Tales From Beyond The Email Crypt

LOL...1969 has suddenly become a popular year for the email scammers to send emails from.

Neat trick, since no public-access email existed at that time.

But facts have never stopped email scammers.  Nor, in responding to them, me.

This is the first part of the email sent to me by a scammer claiming to be Mrs. Anne Ruth, a dying cancer patient, who wants to give away her fortune, via me.  From 1969, though she apparently doesn't realize that part of it:

From: Anne Ruth <annyrrrr@gmail.com>
To: moosefeathers
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 1969 5:00 PM
Subject: Re:Charity Donation

Dear Friend,

My name is Mrs.Anne Ruth,I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to charity through you.You may be wondering why I chose you. But someone has to be chosen.

I am 59 years old and was diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago,after the death of my husband who had left me everything he worked for my husband dealt in Diamond & Gold Business.I have been touched by the Lord to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to charity through you for the good work of humanity,rather than allow my relatives to use my husband's hard earned funds inappropriately.

I have asked the Lord to forgive me all my sins and I believe he has,because He is merciful. I will be going in for an operation,and I pray that I survive the operation. I have decided to WILL/Donate the sum of $7.5 million (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) & 133 Kilos of Gold.

1969 must a been a banner year for the tribe, I guess.  Anyway, I found another way to have a little afterlife fun with the email edit..an angle I’m sure the scammer hadn’t reckoned on:　

Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 1969 5:00 PM
Subject: Charity Donation

Esteemed and sauteed Sir/Ma'am,

My name is Mrs.Anne Ruth. I died in 1969. Can't you smell me? Probably not, that's right: I'm still buried.

I discovered that, after being dead all these years, I had access to email. I didn't even know what the f**k email was. But now that I do, I simply had to write to someone. You may be wondering why I chose you. But someone has to be chosen.

I have been dead for approaching 43 years. 43 f**king years. My vagina is so dry, a sneeze would blow it apart. The very thought of that really depresses me.

Before I died, I was a slut to every passing-thru yokel that had a penis. Hell, I'd let a camel sodomize me, if I could make a buck out of it. I have asked the Lord to forgive me all my sins and I believe that as long as He prevents me from sneezing, He has, because He is merciful.

If you are willing to assist me in helping to keep me from sneezing, and blowing my dusty dry vagina apart, please provide me your Full Name,Address,Telephone and Fax number. Oh wait...forget the telephone and fax number...I have email, not a f**king telecommunications system stuffed in here. I'm not even sure how I got this email sh**.

Anyway, just send me your name, address and email address. And I'll send you the name of someone you can contact, so you can send them vaginal lubricant, and they can dig me up and apply it in liberal quantities, so that if I ever do sneeze, I won't blow my snatch apart.

I might be dead, but I like the idea of always being ready for a future caller.

Lest I forget, these informations I gived you are confidential. I don't want someone to dig me up and disconnect my email. The dust of that might cause me to sneeze. And you know that I don't want that.

May Good God guide you and keep me from sneezing.  Hope to read from you soonest. 

Sincer..ah...ahhh..aaahhhhhhh...CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Gawddammit!!!!!
Anne Ruth .. with a now granulated vagina...f**k...let's amend my whole email to now I need the charity of a replacement vagina. Soonest, please.

The email must have messed with the head of at least one scammer I copied and sent it to, because I got a reply from a previous scammer who've I've fenced with in the past, Esther Warlord Couliby (estherwarlord@ymail.com).  But all she did was send back a copy of my email, with only a "!!??" as a reply.  I responded with a repeat of the message, concluded with "Really!!!".

I guess the mental image of a sneeze-destroyed vagina was too much...