Waits and Measures II - A Nobel Peas Prize?

You -- and I -- thought I had heard the last of Byrunt Martians, right?

Guess again.

As is customary for me, I send a few parting emails to a scammer that's figured out I'm not playing along. Most times, I'm ignored, or the email account goes phfffft. But not always.

Like now.

After sending Martians an email that said, in essence, I am most unable to understand your display of pique with me. Wouldst thou care to elaborateth?, to my astonished amusement, Martians did:

i must say you talk and behav like one that is not serous i must tell you that you the one delay this hole tracfer now your check is her but no u have to make payment and u make joke insead. i must tell to u my staff not think u serous to.

Pissed off his staff too, eh? Wow. Perhaps a chance to make amends? Let's see:

Martians, I am not the bad chap you and your staph have led you to believe. In fact, I am quite a generous sot. I was so impressed with your effort to give me the business, I submitted your name in nomination for the 2010 Nobel Peas Prize. Yes, I really did. You should be hearing from the nominating committee in a short time. How's THAT for serous, eh?

*hook*:

jack

WAT DO YOU MEEN BY THIS MAIL?

Martians, why the meaning should be oblivious: your tireless efforts to give me the business are worthy, in my opinion, of my returning the favor, and nominating you for a Nobel Peas Prize. Thus, I have submitted your name to the Norwegian Nobel Institute's Nomination Committee, for consideration for the 2010 Peas Prize. Makes you and your staph feel kinda foolish now, doesn't it?

jack is this some kind of jok?

Martians, I am serious. Totally, dude. And you will believe me, when you get the email from the Nomination Committee. Cross your heart, dude.

i dont no believe this mail you send.

You'll see, Martians. Probably by early next week.

jack regarding u mail well i am not undersanding this Nobel stuff u say?

So, let's see if, now that he's ever so cautiously nibbling at the bait, can I get him to take it? So naturally, I had to go in and create an email account that looked officially from the Nobel folks. A little Internet research, a little Yahoo Mail, and wha la, on the first of the next week -- as promised -- Martians received that which Jack N. Ewehoff had promised him:

Herr Bryan Martians,

It iz mine pleazure to contact you on behalf of das Norwegian Nobel Institute undt inform you zat you have been zelectedt undt nominated az a potential rezipient fer das 2010 Nobel Peas Prize.

I congratulate you undt hope you vill azzept tis honor.

Fer das nominatingk procezz, ve need your followingk informations:

Full Name, Address, Zity of Rezidenze, Country of Rezidenze, Telephone Number, Date of Birth, Occupation, Blood Type, Interests, Hobbies, Fetishes.

Ve also need to know if you have been nominated fer das Nobel before? If zo, vhen? Undt can you travel to Oslo to azzept your prize if zelectedt?

Pleaze complete das questionnaire undt return by Zunday, June 6. Undt again, ve congratulate you on your nomination.

Zinzerely,

Geyr Lunestadt, Director

Nobel Peas Prize Patrol Nomination Committee

Norwegian Nobel Institute

Henrik Ibsens gate 51

0255 OSLO

Tele: 47-22-12-93-00

After a couple days, it drew this reply:

i am not undersand this mail. who r u? what is this about?

I was happy to have "Geyr" write back and 'splain it:

Herr Martians,

Das Nobel Peas Prize iz das most preztigious avard in human endeavored hysterectomy. It iz coveted acrozz das zivilized vorld. Undt in das past few yearz, ve have made the nomination procezz even eazier. Yazzer Arafat undt AlGore von a Nobel. It iz zo eazy, zomeone who haz done almost nothingk but talk alot can vin, az happened in 2009! Mein Gott, a door knob can vin a Nobel theze dayz! Zo your chancez are vunderbar at vinning! Zo fill out das informations questions ve zent you undt return zem zoonest!

r u jok with me? u cant not be serous?

Herr Martians, I never joke aboot schtuff like diz. Fill out das questionnaire undt zee!

i want you call me on phone to talk (and he gave me the number he used early on).

Herr Martians, you may call me at ze number on mine zignature, undt ve may have sprechens to your heartz content undt schtuff. Call me now (and I re-provided him the actual number to the Norwegian Nobel Institute...in Oslo...so time-wise, he probably got who-knows-who-or-what...in Norwegian).

Now....perhaps he did call...perhaps he didn't. Whatever the case, undt zadly..."Herr Martians" stopped communicating. No further email prods from either Jack N. Ewehoff or Director Geyr Lunestadt, drew so much as a "ashole" in reply.

Too bad, too: not EVERY door knob gets an email from the Nobel Peas Prize Patrol Nomination Committee ;-)