Masters of the Lost Baiters

This was a bit of a new one for me. But only a little bit.

A character of dubious antecedence but with Hollyweird knowledge, and claiming to be Adams Mensah, the "stock keeper of the aiport warehouse at Kotoka International Aiport" -- wherever the hell THAT is -- wanted to let me know that in 2011, he was appointed to start finding owners for all the lost items in this alleged warehouse, and that for simple custom fees paid in advance, I could receive my property.

And the yutz attached THIS PICTURE to the email, to impress me with just how much stuff his warehouse has.

Having remembered this picture from the closing scene of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, and which was briefly revisited in Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull, I had to laugh briefly, before deciding how to rewrite his offer to give me the business, and share it with a couple dozen of his peers.

Lowering my IQ to that of a DC insider to come up with something suitable, was too easy for me, as you will see:

From: Adams Mensah info@info.net

To: Undisclosed Recipients

Sent: Monday, February 20, 2012 10:31 AM

Subject: NEEDING A WORKING BRAIN HERE

Dear Sir/MadamFirst, I will like to introduce myself. I am Adams Mensah, a skool drop out and all around lazy f**k who has done nothing useful in life up to now, and dont plan on it hereafter, either. But that's for later.

I am the key master to the gate keeper of the Kotoka International Aiport warehouse, located in beautifully desolate and highly Third Worlded Africa. At about 17.45hours on Friday dated 24th September 2011, the chief security officer (CSO) of Aiport Decongestion Committee found out what he was called, and promptly vaporlocked, trying to read those big f**king words. After many months pass by, and someone finally get around to burying rather than trying to eat him, the job it get passed to me, and I have no f**king idea what to do with it. I never worked a day in my life. Masturbated plenty with neighborhood simians, but I dont consider that work.

Anyway, there is some bogus claims about what is in this warehouse that I'm supposed to find owners for. When I did a walk through of the place, all I found were dusty boxes with maggots, spiders and things that smelled bad. But the f**king CSO have assign me to locate all the foreign owners of all abandon properties, so I am writing you this proposal so I can get rid of this sh** and go back to masturbating with my simian friends.

I want you to know that I have made every necessary arrangement on how the boxes will get to you, even though I have no idea what I just wrote. All I know how to do is arrange masturbation with simians. What I need is your permission to forge ahead, whatever that means, and get rid of this sh** by sending it to you. You must, of course, pay for it to be send to you. That is where the scam part of this is. Haha.

Oh f**k, was I supposed to writed that? Dammit, I hate when I f**k up a punch line. I cant tell jokes, either.

There is no IF here; you must are be willing to do this business. Don't f**king think very well within yourself because you have small Customs Duty to clear in your country according to what the security company stated; just f**king say yes to the rather stupid questions I'm going to ask you below.

Now my stupid questions are:

1. Can you handle this project with someone who masturbates with simians?

2. Can I trust you not to try to steal one of my masturbating simians?

3. Can you keep my simian masturbation very confidential?

Kindly get back to me soonest. That's how we sez it here. I need your maximum co-operation and high level of confidentiality, neither of which I have a f**king clue about. I will give you the break down on the sharing modalities as soon as I look up what modalities are, and find out if I can masturbate with them or not. If I can, you wont get them. Haha.

Sincerely

Adams Mensah

Not unusual of late, I got no replies from any of the couple dozen of scammers I copied this to. But I did get one rather testy reply from the alleged -- and now aggrieved -- Mr. Mensah:

u r not nice person. f*k u dont contact me more.

Knowing that I'm not a nice person, you all knew I would contact him more:

I know I'm not supposed to contact you more, but I did have to ask: how many keyboards do you have to replace each year, after your masturbation-laden fingers get that sticky sh** all over the keyboards, gumming them up? Just wonderin'...

No reply since. He must need another new keyboard...