Oh Nuh-UH!



"Hi, I is the interdimensional creature what steals your missing socks for mating!"

 2012 is just full of potential disaster and doom.  No scheduled 'Rapture' this year.  The 'end' of the Mayan Calendar.  A near-miss by an asteroid.  No more 20 oz sodas in NYC.  The worst potus in history possibly getting re-elected.

Like I told you...scary stuff.

Well, here's one more that I just heard about:  NASA predicting a 'universal alignment' that triggers a three day 'dimensional change', converting our world into something quite unlike we have or know now.

An alignment scheduled to take place between December 23-25, 2012.

Which wouldn't matter, if the Mayans had their calendar act together.

Anyway, some online posts on Failbook and other places are circulating an alleged story that NASA says this 'universal alignment' will cause a dimensional shift, one that will forever change the Earth as we know it.

If you live in Detroit, you'd probably welcome that.

Of course, killjoys like the Urban Legends website tend to shoot the story to pieces with denials from NASA.  Still...in my life experience, where there's smoke, somewhere within it is my kitchen.

I went out and found one of the stories that the naysayers are debunking and discrediting.  See what YOU think:

HEADLINE: FUNKILY-CREASED PILLOW LEAVES NASA WORRIED ABOUT DIMENSIONAL CHANGES WITH PLANETARY LINE UP
Jack N. Ewehoff – AP* News
　
Scientists from a plethora of national and world localities – including a couple or so purporting to be from NASA -- predicts a total balls-up on 23-25 Dec 2012 during alignment of ‘the’ Universe.

Yes, that place we all live. Or think we live, if you’re into creative alternative reality without drugs, alcohol, Red Bull or sniffing Spam.

Purported NASA scientists predict some kind of a universe change after total blackout of the planet for 3 days from Dec 23, 2012. And – what lends credibility to this story, insist inside sources – this is all based on the crease lines in the face of one researcher who fell asleep on her NASA-designed cybernetic mammory foam sleep number space pad – designed for deep space astronaut sex – on which she dreamed of meeting Mr. Spock as they passed thru the Guardian, a time portal some light years from Earth, experiencing a total logic cosmic orgasm.

It is not the end of the world; it is however an end to anyone being impressed with Meg Ryan faking an orgasm in a movie.

"We could wake up to a new world dimensionally different than the one we went to sleep to", says one NASA insider. "A world where parking meter maids will all sprout wings, buffalo butts, faces like Nancy Pelosi, and fly over large metro areas, defecating on pedestrians and bill boards".

"That is not a dimensional reality we hope shows up", one NASA anonymous source said with a wince.

By several accounts – for scientists cannot agree on the interpretations of the data being received in kanjied Martian script from Pioneer 11 – there will be an alignment of the Universe, where the Sun and the Earth will align for the first time against Uranus, settling once and for all how Uranans feel about their planetary representation.

Meantime, the Earth will shift from the current third dimension to a zero-sum dimension, then – like a woman who can’t make up her mind where the piano needs to go in the corner of the bathroom -- shift to the forth dimension on an interstellar parallel parking universal quadralangal of dubious quantumcedence. During this transition, tortoise will have world class speed, cows will be able to operate DVD remotes, belch, fart, and enjoy grilled flank steak from humans, and Hedweg will finally tell Harry Potter what he really thinks of stuffing and mounting Hermoine.

One thing all scientists agree on: Congress will try to find a way to screw it all up.

The 3 days blackout is predicted to happen on Dec 23, 24, 25....during this time, Santa Claus will think he’s on the biggest acid trip he’s never before experienced, trying to deliver toys to interdimensional unimaginary 30 foot tall triciploplotz, and being attacked by mutant rhihamsteros from Toy Story IV. Staying calm is most important, along with hugging each other and arming yourself to the teeth against zombie roaches, sandpackers and space flying feline hairballs that fart Spagettios.

Those who survive...will face brand new taxes, cable rates and no Starbucks.

But at least the NFL replacement refs will be gone.

Yes, there is a lot of talk about what will happen in 2012, and some of it is actually serious. but many people don't believe it, and don't want to talk about it for fear of creating a show starring Ben Affleck.

We don't know what will happen, but it is worth listening to a purported NASA scientist speculate that preparation is the best answer, and he recommends that preparation H is best kept away from edible stuff when the lights go out. Whether it's true or not, better be prepared. 

If possible, please avoid traveling on marsupials during the third week of December 2012 as all marsupials could morph dimensionally into 6 foot tall velociraptors, causing this peculiar mode of transportation to fail in a most disagreeable way.

* A Pile News, not to be confused with the Associated Press, a pile of their own these days...

I'm kind of inclined to take a 'wait and see' attitude about all this, myself.  I want to be absolutely sure before I lend any credence to any report that the NFL replacement refs are truly gone, and won't turn up as IRS agents in 2013, whatever the dimension.