Thursday, July 24, 2008

Walker: Nigerian Scamstress Part IX

Now I went and did it: the lieyar is pissed. His 'clint' is pissed. I should stop acting "like childrun".

It's been 49 years yesterday (which would be digressing to discuss), and no one else has yet succeeded in getting me to act my age, whatever I confess it to be. But they don't need to know that.

Yet somehow this time, I feel bad. Sorta.

I must feel thus (or at least fake it), because this is (probably) the grand finale to Mary Walker's "last hope in life". At least as far as Dr. U. R. Phulovit goes. Which probably explains my most contrite, sincerely insincere tone (to both the lieyar and 'clint'):

Ma'am and Bannister:

You have suggested much in your astonishingly harsh, almost literate replies. Including the presumption that I should be ashamed of my insincerity.

You know what? You're right.

I have been insincere. Totally. Being insincere with persons such as you is so totally called-for, but that's beside the point. I was insincere. On this, you are right. I have no excuse, save for your own monumental insincerity, which is no excuse for me to be insincere, though it did figure hugely in my own insincerity, excuseability aside.

It was rude and most untoward of me to turn your game around on you. I should have borne my victimization with aplomb and dignity. After all, it was Ma'am's "last hope in life" that I failed by pinning the mugu badge on you, instead of proudly wearing it myself. Persons of a liberal/progressive ideology would call this very 'mean-spirited' of me. I do genuinely hate when that happens, though not really. Oops, more of that insincerity of mine. My bad. But not really.

Dagnabbit, there I go again.

See how easily I can be insincere? Just consider it a character flaw, one I have spent my life working hard to hone to a fine edge. Looks like I'm making noteworthy progress.

What's more to the other point, I was insulting. Demeaning. I committed the parrot sin: I made jest of you. That's an integral, necessary part of this insincerity, which underlines and highlights the insincerity.

I should apologize and be ashamed. I really should. So let me start my apology by saying with all the sincerity this entire episode has had a dearth of, I'm sorry that you're dishonest morons. I'm sure it isn't your fault. You can't help it. And I'm sorry you two have all the insincere intentions of the contents of an outhouse pit. It stinks to be that insincere. But and again, I know you can't help it. It's the way you are. And I should have accepted you as you were.

I did, but I digress.

As for my feeling ashamed of myself, you're right. I should. And I will. I have it penciled in on my day planner for the first Monday in June, 2023. Should I forget by then, you can pencil in to send me a reminder email. Or whatever mode is in vogue at that point in time; text message, perhaps. If we've regressed due to some global warming crap actually proving true, I guess it'll have to be drums, because smoke signals is so global-warming-perpetuating, or so it's thunk. Either way, I won't know how to read them, so you'll have to send me the message with an audio or visual translator.

Finally, may I close this sincerely insincere unapology by answering with specificity, two comments of yours: Mr. Bannister Sh** Morgan, regarding your demand for the $1,500 fee: no. You can have a porcupine enema on me, but not the money. Sue me if you like. I'll be a character witness for you. You have my deposition herein as evidence. Print it, fold it lengthwise, and shove it up your ass sideways, when filing it with the court.

Mrs. Mary Walker, Muguette: you still don't get my telephone number, you goat-smelling egg-sucking case of dysenteric flatulence. But you finally do get something positive out of this, for I mean that last in all genuine sincerity. Really. Honest.

Most genuinely and sincerely (you'll have to take my word for that),

Dr. U. R. Phulovit

I am disappointed to report that with this genuinely sincere reply, no further acknowledgement was forthcoming.

But not really.


Blogger Kyra said...

Happy Birthday, Skunk! May you grow old but never grow up.

26 January, 2006 01:40  
Blogger Herb said...

My, my, my. No response, imagine that.

26 January, 2006 04:09  
Anonymous TSB said...

Happy Birthday, I hope it was awesome :)

26 January, 2006 07:15  
Blogger Monica said...

Happy one day past the birthday, friend!

26 January, 2006 08:52  
Blogger Karen said...

This was the best one yet, you've outdone yourself, and I mean that, sincerely. ROFL

As for not acting your age - don't do it, ever.

26 January, 2006 10:08  
Blogger FTS said...

Hey, maybe if you told them it was your birthday they'd waive the legal fees. ;)

26 January, 2006 10:51  
Blogger Debbie said...

It truly is inconsiderate of you to be unkind to the person who is trying to scam you, ha.
Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

25 July, 2008 13:20  
Blogger Little Lamb said...

and they keep coming.

25 July, 2008 17:00  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Happy belated birthday!!!

Give 'em hell skunky!!!

25 July, 2008 18:43  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No response to your sincere insincerely sincere missive? How very rude! Obviously their mommies and daddies never taught them proper table manners!

25 July, 2008 19:28  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

A happy belated birthday.

That is NOT insincere, by the way.

25 July, 2008 22:42  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Bearing in mind that this is a reprint from 2 years ago this past January -- when my birthday wuz -- I thank y'all for the belated wishes... ;) I knowd they wuz sincere, much moreso than I wuz wid Ms Walker...

26 July, 2008 18:23  

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