Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Walker: Nigerian Scamstress Part VII


Regarding my previously expressed concerns about the literacy of Bannister Sh** Morgan, Esq, let's call it asked and answered:

ATTEN: Dr. U. R. Phulovit

Sir:

Thanks for your mail, the content well comprehensive (snicker, laugh, titter, ROAR). Please when are you going to USA and how long will you be there? I guees you can have access to telephone and e-mail there to keep in good contact on every development (yeah, it's rumored they have such there).

As it stand I think you are leaving to USA in a couple days and we cannot complete the due proccess of the documentation with the bank within this short time for your going to Spain, as such we shall complete all the documentations in your favour legally as teh next beneficiary for the transfer of the fund, which will require your physical present in Spain to open an account for the final remittance of the fund when you comes back (yeah, right, you schmuck).

Regards the legal fess and services, which will enhance my capability to proccess all the needed documents with the bank in your favour as the next beneficiary of the fund, I hereby advice that you send the sum of $1,500 (TOING!) on the name of one of my lawyer in the chamber. Barrister Samuel Ossom. Who will go to the Western union post to collect the money. Send the money by Western union money transfer, eg:

Name of receiver -- Barrister Samuel Ossom
Address -- Number 27 Bishope Avenue, Ilupeju Lagos
Secret Question -- What purpose
Answer -- Services

As soon as you send the money, do append payment information or the western union receipt by scan e-mail attachment to me, if possible you can call me on my phoen number as above you'rs for service,

Smit Morgan, Esq.

Now it's time to let him think he's set the hook and will shortly be reeling in the mugu/sucker:

Sh**: it is good you have provided me the fee amount needed and your recommended manure of fee delivery. I can attend to it during the travel phase of my trip. Yes, I will have access to email while in the USA -- I understand they have it there -- and my employer will be forwarding necessary information to me there for my business meetings. This is an important and busy time for my company, the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute; our products and services are in high demand at this time, especially for commercials during the NFL Super Bowl. Anheiser-Busch Breweries are regular clients for our beer-stealing, trained lobsters and crabs. A tough job, but so gratifying with the results.

I am unable to send to your gay associate the fee via Western Union today; the local office here in Vaduz was unexpectedly buried in an avalanche from the very heavy snows we received recently. What a mess; most inopportune. However, there are WU offices in the USA. I am scheduled to be arriving in New York City on Saturday, January 21; I am sure I can find a WU office there, and send the fee thence.

You may rest assured, Bannister, that your efforts to give me this business on behalf of your client will soon achieve just conclusion. I must go now, as I leave shortly for Zurich, and one of our trained lobsters is trying to steal one of my bags. It is difficult business, this obedience training. Sometimes, a threat of cooking is needed. Tough love; you understand, I'm sure.

Dr. U. R. Phulovit

The photo above is Dr. Phulovit (aka, the late Pat Paulsen) meeting with a dignitary in NYC, a photo I promised to Mrs. Mary Walker.

Next up: Part VIII -- The Western Union Response and...

4 Comments:

Blogger FTS said...

In a manure of speaking, he's in deep doo doo.

20 January, 2006 14:13  
Blogger Karen said...

Manure? Trained crabs and lobsters? OMG. Just when I didn't think this could be any funnier... you do it.

20 January, 2006 15:35  
Blogger Ivy the Goober said...

The suspense is killing me! :)

21 January, 2006 11:13  
Blogger Debbie said...

$1,500.00 via Western Union?

Lobster obedience training? Priceless!

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth

23 July, 2008 10:43  

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