Mooned After 100 Years

Vindication after 100 years? For whom?

Just short of the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic -- popularized by Hollyweird and on Broadway within the past 20 years -- yet another theory about how the "unsinkable" ship...got sunk.

Back in 1912, it was blamed on an iceberg and a complacent captain.

In the late 1960s, blame was momentarily shifted directly onto the captain, after he was pointedly warned by two time travelers that appeared unexpectedly on his ship, and he chose to lock them up rather than believe their pending story of woe. Unfortunately for him, it was the first episode of the show, and he obviously missed the previews. The ship refused to woa, went onto hit the iceberg, the captain went down with the ship and 1,516 other souls, and the two time travelers went onto bounce through variations of history and credibility for two complete seasons.

In the late 1970s, Weekly World News came out with an exclusive that 'proved' the RMS Titanic was actually sunk by an alien U-boat.

When that didn't net the Weekly World News a Pulitzer, speculation drifted back to a rogue 'berg and an experienced captain who failed to take precautions, believing that his ship was, as oft-reported, "unsinkable".

Then came a Broadway version, whereon everyone sang and danced, before much of the cast choreographically drowned along with the AFLAC duck. Still, it was the captain's fault, but there might have been a Tony or two extra for survivors to cling to. That is, if a Tony is buoyant.

I know the duck didn't get to shower afterwards with his female choreographettes.

And of course, in '97, there was Leonardo DeCaprio, running things up the mast with Kate Winslett, before she got to help row the lifeboat ashore, while he went down with the captain and 1,515 others.

A few of them managed to survive by hanging on to their Oscars.

But now, within a life preserver of the 100th anniversary of the sinking, comes a new culprit in the RMS Titanic disaster. No, it's not the captain. No, it's not unconvincing time travelers. No, it's not the alien U-boat. And in this scenario, even the iceberg is viewed less as the villain, and more as a victim.

Bob Seeger once opined, "ohhhhhhh, blame it on midnight...oooooo, shame on the Moon".

Researchers now agree with him: in a Reuters story datelined San Antonio (TX), there comes this news item from Yahoo News on March 7, 2012:
"A century after the Titanic disaster, scientists have found an unexpected culprit of the crash: the moon". As a Texas State University physicist and his team would deduce, "the lunar connection may explain how an unusually large number of icebergs got into the path of the Titanic". They claimed that the kind of iceberg that used an underwater can opener on the White Star Line "unsinkable", tended to get "stuck" in the waters off Newfoundland and Labrador, and were unable to make their way into shipping lanes further south until they melted enough to clear the shallows.

Since the 'bergs were typically unable to make it south so soon, how did Ice the Ripper manage to get where Captain Smith and his merry band of Unsinkables were sailing carefree through waters that they figured had little more than ice cubes about?

Research that the Texas State University team used apparently included a theory by a late oceanographer, identified as Fergus Wood, suggesting an unusually close approach by the moon in January 1912 may have caused higher than average tides, allowing more ill-prepared icebergs (aka, not shrunk enough, and still armed with underwater can openers) loose to drift south into shipping lanes sooner.

In other words, the iceberg -- long maligned in the Titanic saga -- really didn't mean it. The Moon made it do it. And for 100 years, the Moon has gotten a pass from science, the media...and the legal community.

As you ponder the Moon on it's next full cycle, take a good look at the Man in the Moon: is he smiling or remorseful? Is it too late for an apology now? With PETAns suing to represent whales as people, and environmentalists arguing that sand has rights, how long before Gloria Allred leads the legal team intent on suing the unrepentant Man in the Moon, and demanding "pain and suffering" punitive and compensatory damages for the descendants of the iceberg? Especially if any of the iceberg's descendants are females?

I'll bet the Weekly World News will be all over it.