Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Is There Any Help In This Thread?

Within a scant few emails, one scammer was seeking to know if my character was going to help her or not.

Them of you what knows me -- and by association, my characters -- nothing further need be said.

But that'd be no fun.

Let's start with her opening email:


Please forgive this interrupt, but I need to discuss importance with you.  Please respond.  


Her name was Sandra Larry.  Or his name was Larry Sandra.  I wasn't sure so I had my character inquire:

Is you Sandra Larry or Larry Sandra? 


I knowd I had a bright bulb on the other end with this:


Thanks for your mail.How are you doing this beautiful day ! I hope all is well with you .Friendship can not be measured in terms of material value, nor can it be explained through our use of language, it is a thing that is felt deep within the heart, where no words can ever come close to the truth.
I want to assure you that Color, Race, Religion, or Nationality makes no difference to me . What i see in people are their Personality and Character .kindly go to the below web page; ( BBC NEWS | Africa | Air crash kills Sudanese minister) (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/ 05/02/world/africa/02iht- 02sudan.12531389.html?_r=1) Although we have not known each other before,But after going through your profile,I decided to contact you, also from the inspirations that i had from God, i believed that you will not fail me, and that through you, i will get the assistance needed.
However, My name is Miss Sandra Larry.,I am Single, 26years old, was born in South  Sudan with no kid and never married. 5ft 8inches Tall, 55kg weight,black hair and brown eyes, fair in complexion daughter to late Mr Justin Yak (former Minister for SPLA Affairs and Special Adviser to President Larry Kiir of South Sudan for Decentralization.) After the burial of my father, my uncle conspired and sold my father's properties to one Chinese Expatriate and live nothing for me. One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one bank with my name as the next of kin and also as writing in my late fathers PERSONAL WILL SAID THAT I AM THE NEXT OF KIN OF THE  MONEY . I escaped to Senegal to seek asylum,for my security, because i am not save with my uncle.
I have made contact with the bank where the money is deposited,in their responds, they told me that my father's instruction to the bank was the money to be released to me only when I am married or present a trustee who will help me and invest the money overseas, coupled with the refugee law of Senegal that prevented a refugee from handling anything money.So I am in search of ; an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee/partner,so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas.
Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me. More so,I would like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my uncle have threaten to assassinate me. The amount is $7. 2 Million.You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies.
Here is the number of the rev. father in charge of our refugee camp, when you call tell him that you want to speak with me (+221707142475)  and his name is Rev James Matthew.As soon as I receive your interest in helping me. Meanwhile, As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest, I will put things into action immediately and will educate you more on the way you will assist me receive the money. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent response indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. I am staying at the female hostel here in the refugee camp. Please, keep this transaction to your self only. Do not disclose it to any one due to it nature till the fund (Money) gets to you in your country which I will also come over once the fund is been successfully transferred.I really appreciate your concern, waiting for your urgent response so that we can  proceed. Please send me your full
contact information so that i can use it to write a letter of nomination to the bank so that when you contact the bank, they will know of a truth that you are coming on my behalf.
1.Your full names and country name...
2.Your phone and fax number..............
3.Your working place and position in the office..........
Note: I wanted to escape to the Europe but unfortunately lost my international passport and other valuable traveling documents when I was absconding from my country on public transport. I promise you sincerity and honesty over this our transaction and relationship and will always love you forever. I expect your honest and earliest reply.
Best Regards
Yours Miss Sandra   


I could have put a lot of effort into screwing with this, but truth be told, I was every bit as bored as y'all by the time I was a paragraph into it.  So I just decided to see how long she'd hang with these kinds of replies:


I cannot help a woman with a man's last name.  Sorry.   Even if you do have boobs.


Everybody in this world  have his or her last name as their fathers name so tell me what name did you want me to have as last mane  

She also lacks a proper spellchecker...but eh:


A horse has a mane.  Are you a horse? 


Do not be silly with me.  This is serious yes?  

It could be...if you have a mane, you're a horse.  A horse is a horse of course of course.  If you're not a horse, you have no mane.  You mentioned a mane.  Which is it?  


ARE READY TO HELP ME OR NOT TELL ME PLEASE  


Help? You need somebody... Help? Not just anybody.. Help? You know you need someone... Help!  


WHAT IS UR PLAN ABOUT ME JUST TELL ME  


My plan, Ms Sandra with man's last name or mane...if you have a mane, I'll saddle and ride you.  If you don't we'll discuss more practical applications for what you seek.  


I WRITE TO YOU FOR HELP AND YOU JOKE AT ME.  WHY?  


I'm just trying to establish your bona fides or bona rides, based on your email responses.  You brought up a mane, not me.  Why do you horse with me?  



I AM NOT HORSE WITH YOU!!!  IF YOU ARE NOT TO HELP ME PLEASE SAY THIS!


This!  


WHAT DO YOU MEAN?  


Go back and read your last email to me.


ARE YOU GOING TO HELP OR NOT?     


Or not.  


YOU DISAPOINT ME  


You're right...I did.  And I won't reappoint you or your FAIL of a spell checker.  


I THINK YOU SHOULD STOP WRITE TO ME.  


I think so too.  When should I stop?  Immediately or gradually, as I seem to have grown on you.  


STOP!!!!


Okay, gradually...since I seem to have grown on you.  


I'm amused she lasted that long.  The horse appeared to enjoy it too.



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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Just stop. I love the exchange. You crack me up.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

08 August, 2017 11:05  

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