Friday, June 11, 2010

Waits and Measures II - A Nobel Peas Prize?

You -- and I -- thought I had heard the last of Byrunt Martians, right?
Guess again.
As is customary for me, I send a few parting emails to a scammer that's figured out I'm not playing along. Most times, I'm ignored, or the email account goes phfffft. But not always.
Like now.
After sending Martians an email that said, in essence, I am most unable to understand your display of pique with me. Wouldst thou care to elaborateth?, to my astonished amusement, Martians did:
i must say you talk and behav like one that is not serous i must tell you that you the one delay this hole tracfer now your check is her but no u have to make payment and u make joke insead. i must tell to u my staff not think u serous to.
Pissed off his staff too, eh? Wow. Perhaps a chance to make amends? Let's see:
Martians, I am not the bad chap you and your staph have led you to believe. In fact, I am quite a generous sot. I was so impressed with your effort to give me the business, I submitted your name in nomination for the 2010 Nobel Peas Prize. Yes, I really did. You should be hearing from the nominating committee in a short time. How's THAT for serous, eh?
*hook*:
jack
WAT DO YOU MEEN BY THIS MAIL?
Martians, why the meaning should be oblivious: your tireless efforts to give me the business are worthy, in my opinion, of my returning the favor, and nominating you for a Nobel Peas Prize. Thus, I have submitted your name to the Norwegian Nobel Institute's Nomination Committee, for consideration for the 2010 Peas Prize. Makes you and your staph feel kinda foolish now, doesn't it?
jack is this some kind of jok?
Martians, I am serious. Totally, dude. And you will believe me, when you get the email from the Nomination Committee. Cross your heart, dude.
i dont no believe this mail you send.
You'll see, Martians. Probably by early next week.
jack regarding u mail well i am not undersanding this Nobel stuff u say?
So, let's see if, now that he's ever so cautiously nibbling at the bait, can I get him to take it? So naturally, I had to go in and create an email account that looked officially from the Nobel folks. A little Internet research, a little Yahoo Mail, and wha la, on the first of the next week -- as promised -- Martians received that which Jack N. Ewehoff had promised him:
Herr Bryan Martians,
It iz mine pleazure to contact you on behalf of das Norwegian Nobel Institute undt inform you zat you have been zelectedt undt nominated az a potential rezipient fer das 2010 Nobel Peas Prize.
I congratulate you undt hope you vill azzept tis honor.
Fer das nominatingk procezz, ve need your followingk informations:
Full Name, Address, Zity of Rezidenze, Country of Rezidenze, Telephone Number, Date of Birth, Occupation, Blood Type, Interests, Hobbies, Fetishes.
Ve also need to know if you have been nominated fer das Nobel before? If zo, vhen? Undt can you travel to Oslo to azzept your prize if zelectedt?
Pleaze complete das questionnaire undt return by Zunday, June 6. Undt again, ve congratulate you on your nomination.
Zinzerely,
Geyr Lunestadt, Director
Nobel Peas Prize Patrol Nomination Committee
Norwegian Nobel Institute
Henrik Ibsens gate 51
0255 OSLO
Tele: 47-22-12-93-00
After a couple days, it drew this reply:
i am not undersand this mail. who r u? what is this about?
I was happy to have "Geyr" write back and 'splain it:
Herr Martians,
Das Nobel Peas Prize iz das most preztigious avard in human endeavored hysterectomy. It iz coveted acrozz das zivilized vorld. Undt in das past few yearz, ve have made the nomination procezz even eazier. Yazzer Arafat undt AlGore von a Nobel. It iz zo eazy, zomeone who haz done almost nothingk but talk alot can vin, az happened in 2009! Mein Gott, a door knob can vin a Nobel theze dayz! Zo your chancez are vunderbar at vinning! Zo fill out das informations questions ve zent you undt return zem zoonest!
r u jok with me? u cant not be serous?
Herr Martians, I never joke aboot schtuff like diz. Fill out das questionnaire undt zee!
i want you call me on phone to talk (and he gave me the number he used early on).
Herr Martians, you may call me at ze number on mine zignature, undt ve may have sprechens to your heartz content undt schtuff. Call me now (and I re-provided him the actual number to the Norwegian Nobel Institute...in Oslo...so time-wise, he probably got who-knows-who-or-what...in Norwegian).
Now....perhaps he did call...perhaps he didn't. Whatever the case, undt zadly..."Herr Martians" stopped communicating. No further email prods from either Jack N. Ewehoff or Director Geyr Lunestadt, drew so much as a "ashole" in reply.
Too bad, too: not EVERY door knob gets an email from the Nobel Peas Prize Patrol Nomination Committee ;-)

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9 Comments:

Blogger Sueann said...

A door knob can win!!! HA! Poor Martians...it was all just too much for him.
Hugs
SueAnn

11 June, 2010 03:03  
Blogger The Dental Maven said...

Okay Skunk. That was brilliant! Now you just need to have Geyr Lunestadt phone the Norwegian Nobel Institute and see if he's had any messages.

11 June, 2010 05:01  
Blogger Unknown said...

That was absolutely delightful! Love your scammer posts!

11 June, 2010 08:28  
Blogger Right Truth said...

Love his spelling and shorthand, heh.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

11 June, 2010 09:54  
Blogger Sniffles and Smiles said...

There is NO ONE, I say, NO ONE with as INCREDIBLE an imagination and wit as Skunk!! I defy even the Nobel PEAS PRIZE Committee to produce a better!!!!!!!!!!!! I nominate YOU, my friend!!!!! YOU CERTAINLY TALK GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL....Brilliant, purely brilliant!! I wish I had your wit...You are unbelievably good! Have a great Saturday!! Hugs, Janine

11 June, 2010 21:14  
Anonymous Leeuna said...

Bwahaha. Nobel Peas Prize. Skunk, you rock. This was hilarious.

12 June, 2010 15:13  
Blogger Herb said...

Oh Mein Gottinhimmel! Dot vuz brilliant. YOU are Shogun.

12 June, 2010 15:57  
Blogger Sniffles and Smiles said...

Have a wonderful weekend, dear Skunk!!! :-)) Hugs, Janine

13 June, 2010 20:53  
Blogger Lawyer Mom said...

Do you think that same Martian committee gave it to Obama? They do seem a hopeful bunch.

14 June, 2010 07:19  

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