Slapstick Humor to a Rock

Research studies take on some pretty strange subjects to obtain funding.

For instance, in a recent online post, a psychology study of how group 'bonding' takes place when humor is introduced to the group, discovered -- reportedly -- that apes like slapstick humor and love to prank each other.

This isn't likely to answer the high costs of energy, entitlements, or create jobs, but it could prove useful when Joe Bidumb campaigns at a zoo for voters that don't need to show ID.

Having a bit of fun with that article, I interviewed my pet rock, Seymour, and expanded the thesis thus postulated into the following, which will eventually come to explain the photo at the right:

Rocks – Pet and Otherwise – Are Ambivalent To Slapstick Humor
By Ben Dover – Geologics Explained Of Quartz
　
A new study recently published in the journal Evolution & Geologic Behavior In Barlighting shows that laughter plays an inconsequential role in geologic social bonding. Researchers – using picks, shovels, bulldozers – formed "laughter groups" of rocks to demonstrate that laughter cannot emanate from a gathering of rocks, no matter how many pet rocks are interspersed, cue cards are used, or pictures of Joe Bidumb wearing a tutu are displayed.

In the course of the research, however, it was discovered that platypus enjoy Roadrunner-Wiley Coyote slapstick humor, which was included in this study for reasons I cannot determine.

‘Red’ Robin Dunigan, associate professor emeritless of devolutionary geologic psychology at the University of Oxnerd and one of the bulldozer drivers, advised Dysfunctional News Online that language-based jokes tend to be wasted on rocks. Slapstick humor, however, does trigger a response akin to Joe Bidumb telling a joke about what you get when you cross a Jehovah Witness with an atheist: someone who knocks on your door for no reason – causing rock versions of how your dog looks at you when you’ve said something particularly confusing or stupid.
In addition, Dunigan said that no evidence was found that rocks play practical jokes on each other – like placing an explosives-removed stick of dynamite underneath another rock and lighting the fuse – or that rocks have some kind of geologic sladenfreude laughter that is directed at other rocks’ misfortune.

These observations helped get stimulus funding for this ridiculous study after one researcher suggested that rocks, if they could vote, "they, like you know, dude, would vote Democrat, because...well, like you know, because rocks are part of Mother Earth, dude".

Democrat Representative Nancy Pelosi endorsed the funding, telling reporters "We need to waste this money on the study to find out what’s in it".

The actual study originally dealt with whether or not rocks could be trained to react, in a Pavlovian manner, to artificial stimuli ("ring a bell, the rocks interact, ballroom dance, go mosh pit and stampede, stand in an unemployment line, stuff like that.."). Not helping to bring credibility to the study was the fact that several researchers hung around in bars located near quarries and canyons in the western US, Afghanistan, Tibet, Chile and the Russian Urals, working on a barlighting theory of geologic carbondating, or so they explained it on their expense reports.

It showed that research grant money could easily be squandered in a barlighting environment.

There had been a short YouBoob video made of an audience of an assortment of rocks, being exposed to slapstick humor. Except for one moment – when Joe Bidumb tries to explain geologically how he and his running mate are relevant to achieving rights and welfare entitlements for rocks, and an overflying bird craps on his head – the rocks were rather ambivalent to the slapstick.

The White House press secretary said the laughter on that occasion came from the humans doing the filming – allegedly from Fox News – and not the rocks. One of several versions of ‘taken out of context’ correction statements are expected within the week.

Which brings me back to the photo up top:  apparently rocks DO have some sense of humor, as witnesses to this rock-on-car incident in Clear Creek Canyon  a few years ago can attest.  Witnesses stated that for a few seconds after the rock landed on the car, a smattering of applause and snickers were heard, and no other human witnesses were nearby, or doing either, at the time.

As for Seymour, he isn't saying.  He's just sitting there grinning...