Walker: Nigerian Scamstress? Part I

*Blogger's note: undergoing some bumps in the road at present, I am going to go back to the early 2006 files, and remind old readers of a lengthy scambait as I used to do them; for you new readers, enjoy one of my multi-part classics from January 2006; it will update every other day*

Stupidity is usually self-evident. But sometimes, select examples of stupidity stand out in such a manure that it cannot help but be acknowledged. Indeed, encouraged.

I have to admit, I receive so many of these Nigerian 419 email scams, they are beginning to bore me. It takes a really inspired one to get me motivated to respond. The following one provided just such inspiration. It did so, despite being the worst written scam appeal I've yet received.

This one was especially pathetic, and thereby enticing, because of the person -- pictured above -- invoked in the very early stage of the email. I won't explain further; I'll let the scamstress herself (pictured below, with her domineered other) do that with a recap of her email. And yes, I'll recap it just as I received it, down to the last syntax error.


Email Title: Please Reply

Dear Masato
From Mrs Mary Walker
I am a Nigeria blessed with four childrun. i got your contact through my primate seach and a reliable friend. i sek you out becase i have relative who is famos police rangr in Texus (USA) but he no want help me so i try you. i have intrest to invest in your country , i want you to be my investor partner as a joint venture. i was the personal assistan to the former first lady mrs Stella Obasanjo on the time she went to spain for medical check up befor she finaly die. I made away $10,500,000m.

this fund was secure in Bank in europe though our president is asking for the money that was with her during the trip to spain. i convine him that am not inposition of such fund (lying little trollope). Because of this I am impaled to request for your assistant to receive this money into your bank acount. befor i finally travel to meet with you in your country for investment. i do need to stress that there are practically no risk involved in this (practically no risk?) It going to be a bank-to-bank transfer. all i need from you is to stand as partner that jointly depositor of this fund.

If you accept this offer, i will give to you 15% of the sum while 65% of my share will be invested in your country on your close suppervison (I guess that means she'll be investing in my tuna fish salad I eat at work for dinner?). I have intention to invest into properties but i will prefer i invest on the business you nkow better on your close suppervision (tuna fish or Kraft Mac 'n cheese it'll be, then).

All what i need from you is your banking particulers eg your bank account your account name phsical address of your bank tel. and fax number of you bank together with your primate telphone and fax number. as to enable me send to the paying bank to credit the fund in to your account.

please remember the secresy and the confidential of this transaction. note that this transaction is not related to drugs or arms (oh, that makes it ALL better!). i will appreciate your respond toword this transacton. on recieved your respond i will send to you my family pikture (above) so you know the person you are dealing with.

Hoping soonest hear from you.

Painful as that was to read, what with her being related and all to Walker, "Texus Rangr" (I see the family resemblance; don't you?), I simply had to respond. Of course, she had initially sent this to none other than one of my many guises, Dr. Masato Chan (who is obviously posted on some Nigerian internet cafe 'mugu*' board, somewhere); but I figured that she'd not mind dealing with a stand-in, long as she thought her business would get gived in a manure she obviously intended. Thus, the reply:

Ma'am: pleased to receive your offer to give me the business. You are REALLY related to Walker, Texus Rangr? Get out of Dodge! Really? And that stuck-up schmuck won't help his own blood kin now?

What is this world coming to? But I digress.

Dr. Masato is on a distended sabbatical, working on his second Masters' thesis on the theorems of spatial flatuli expedience in a vacuum as propellant for warped space travel. Even I understand not one word of that what he writes, but he is a brilliant man and the theory is feasible if you've ever seen teenagers lighting their own flatulence. Scary, but not germaine to your business at hand.

In reading and attempting to understand your offer to give Masato the business, I think I can help guide you to your just desserts in this endeavor. Please send me the photo that provides for your bona fides (as you said, so I will know who I'm being had by), and I will work diligently on behalf of giving you all the help necessary to get you what you deserve to that end.

Your eager-to-help savant,

Dr. U. R. Phulovit, pUd

Believe it or not (and those who've read this blog, know to believe) she not only replied and sent the above photo of her and her domineered other, she is eager to see that I am, indeed, had.

Next up: Part II.

* 'big fool' in Nigerian lingo