The Valentine Reply

Those of you what read it, you asked for it.

Well, at least three of you did. What I would do with the email scam online video sex request from Adriana (see previous post).

I replied to Adriana and 22 of her most deserving peers and colleagues. And I attached this photo with the rewrite. It seems quite plausible that this is what Adriana looks like, after her email and videos travelled through the various filters and portals from a parallel dimension, to this one.

I mean, when you read that email, you DIDN'T really believe it came from an educated adult in OUR world, right?

Or maybe I'm the naive one here...at any rate, here's what I dun widdit:

BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? Did I contact another f***ing loser who can't f***ing follow simple email instructions? Grand Canyonesque vaginas above!

Though, maybe it's this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage, since I had to get it from my handler at the internet cafe where I perform lewd acts on domesticated farm animals to keep the locals from dozing off at their keyboards.

Anyways how u been? In case u dont know who this is its ME, ADRIANA. Yeah, the one that gave you such hot nightmares back in '09, that involved spurting foam, riled gerbils, and inflatable manatee sex toys. We used to chat a bit on facebook and thenI think u deleted me. Why the f*** would you do that?

Well, I got 2 things to tell u.. both good news to those who perpetually drink in barlight.. 1) im single now.. and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEARU.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 300 of your neighbors, two dozen sexual deviants who come -- figuratively and literally -- to my web cam, and a few dozen cousins who I am willing to sell myself to if the pickings locally are slim.

I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill. Now that you see a picture of me, you know it to be true and it's even more true after a fifth of Crown Royale or any form of 80 or better proof alcohol. Hell, I'm Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, AND J. Lo rolled into one, when the mix of alcohol and barlighting is right.

And I'm downright AWESOME in pitch black. 'Cept I bump into a lot of sh** when I have to chase you, dammit. Don't run away like others have tried if a little light sneaks in. That hurts my feelings. And my knees, ankles, whatever else I bump into sh** with trying to catch you.

im hoping this email addy is stillthe one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe evenhelp me move my sh** in...are u still on facebook? You changed your picture from a person to an animal, and I wasn't sure if that was to make yourself harder to find, or was telling me something significant about your sexual preferences.

Well, I am here to tell you that NOTHING is off my list of doable, baby.

Now that i am single, ok so more info about me.. well im 23 in some binary measure of chronology. Not sure if it's human, dog, cat, or Galapagos Island tortoise. I was born under the unheralded 13th astrological sign of Gorkus. If you haven't heard of it, it is signified by two buzzards colliding in mid-air. I love to socialize, go out for drinks, meth, ecstacy, and demonstrate my sexual prowess after a few good crack hits with my lil kitty named BOO. I hope your claws aren't as sharp as hers hahaha.

If you hadn't realized it yet, uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but every gurl is they just wont admit it. so i love watching p0rn and all that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..I even more enjoy doing lots of unspeakable things to furniture, kitchen appliances, and shaving cream containers. Videotaped, of course. I tried to make a Doritos commercial for the Super Bowl, but I couldn't get the dog to eat the Snickers after what I did to it. Hahaha. No one would have remembered Betty White after THAT commercial.

OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there..do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar or sex toy store, or at a truck stop or in a massage parlor, something like that. i currently work from home and well thats cool but i need to be out meeting new clients.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what idid? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat with people while fornicating with hambones HHAHA... BOMB right :)?

I KNOW.. like i figure i'm horny anyways why not get paid to do the most disgusting things online and on video that get me YouTube exposure and millions of hits from classy places like Russia and Burundi?

anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need a video partner to help take my webcams to the next perverted level, and I want you to work with me, and use your many sources to bring in live chickens, turkeys, rabbits, gerbils, koalas....any kind of live animal that can make my sex videos reach the one BILLION hit mark. Then I get a bonus!

Hahaha. I know what you're thinking. Hee.

lol..ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u can go in to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY USE IT FOR URSELF...

But if you share it with a college fraternity or sports bar, something like that, that's okay too.

remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD EXCEPT WHAT I JUST SAID WERE EXCEPTIONS TO MAKE PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. oh, screw that. I don't trust you any more than I trust the bitch I work for. Hear that, Natalie? You're a slave-driving BEEYOTCH.

hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probablysoooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work and get my webcam all sticky and icky. ireally hope u come. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my stress about the movie i'm making... if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get thereafter my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS..well, unless you give it out to the exceptions I listed. hahahaha. k babe im outfor now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo ADRIANA (aka Cletus Sylvester, chat room crossdresser)

I reckon that I shouldn't be surprised that, even having dispatched this back to 'Adriana' and 22 of her peers and colleagues, I didn't draw one response from any of them. Not a peep. Not even a simple two word response that usually sounds more inviting than it's meant to wind up.

Small wonder I'm still single...*wink*