Friday, August 8, 2008

Daliverunce Part Too


Life is full of surprises. After reading my reply to scamstress Grace Kobe, you would have figured -- as did I -- that I'd heard the last of her.

Yall ain't gonna believe this hyar: she replied.

Color me amazed:

DEAR DR. WALDORF:

THE CONSIGNMENT THAT MY HUSBAND DEPOSIT IN THE SECURITY COMPANY CONTAIN $15.MILLION US. FIRST I WILL LIKE TO STATE THE CONSIGNMENT WILL BE DELIVER TO YOU WHEREVER YOU CHOOSE. PRESENTLY THE CONSIGNMENT IS IN COTONOU, REPUBLIC OF BENIN IN WEST AFRICA (OF..er..of course) I HAVE MADE ARRANGEMENT WITH DIPLOMAT TO BRING THE CONSIGNMENT THROUGH DIPLOMAT MEANS TO YOUR DOORSTEP.

ONCE ALL NECESSARY DIPLOMAT ARRANGEMENTS ARE FINALISED, THE DIPLOMAT WHO WILL BE DELIVERING TO YOU WILL DEPART FOR THE SECURITY COMPANY IN COTONOU TO PUT UP CLAIM FOR THE CONSIGNMENT CONTAINING THE MONEY WITH A LETTER OF AUTHORITY AND ALL NECESSARY CLAIM FORMS FROM ME. ONCE HE HAS CLAIMED CONSIGNMENT HE WILL DEPART FOR ADDRESS GIVEN BY YOU.

BUT THE FIRST THING TO DO NOW IS TO SEND THE KEYS TO THE CONSIGNMENT TO YOU BEFORE THE DIPLOMAT DEPART TO YOUR COUNTRY, BECAUSE THE KEYS TO THE CONSIGNEMTN HAS TO BE WITH YOU SO THAT YOU CAN ENABLE TO OPEN THE CONSIGNMENT WHEN THE DIPLOMAT ARRIVES YOU HOUSE TO FOFORIM THE CONTENT AND TO COUNT IF THE MONEY IS COMPLETE $15.MILLION US, BECAUSE MY AGREEMENT WITH HIM IS TO PAY ALL SHIPMENT, COURIER AND DELIVERY CHARGES ON ARRIVAL AT THE POINT OF DELIVERY. FOR ALL THIS YOU NEED KEYS I HAVE.

TO THIS EFFECT I WILL NEED YOU SEND ME A COMPLETE ADDRESS OF WHERE YOU INTEND TO RECIEVE THE PACKAGE CONTAINING THE KEYS FROM FEDEX WHICH WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR COURIERING THE PACKAGE TO YOU. I WILL ATTACHED THE COPY OF THE CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT THT WAS ISSUED WHEN THE CONSIGNMENT WAS DEPOSITED BY MY HUSBAND IN COTONOU, AND I WILL ATTACH THE COPY OF THE DIPLOMAT'S ID CARD LATER, THAT WILL ENABLE YOU IDENTIFY THE DIPLOMAT ON ARRIVAL.

MY CHILDRUN ARE NINE AND SIX AND FOUR YEARS OF AGE. WE COUNT ON YOUR HONESTY AND HELP, WALDORF. I WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THIS IS NOT DRUG MONEY SO DO NOT HAVE ANY FEAR. I AWAIT YOUR MOST URGENT RESPONSE.

MARY KOBE (er...wasn't it Grace the first time? Eh...hail Mary, full of Grace, or vice-versa, or they're both full of it..whatever. Also note that her all-caps writing is much improved here, over the second half of her first missive).

About half the time, scammers post their letters in upper case, as if it adds importance, legitimacy, and/or emphasis to their bullschtick. The rest of the time -- when the bullschtick is recognized -- it's to convey anger (aka, Mary Walker and her bannister).

But the notion that she genuinely read and understood my reply, still astonishes me.

Can it really work again? Lessee:

Ma'am: ah'm plum gratifried yall wanna do this hyar to me th way yall wanna do it. Jest so's thar's no cornfushun, ah'm in agreemint with yore proposul ta give me this hyar bizness. Ah'd normally say ah wuz game, but iffen yall wuz from Texus, ah'd be afeard yall would open fahr.

Anyhoo, iffen yall needs ta send me them thar keys, git er done. Send 'em hyar:

Dr. Waldorf Billybob Snarf

11995 Erectile Dysfunction Road, Box 69

Viagra Falls, SC

USof A

Ah'll let yall know when ah git 'em. An' thank ye kindly fer lettin' me know that thar money ain't drug money; ah'm a Gawd-feerin', upright Christun, tho' ah do snatch a nip of hootch now an agin. Make it mahsef. Gooooood. Yall git back ta me now, yhear?

She does too, in..uh..Part..oh horsefeathers, what's that numbr..uh..Twee.

4 Comments:

Blogger Ivy the Goober said...

Gol durn, I didn't knowed you was from Viagra Falls!

03 February, 2006 18:56  
Blogger FTS said...

Is that anywhere near Lake Flacid or the Mammary Towers?

05 February, 2006 10:35  
Blogger Karen said...

*snortle* Viagra Falls? ma kin iz thar. Ah leev ate milz up da rode, box 77 in Petersburg, jest down from Balls Kort.

06 February, 2006 13:42  
Blogger Karen said...

I have to admit that I laughed as hard as I did back then.

08 August, 2008 14:59  

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