Walker: Nigerian Scamstress Part VIII

I love being cooperative and expedient. Especially with these folks.

Luxuriating over the extreme annoyance of my intended victimizers is like savoring a good cup of java after a nice dinner, when the scam begins to implode and the scammers become the suckers. And they find they don't like it.

When I left off, the good (for laughs) Mary Walker and her 'attority' Smit 'Sh**' Morgan, were expecting to hear from the equally good Dr. U. R. Phulovit, as he 'travels' to NYC for meetings. From there, the good Dr. was expected to send Mrs. Walker a photo (in the previous installment), and the good bannister a Western Union wire transfer of $1,500 US Dollars, for services to be rendered to give the good Dr. the business.

I received this from Mrs. Walker, allegedly during the transit of Dr. Phulovit to the USA:

Dr. Dr Phulovit

thanks for your message, they content well understood i will like to no from you ehen are ou leaving to usa and when are you returning back for the complation of this business. pleased as you have said you will send me your piture while you are in state which piture you mean.

Regarding the sugestion my attority brought as per opening account in spain what is your own point of view on that regards.

please as you said before that you do not want delay i my self i dot need delay to. as i all way told you this fund in spain is my last hope in life. allway remember the confidentialit of this transaction.

A perfect blend of typos and gibberish, an oblivious gift that Mary Walker abuses well. And one I responded to by simply sending her the photo (see Part VII) and a "we'll attempt to converse and well comprehend the contents soon".

Meantime, having prepared an adequate-looking Western Union receipt (see above) for Bannister Sh** Morgan and his gay associate, I waited until late Monday, January 23, to dispatch it, so that he (or his gay associate) could go to the Lagos, Nigerian WU office and (attempt unsuccessfully to) cash it.

It didn't take them long to try, apparently. Witness the response I had awaiting me very early Wednesday morning (Lagos is about 8 hours ahead of moi):

ATTEN: D. U. R. Phulovit

SIR (I guess they love caps when they're pissed):

THIS IS NOT RIGHT I RECEIVE YOUR EMAIL WITH RECEPT, THE CONTENT WELL COMPREHENSIVE. MY ASSOCIATE TOOK IT TO WESTREN UNION OFFICE BUT THEY SAY IT NOT GOOD NUMBER AND NO MONEY IS WITH IT TO CLAM.

YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE JEST WITH ME AND MY CLINT. I HAVE EXPEND TIME AND MONEY TO COMPLET THE DUE PROCCESS OF THE DOCUMENTATION WITH THE BANK AND YOU ARE NOT SINCERE MAKING JOKE OF ME.

YOU OWE FOR THE LEGAL FESS AND SERVICE, I DEMAND YOU STOP ACTING LIKE CHILDRUN AND SEND SUM OF $1,500 YOU PROMISE AT ONCE WITH NO MORE JEST. I TELL MY CLIENT THAT SHE SHOULD NOT FURTHER YOU UNTIL YOU DO THIS.

I GUESS..er..I guess he told me..er..Phulovit. But you gotta give him credit: he still thinks I'm going to send him $1,500 US Dollars, after making 'jest' of him.

And within an hour of receiving the bannister's diatribe, I get the following from herself:

Dr. Uranus (guess we're on a first name basis when SHE'S PISSED):

i got your mesage the content well understood as amatter of fact the way you sounded you are not serious the piture you send to me doesnt not resemble the piture you send to me on your passport meanwhile while should you hold your passport at hand.

my attority say you not send money but say you do. but who tell you to send momey to attorney (geeawd, she finally spelled it RIGHT) i told you allready that the barrier promoise to get is legal fees after complation of is job. that money in spain is okay for me.

He does not need your money as at now. you hide your phone but give me you piture.

I guess she told me..er..Uranus, too. Just what she told me, I can't say: her contents aren't so well understood.

Oh well.

Last up, Part IX: The Good Dr. U. R. Phulovit's Reply and Epilogue