March Just Got A Little Madder

For those of you who've read this blog for any length of time, you know that basketball is not amongst my interests or abilities. In fact, in one post on the subject a few years ago, I postulated that the best thing about March Madness was when it was over.

Well...I still feel that way. But that didn't stop me from taking my serious disinterest and applying it to an online brackets challenge by a local radio station.

I did this last year, too. Of great surprise, I came very near to doing better than I thought I would. I didn't place in the top 80%. I sincerely thought I wouldn't place in the top 99%.

Perhaps I'll do even better this year. Or not.

My methodology for picking teams involves (a) math (b) probability (c) randomosity (d) confoundity and (e) input from the pet rock, Seymour. If Seymour said "go with THAT one!", I picked opposite.

"PHFFFFT!!"

For example, here's one of many of the exchanges between me and my pet rock on bracket selection:

Me: "I'll take this one".

Seymour: "W..wh...why?"

Me: "Better record, tougher conference, better probability of advancing. Silly stuff like that".

Seymour: "Oh phhffffffffft on that. I like the other team's name!"

Me: "You can't pronounce their name!"

Seymour: "Can too!! It's (and he goes on to slaughter it a few times)...did NOT!!"

Seymour got so incensed at my methodology of bracket selection, he insisted that I let him fill out a bracket. So I did. I gave him a completely blank bracket, and told him to knock himself out.

"Will NOT!!!"

The next day, Seymour sits on the coffee table, beaming.

Me: "Get your brackets done?"

Seymour: "Bet your assatopsis I did! And mine are WAY gooder than yours!"

As I peruse Seymour's "WAY gooder" picks, I immediately note a pattern:

Me: "Ah, Seymour...how did you pick your brackets?"

Seymour: "I picked the teams I like the sounds of!"

Me: "Seymour...William & Mary is/are not in the tournament.."

Seymour: "They are TOO! I put them in!"

Me: "And neither is UCLA..."

Seymour: "They are NOW!"

Me: "By the way, Seymour, UCLA are not Trojans.."

Seymour: "Are TOO! They're from California! They believe in contraption!"

Me: "Oy..."

As I gander further:

Me: "Seymour, these guys CAN'T be in the tournament..."

Seymour: "Why?"

Me: "Because they weren't invited, and they're from the National Football League!"

Seymour: "Phhffft. They're in. I think Green Bay will make the Final Four..".

Me: "Maybe next January..."

Seymour: "The tournament lasts THAT long?"

Seymour wants to bet me on whose bracket picks will do better. I am sorely tempted to take him up on this, even as badly as I tend to pick, what with my dislike of the sport of basketball.

After all, for all of Seymour's geologic acumen, I have this gut instinct that, despite my own failings in picking NCAA tournament winners, Seymour's ultimate brackets winner -- Michael Jordan's Warner Brothers team -- will not be there in April.

"Will TOO!!! PHFFFFT!!!"

Yep...March just got a little madder...

UPDATE: After Day #1 of March Madness, my brackets were 100% intact. Yeah, shocked me, too. After Day #2...my brackets look worse than silk curtains after a cat went apecrap. My Final Four is already half-gone. Guess I won't quit my day (night) job...but at least I still have a better chance of picking the ultimate winner, than Seymour does.

"Do NOT!!!"