Walker: Nigerian Scamstress Part VI

After reading the first contact email from Madam Walker's lieyar, I'll bet Ted Kennedy would support this wad for the US Supreme Court. He's definitely not "overly pro-law enforcement" -- whatever Mr. Chappaquiddick means by that, but I digress.

At any rate, the 'lieyar' (Mrs. Walker's term/typo) has joined the fun. Witness the following email from His 'Onor, Barrister Smit Morgan, Esq:

Smit Morgan & Associates, Legal Practitioners & Notary Public (in case you need one, I have the address for you)

ATTEN: Dr. U. R. Phulovit

Sir:

I am Barrister Smit Morgan from the above named chamber, I am contacting you now on behalf of my client Mrs Mary Walker, a Nigerian National. She confidentialy seek my legal services (as well as, it would seem, your grammatical ones) and cover over her intending financial transaction and business partnership with you.

I am pleased to inform you that I have been discussing with the bank in Spain that Mrs. Mary Walker lodged her funds for safe keeping. My discussion as instructed by Mrs. Walker is for the legal transfer of the fund to you and your esteem account as the next feneficiary for lucrative investment on her behalf.

Please forward to me the scan copy of your international passport or your driving lincense for processing with the bank as they request.

I sincerely hope that you will display all honesty and starightforwardness to my client by keeping good record on this funds when it finally transfer to your account (you are sincerely full of your new first name).

Furthermoor be advice sir, that you will be require to be in Spain urgently for the opening of an account for the transfer of the fund and as I have discussed with Mrs Walker, my trusted partner will meet with you in Spain to gulid you in this exercise and to know you intimately (his partner's gay? Ack).

As I have insisted to have your telephone number to speak with you, regretetably, Mrs Wlaker told em that you cannot receive calls regarding the subject matter within your business arena, for confidentiality. On that note please try either now or in the nearby future to secure a hand phone at home for our heart to heart discussion as the occasion may demand.

I think by the time you are investing the fund onbheahf of mrs Walker, it is not all matters that we must related by phone, the may be an emergency that we must speak with other by phone.

Finally you will be calling me at any time of your convenience on my telephone number above (lives in his office, eh? Oooookay...).

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation and trust.

Yep...it's truly gratifying to know I'm dealing with an honest, sincere, edumacated professional bannister of the Nigerian court. I'd be terribly let down to find otherwise.

My reply, with an added twist and a few intended typos:

My good Sh** Morgan, Esq: I thank you for your contact and details. Apparently, Madam Walker in any spelling informed you of the telephone issue, which is good. Now I have another minkey wrench to toss into the gears: my employer is sending me to the USA on a business junket within a few days' time. Thus, details of you and your clients' efforts to give me the business must be attended to with expedience.

I have no objection to a final meeting in Spain for the consummation of your client giving me the business. However, kindly tell your trusted associate that there will be no intimate get togethers; I am not wired that way. He puts a hand on my thigh and I'll open a can of whupass on him. I'm just sayin'.

Now, the Spain meeting won't happen until I return from the USA, which might be a couple weeks. As I'm sure she told you, I reside in Liechtenstein; I can take a train to Spain when I get off the plane, whether or not in the rain. In Spain. Though I get off the plane in Zurich. You get the drift.

Meantime, I'm sure you, being a lieyar, have to have documents and procedures to prepare for the illegal transfer of these funds, right? I'm sure the fees are in keeping with the nature of this business and the manure in which it operates. What I would propose to do is this: you send me your physical mailing address, and I will send to you there a fair, just fee payment to that address, so you can get on with giving me your business. If I can send it to the street address you listed on your email, let me know, and it's on its' way.

Awaiting your next fountain of mirthful instructions, Sh**.

Dr. U. R. Phulovit

Next up: Part VII and the Lieyar Responds (and we find out how literate he is)...