Monday, November 19, 2012

Build It...And They'll Say "WTF?"

This was an email rewrite that took place in early October.  As I was cleaning out the email queue for a new month, I thought you might find it amusing.

The original scammer -- Rev. Dr. Chris Quaye -- didn't.

On or about October 1, 2012, Rev. Dr. Quaye wrote to me to tell me he was the airport director of whatever at an airport in Ghana.  And there in customs, he'd found something of value that he wished to share with me.

You pretty much know the story.

Well, I was in kind of a funk that day.  My 'edit' of his email might suggest that I wasn't on my 'A game' that day:

From: Ghana Civil Aviation Authority <>
Sent: Monday, October 1, 2012 8:37 AM
Subject: Yes, We Have An Airport

Good day,

I am Rev. Dr. Rick Quaye, and I is the Director of Airport Stuff, of Kotoka Airport, Accra-Ghana.

We just got this airport thing, and truth be told, we don't really know what to do with it. The only 'plane' that ever landed here was an off-course seagull from Senegal. We know that because we asked it.

Yes, our seagulls talk. Don't yours?

Anyway, I am the director here. It's a nice title, I think. It gives me free run of the facilities here, most of which I have no idea what they're intended for. But that's not why I'm writing.

This is to inform you that we have discovered that we need some kind of a device called 'radar' to be able to use this facility safely. Currently, we ain't got none dem radar stuffs. Because of this, two buzzards collided in mid-air, circling over a gazelle that was hit by a run-away luggage tow cart. What it was running away from might have been the lion that was chasing the gazelle. We don't know. The tow cart doesn't say, the lion won't say, and the gazelle is beyond saying. So are the two buzzards.

Anyway, we asked the UN missionary here about it, and he said -- before the staff cooked and ate him -- that we needed to establish "air traffic control", to better serve local and international traffic.

Once we establish what he meant by "local and international traffic", we can figure out how to go about doing what it was he meant before he became a hors d'oeuvre.

I did some research via the 'jungle internet' -- y'know, drumming on hollowed-out trees -- and two weeks later came back that you might just have the knowledge we need to solve some of these problems. So would you please send to us:



With the above informations, you can help us to figure out what the f**k we can do with this "airport" thing, instead of just letting baboons run across it, playing 'chicken' with the luggage tow carts and stealing the bags to do unspeakable things in the jungle with.

Baboons are pretty perverted.

Soonest, please, read and get this back to me without any delay, since the 'jungle internet' is so slow; with my position as the Director of Airport Stuff, I am expected to tell the government something about my job. I don't want to have to go back to artificially inseminating sexually frustrated giraffe.

For further correspondence i will advice you contact me via my private email
( )Sincerely,
Rev. Dr. Chris Quaye, Esq., DDC, MD, pHd, WTF
Director of Airport Stuff
Ghana Civil Aviation
Accra, Kotoka Airport, Ghana First Of It's Kind In Ghana: And Next Year, We Get A Real Flushing Toilet!

Rev. Dr. Quaye didn't take kindly to my rewrite, though his brief protest didn't really address his scam per se:

no need for u insults  we are good peoples here.

Remembering that I was in a bit of a funk at the time, my response probably won't surprise you:

You just ain't one of them, F**k Face.

Thanks to my funk, I didn't get to have an extended conversation about the peoples of Ghana.  Oh well...

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Blogger Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahaha. I think your rewrite was excellent. You did get a response too. So there.

Have a terrific day. My best to Seymour. :)

19 November, 2012 08:49  
Blogger Right Truth said...

The jungle internet, good one.

Also Ghana, the gateway for terrorists to this hemisphere, where they can get all the illegal documents they want, guides to the Mexican border and across into the US.

Ah Ghana.

Right Truth

19 November, 2012 15:50  

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