Scam Email Editing -- Stream Of Unconsciousness Style

Fancy that:  I got an email from Michael Moore.

No, not the fat socialist weasel; one who claimed to represent Yahoo! Thailand, and yet another online lotto scam.

Of course I didn't fall for it, and why would I:  it was only a 'win' of $1,000,000 USD.  With the amounts that I've been offered by scammers in the past 13 years, a simple million isn't even worth my reply.

But I did, anyway.

I went into my 'scam email edit' mode, and allowed my edit to take the form of a "stream of consciousness" style of rewrite.  It had one amusing result.

First, the rewrite:

> YAHOO THAILAND LOBOTOMY ORGANISATION
> ASIA PACIFIC ZONE
> Bangkok Branch Office
> Address: Bangkhunprom Road, Bangkok
> Bangkok 10900 Thailand>
>
> Attn: Email owner,>
>
> Yahoo! Mail announces that today, I -- the sender to you of this email, and all the contents pertaining therein to -- had a lobotomy six weeks ago.  And as you can see, I now snort the banana!!

 

Each and every solar day, I open my anus to a new day, and I say to myself nothing, because I don't understand Azerbijani, but it's what I speak to myself, and this makes me want to have sex with hamsters.

 

The hamsters can come from anywhere:  Canada, Australia, United States, Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa and Oceania.  Or they can just breathe hard.

 

Do you know how liberating it is to have a lobotomy using genuine GM parts from bionic ostrich penises?

 

Though, I haven't yet figured out the penis replacing a beek as a pecker.  Perhaps a rooster can explain this?

 

 This email was sent to you because, quite frankly, what with my new bottleinfrontofmy, I have a bit of a focus dysfunction and it gives me gas.  Can anyone explain why my gas is taxed?  I fart and the government assesse me for groin house gases.  This is all new to me.

 

So are sweaters for octopus.

 

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink; the bartender says, we don't serve mushrooms.  The mushroom responds, but I'm a real fungi.

 

I don't get it.  I wrote to the Bank/Security Company Bangkok Thailand and inquired of them why this is so, and all I got from them was an ad offering me free checking if I am of Thai origin.

 

I think my birth certificate says Uranus.  But that can't be right; it doesn't say anything, I have to read it.

 

HOW TO CLAIM A FREE CLAM VOICE LESSON
These are your points to ponder:
> Mollusk or marsupial?
> Serial killer of toilet deodorizers?
> Lucky buffalo humps the virgin cow
> NFL replacement refs suck

 

Has there been a thread of coherency here, or am I just whistling at dark Dixie? 

 

Please contact the fat f**k marxist weasel who was supposed to have blowd hisself up in Team America World Police:> Email: mikemoore2647@yahoo.co.jp
> Name: Mr. Mike Moore

Save 4,000 box tops from Depends, and send them along with a self-addressed stamped Winnebago to someone who can't afford the taxes on it.  When you do, give them the sh** listed below:

 

 > 1. FULL NAME ...........................
> 2. COUNTRY OF ORGAN ...........................
> 3. DO YOU WEAR A DRESS ...........................
> 4. DATE OF HATCHING ...........................
> 5. OCCUTARD OR JUST WELFARE COUCH 'TATER ...........................
> 6. TELEPHONE NUMBER ...........................
> 7. LAST TIME YOU HAD SEX WITH AN INFLATABLE MARMOT ...........................
> 8. FAX NUMBER ...........................
> 9. MARITAL STATUS ...........................
> 10. IN 100 WORDS OR LESS, DESCRIBE MISSIONARY SEX WITH AN ELEPHANT ...........................
> 11,A scan copy of how your winkee/vaginal parts looked afterward ...........................

Remember that dealer prep and options on all lobotomies come with free floor mats and cup holders.

 

Note also that 10% of nothing will garner no glandular reversals to give you what you had before you became what you no longer are.  Read that back to me three times in kanji and don't forget to include egg roll.  This offer is void where it ran afoul of a bowel movement.  See what I just did there?  Neither do I.

 

Yahoo has no idea about any of this, and would probably develop vaginal cramps if they broke wind of it.

 

An original copy of your pre-circumcized winkee is available for bronzing.  Please contact our Administrative Remittance Operation Manager, who will plead for another Fifth of any kind of spirits.  He hates sobriety in Thailand.

 

Once again from all members of our staff, we have no idea what we said, in what language we said it, or why it was said without an oral  douche nozzle rinse aforespeak.

 

We wish you continued good wet dreams.

InSincerely,

> Mrs. Mai Phat Thong
> Vice President
> Yahoo Penile and Vaginal Lobotomy Industries
> AND

> Mr.mike  Moore
> Abjectly useless socialist weasel and fat f**k

 

Copiedwrong © 1995-2012 The Yahoo Genital Forest Preservation Society, Thailland. All rights postmarked by a manatee. Terms of Service - Really?
>
> This e-mail transmission is intended only anyone with any form of computer, and may contain information that is as fraudulent as an edible bowel movement.

> If you are not the intended recipient, horse puckey, you were and always have been intended to receive this sh**.  Really.  We sent it to you, didn't we?

> Reading without answer this communication is stricly prohibited. At least tell us to f**k off.  Your colorful metaphors are highly appreciated.   Send your bitches here to 

mikemoore2647@yahoo.co.jp

 

Whoever the scammer is, he or she did not understand what was going on here:

 

what does all this means?

That made for an easy response:

Beats the tarpaper out of me;  you sent it.  Are you REALLY from Uranus?

The question will apparently never be answered...