When God Gets Dragged Into Scams

I'm sure the atheists and ACLU will have issues with this.

I already know the scammer did.

But hey...I only took what the scammer gave me, and twisted the snarf out of it.

Allow me to introduce you to Madam/Mrs Julie Dave, alleged wife of the late Dave, who had a really crappy day on the date of his demise:

Request from Dave's Wife, Julie writing from hospital,

This is Dave's wife, Julie. I am writing this message to you today because my husband Dave passed away on December 17 2009. My late husband was diagnosed with cancer and heart attack just before he was admitted to the hospital. He did begin treatment, but suffered a blood clot and heart attack after his first treatment. After all he died on the same sickness. As a fellow faithful person like you it is my desire and enthusiasm to donate a token/huge amount of money he told about for the less privilege as he instructed me when he was at the point of death. Being a devoted Christian family I have no other option than to use this amount is $22 million to help those that is in need. so I would like you to think over this huge privilege that i am entrusting to your hand for the survival of the casualties and homeless, just send me your full names, home address, telephone number, occupation and more information about you like photograph in your next message for the humanitarian service in your country and for the less privilege one's. Finally, I know you join me and the rest of Dave's family in our sorrow and ask God to accept him in his kingdom. Kindly reply immediately together with your complete address which will be used for the transferring of the money to your country. Reply to this address for immediate detail of this transaction; http://ie.mc1321.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=madam.julie@kimo.commadam.julie@kimo.com Best Regards Mrs. Julie Dave

Kinda tugs at the ol’ heart strangs, don’ it?

So much so, I just hadda put a twist to how it tugged on mine in the ‘edit’:
　
Request from Dave's penis, writing from hospital:

This is Dave's penis. I am writing this message to you today because Dave passed away on October 1, 2012. Dave was diagnosed with bovinal genital warts as a result of a life-long obsession with sticking me into the asses of various kinds of farm animals. He did begin treatment for obsessive-compulsive mail order rubber vaginas, but suffered a sneezing fit that blew me right off, causing him to run around the hospital ward, trying to catch me to be reattached. That's when he ran out into traffic, and was waylaid by a parked bus.

After all that, he died from psoriasis of the sinus passages.

It is most sad story, yes? Please say yes, I making this sh** up as I go. And it is not easy to go and type at the same time.

As a fellow I just happened to find an email for, it is my desire and enthusiasm for you to think my story is true, and that the next part is as well: being a devoted family penis, I have no other option than to offer the family inheritance of $22 in West African francs to buy someone who'll have me re-attached to any f**king thing. A penis on its own is not a pretty picture, let me tell you.

Finally, I know you join me in wishing that Dave burn in Hell for how he used me all those years. F**king degenerate.

Email me here and let's figure this thing out together. Kindly reply immediately:

madam.julie@kimo.com; she is the nurse that's helping me type this sh**.
What, you thought a penis could type? Get f**king real.
The late Dave's former penis　

Sent to 50 of the madam’s peers and colleagues, it didn’t seem to draw any kind of response, except from this rather unappreciative one from the madam herself:

"u a bad person. god no like u"

True enough, I ‘spose, so far as what she/he/it is using for deity in this case. But long as my ticket to Hell is punched (according to her/whomever), I’m all for going for a seating downgrade:

I hate to disappoint you, Missy, but God thinks I’m funny when I do this. HE doesn’t think you are. Better still, all of your peers I sent this to think you wrote this, and they are cursing you too. Would you like to read their responses to you?

Granted, there weren’t any other responses.  But as expected, she didn’t want to take me up on reading them if there had been any...