Time Warp Scam

I still haven't seen everything from email scammers.  But a recent email had me double-taking.

It was another alleged-to-be US military personage, located in Iraq, who had money he'd found there and "needed my help" to get back here.

Uh huh.

But in a quick perusal of the original email, the date stamp on it is what jumped out at me.

Take a look and see what you see:

From: MARK WELLINGTON. <mwellington38@yahoo.com>
To: moosefeathers
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 1969 5:00 PM
Subject: READ AND REPLY NOW.

Sir,
I am Mark Wellington.One of the Retained Military Intelligent Attached to the President of Iraq,Jalal Talabani. I am wriing to seek your Urgent Assistant. I have some Couple of Million of US Dollars which I wanted out of here immediately to United States for Investment Purpose. I am not Prepared to leave Iraq now because I wouldnt deceive you, I am making good Money here.

I will need your Assistance to Keep or Invest this Money Pending my Arrival in United States. I do hope you can keep this Transaction very Confidential.Awaiting your urgent Reply.

Regard,
Mark Wellington.

Did the date stamp cause you a *WTF* as well?  It certainly did me:  December 31, 1969.

*Whiskey Tango Foxtrot???*

Email didn't exist then.  Computers were still the size of refrigerators.  Telephones were hard-wired and rotary dial.  And we were still 21 years away from our first military tussle with Iraq.

This letter most certainly called for an edited reply.  And my edited reply simply HAD to make use of the date gaffe. And – along with a lot of WTF-style verbiage – did:

From: MARK WELLINGTON.
To:
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 1969 5:00 PM
Subject: READ AND REPLY NOW.
Sir,
I am Mark Wellington. And I am motherf**king TRAPPED in the TWILIGHT ZONE!!!

Just look at the date of my email: December 31, 1969. F**KING EMAIL DIDN'T EXIST IN 1969!!!

F**k, I am so confused...I don't even remember what this scam was supposed to be about any more. None of what I originally had written for me works, because it's all in the future, and how the f**k can I scam you on the future when I'm writing in a mode of communication that didn't EXIST in 1969??? You KNOW the future because YOU’RE THERE, and I’m stuck in 19-f**king -69, with a mode of communication I don’t yet have!!!

I'm going to have a bowel vaporlock just thinking about it!!!

I was SUPPOSED to claim to be one of the Retained Military Intelligent Attached to the President of Iraq, Jalal Talabani. Which doesn't make a lick of sense, because I'm writing from 19-f**king-69, and there WAS NO PRESIDENT Jalal Talabani then!!

Sh**...I don’t have cell phones, microwave ovens, DVDs, kindles, blackberries, ipads, PCs...what f**king MORON drafted this stupid f**king scam letter???

I’ll get back to you, after I figure out how the f**k I’m supposed to work a sh** deal like this.

Note to my handlers: you f**king morons!!! How am I supposed to pull off a f**king email scam, from an era that didn't f**king have EMAIL??? F**k you people...I'm going to work for the Nigerians in 31 years. Unless you ARE the Nigerians...then I’ll f**king work for the Romanians!!!

I didn't get a reply from Mr. Mark Wellington, to my edit of his scam.  Perhaps his time portal *WTF*ed along with his *self head bonk* "oh damn" realization.