Revisionism Scam-Style

No.  This is not a geography or history lesson, though it might appear that it could be.

But it IS a lesson.  I'm taking a scammer to school.  The School of Scam Email Revisionism.

The duet of Harris Teeter and Edward H. Lynn (probably one person actually named Ackhbar Cameltoad), were trying to get me to wire transfer $170 USD to their 'agent' in Benin, which would get me sent a 'package' containing millions in USD.

*Yawn*

They didn't read -- whatsoever -- what I dun to their first email.  They didn't read what I dun to their second email.  The character of Edward H. Lynn did complain to me about what I did the third time ("if you joke more with us, we will not send you package if you not serious").  My fourth rewrite -- of Lynn's response -- didn't get anything from Lynn, but got another "la la la la" response from Teeter.

Deluded scammers, cave in.

So I decided to take Harris Teeter to a lesson combining history, geography, mysticism and the inner workings of the thrice-concussed mind, all in one email rewrite:

I am in serious need of help here. Really.


My name is Harris Teeter Twot, and a year ago I was accosted on the street in Lagos, Nigeria, by a medicine woman of dubious antecedence and with what she promised me were magical breasts that when rubbed counterclockwise, would grant me three wishes.

You're damn tootin' I went for it!!!

But instead of being granted three wishes, she sat me in a barkolounger with a brillo pad prostate massager, and dangled before me a golden platypus anus from the Nebuccanzeer Empire in the ancient kingdom of Byzantium from the year 2,000 BC, or so she claimed in a foreign tongue that looked to be forked.
And there, captured in its ancient, mystical grip, I was given a strange concoction that the medicine woman told me was the dreaded Byzantine Embalming Mind F**k.


I do not know all of the ingredients of this very ancient brew, but along with hallucinagens and opiates, it contained 65% camel urine.


And now, I am its slave.


Whenever the psychokinetic powers of the golden platypus anus summon me into the midst of another Byzantine Embalming Mind F**k, I am powerless to resist.


So, what I need from you is the following: (1) 5 virgin goat hang nails (2) one piranha vagina in pristine condition (no teeth marks) (3) an African Mugu mask of the Ungabunga Tribe and (4) for you to send all of this to me via Fed Ex, as soonest as possible.


You can email me for my exact address at   
fedexcourierdeliverfund_c@yahoo.com
>

Please hurry...the power of the golden platypus anus is overtaking me, and if it goes unchecked much longer, the Byzantine Embalming Mind F**k will render me almost as stupid as Diane Sawyer on Erection Night.


HURRY!!!
Harris Teeter Twot aka Edward H. Lynn, goat sodomist


After all was said and done, I was sure what to expect in the way of a reply if I got one, and they didn't disappoint me:


this nonsence you send  you go mine f**k.


I see that I am too late...the golden platypus anus has you completely in its power...tell the others I emailed to never mind sending you the stuff.  You're totally Byzantine Embalming mind f**ked now.  Sorry.

Yes, I did say that I was sorry.  No, I really wasn't  ;-)