Wednesday, August 23, 2017

In The Navy..Not

Even Popeye wouldn't fall for this one.


Avast me hardies and feast your eyes on this email, arrrrrrr:

Dear Good Friend,

We discovered useful materials under the Ocean, which includes boxes  belonging to passengers of the dead aircraft that crashed in January 2016  at Gulf of Mexico Caribbean Sea. Each of the two boxes contain Six Million  Dollars, which we hide behind Caribbean Sea for more than one year. We
cannot ship the boxes in our names because of our naval reputation.

If you have the credibility to handle the boxes then forward your complete  information for delivery schedule, also bear in mind that 30% of the total  content will be yours at successful end of this transaction. Myself and my  Colleague will visit you as soon as the boxes are confirmed in your hands.
Your Full Name, Address,Occupation, Direct Mobile Phone Number, Age and
your Passport/ Id card Proof.

 I await your reply to determine the necessary steps to magnificent  success, we are currently deployed but would get a leave immediately when  the box arrives at your destination.

 Below is my email address for response back to me and if you are on Skype
once you receive the message , get back to us immediately with your Skype
ID so we can add up and discuss more ob voice chat and video chats


CDR Armstrong Walter, 0002
Deputy Director, TFCC  

What might come as no surprise, this email arrrrrrrrrrrived the day before the solar eclipse, which might explain none of it.  My character's fascination runneth over:

This is a fascinating story.  But which undersea salvage company are you using?  And how do you hide things behind a sea?  Please tell me more.  

The "CDR" was only too happy to do so:

Good Day Jack
I am happy to hear from you, the transaction is legit and risk free but before we proceed i would love for us to get to know each other better , I am a Naval Officer with the US Military , am 49 years old born in August 28  , i am single never married , a simple and easy going person , i have attached my photo and my passport  here for trust and means of identification , i would love you to send yours too , any means of identification and if possible i would prefer we chat on Skype see each other ,i tried adding you on Skype but when i searched for your name i saw so much options , you can try finding me , my SKype ID is william.walter12  ,  we need to get on with this box as soon as possible so it can be delivered with immediate effect.

Once we do all these , i will ask the deposit / delivery company to effect shipment and send you the tracking details for you to be able to monitor the shipment and know when it would get to your location and once it gets to you , we will come to your location for the sharing of the fund, we advise you keep this confidential to avoid losing the fund if you understand what i mean.

Hope to hear from you soon.
Best Regards 
CDR Armstrong Walter, 0002
Deputy Director, TFCC  

He did, in fact, include a picture of him in his naval officer uniform, since he did say that he was a CDR (abbreviation for Commander):

 Granted, I'm a lifelong land lubber...but even I know that that ain't the uniform of a US Navy commander.

*TOING* goes the weasel.

Still, I decided to see just how on top of his reading comprehension he was with this reply.  And note that on the day this reply was crafted, the solar eclipse was totalitarying:

Good day eclipse.  Good day eclipse.  Good day eclipse.  It is to laugh...when the sun is dark...owls come out and your gf barks...(with no apologies to the Beatles)
A few peculiarities I noted, and I'm sure that the near totality of a solar eclipse is responsible for practically none of them:
  1.  Your email addy is
  2. You're Cdr. Armstrong Walter in your email.
  3. Naval officer in US Military.
  4. Dressed like a chief petty officer in your picture.
  5. With a Skype ID of william.walter12
  6. You've hidden two boxes behind the Caribbean Sea.
  7. You were born in August 28 49 years ago.
  8. You're deputy director of the TFCC.
  9. Deputy director of the Triangular FibroCartilage Complex (TFCC).
  10. You once sailed with Captain Jack Sparrow.
  11. And served on the CSS Hunley.

12. With Brian Williams.
13. During the Battle of the River Plate.

14. With an Irish dance troupe.
15. Where sank the Germain pocket battleship Admiral Giraffe Pee.

16. Because of not having the right glasses.
17. During a solar eclipse totality.
18. In Wyoming.
19. During which you were photographed leaving a Motel 6 with an inflatable sheep at 3am.
20. And you want to chat on Skype.

I don't have Skype.  Nor do I have the special glasses to look at Skype during a solar eclipse totality.
I do however have a special sensor that can help the USS Enterprise circle Uranus and find Klingons.  Perhaps we can chat on that modality.  Let me know when it's arranged.  
The noted peculiarities proved too much for Armstrong Walter to want to explain further.
Yes, the peculiarities during a solar eclipse in totality are many and complex.  Even for commander chief petty officers trying to hide things behind a sea.  In an octopus's garden.  In a box.

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