don't answer -- because I am busy online -- you leave me a message, explaining to me why I need to send you the money. You do that, and I will resend it.
You to give me some time. Am at the office okey
Like he hasn’t been throughout this whole exchange? That must be some ‘office’ LOL. Anyway, I let him re-re-re-believe that he has a shot here:
Okay, I'll tell you what...you are a few hours ahead of me. When you get done with work, you call 303-3**-****, you listen carefully to the phone message, and then you leave me a message to explain why I should send you $250. If you do that, I'll send it to you. You take care of this when you leave work, and you'll have what I send you next day. Guaranteed.
The day went by, and no message was left by ol’ Gabe. So to tweak him (as I suspected it would), I sent him this Wednesday night:
You didn't call or follow my instructions. I guess you really didn't want the $250 after all. C'est le guerre...
I’m getting to know ol’ Gabe pretty good, cuz it wasn’t 15 minutes and I had this:
Send me your telephone number
How many times do I have to send you my telephone number? 303-3**-****. For the last time...Listen to message, then leave message telling me why I should send you $250.
I am not understand message here.
(What he’s hearing on that number is four Three Stooges sound bytes I strung together).
I told you to listen to the message and THEN tell me why I should send you $250. That is ALL you have to do. Read this again: THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO. If you have an iota of understanding above that of a door knob, you will do as I instructed. NOW.
Why you call me a door knob?
Focus, Gabe, focus: do as I instructed, or you lose $250. Timer is running now...
It took an hour after, but FINALLY there is a voice message at the number I told Obi to call; but all it said was the following:
"Uh.....hallooo..." followed by 30 seconds of silence and a disconnect.
Time to make fun of him some(more):
"Uh...hallooo..." is your entire pathetic excuse for me to send you $250? THAT’S IT???? What in the flying fish f**k kind of reason is that???
YES I CALLED YOU AND DID EXPLAIN THE REASON WHY I CALLED YOU. I GUESS YOU DID NOT LISTEN TO YOUR MASSAGE VERY WELL.
YOU HAVE TO PAY THE FEE FOR THE DELIVERY OF YOUR CHECK TO YOUR DOOR STEP.
Hey, Butthead...I listened to your message, and all you said was "uh...halloo"...and NOT ONE WORD MORE. I GUESS YOU DIDN'T LEAVE YOUR MASSAGE VERY WELL. You can try again or not.
DO NOT CALL ME BUTTHED AGAIN.
Or what, Butthead? Waddaya gonna do, Butthead? Stop acting like a butthead and I’ll stop calling you a butthead. Keep acting like a butthead, and I’ll keep calling you a butthead. BUTTHEAD BUTTHEAD BUTTHEAD. Don’t like it, stop acting like it.
So he calls me again...but again, all I get is a "Hello?" with some background echo, and that’s it.
So I send him this email:
Do you have the slightest idea HOW a phone works, BUTTHEAD???? Yeah, you called the number I told you to, but all you said was "Hello?", and then hung up!!! WHAT THE F**K??? I starting to think you're not serious about getting this money at all at this rate...you CAN say more than "Hello", can't you, BUTTHEAD? 303-3**-****, and this time LEAVE ME THE ENTIRE F**KING MESSAGE ABOUT WHY I NEED TO SEND YOU $250, BUTTHEAD!!!
Apparently, Gabe doesn’t want to call and listen to the Three Stooges any more:
SINCE YOU CAN READ VERY WELL, THERE IS NO POINT DROOPING IT AGAIN, JUST READ THE EMAILS I SENT TO YOU AND THE REASON WHY YOU NEED TO PAY THE FEES.
Oh yes, I can read fine. Much better than you can use a telephone apparently. I already sent you the money once, and you screwed the pooch on picking it up. Why should I send it to you again. Don't tell me to re-read hundreds of emails...tell me NOW why I should send you $250. Right here, RIGHT NOW.
Danged if he doesn’t still believe that he can get me to send him $250...
THE FEE IS FOR SHIPMENT OF YOUR CHECK TO YOUR DOOR STEP.
Check of $28milliom dollars
WHAT $28 million?
WHAT inheritance fund? I don't have any Nigerian relatives.
inheritance compensation from united nations government
There is no such thing as a "United Nations Government". What the f**k is a "United Nations Government"? And how can I inherit money from them?
from all the bank transactions you have being doing.
I haven't been doing any bank transactions. WHAT bank transactions?
I am get tired of all this. It all explain in email. Read the email.
You’re tired of WHAT? I already told you I’m not going back through hundreds of emails. You must explain your deserving my $250. You MUST EXPLAIN! YOU..MUST..EXPLAIN!!
I finally...FINALLY..succeeded in wearing ol' Gabe down. And his last email I'll ever get (I think) shows it:
You are prik
Of course I am. Took you long enough to come to that. Now, where were we?
It's been three whole days, and not another peep from Gabe. I think I drained his persistence reservoir.
My bad ;-)