Monday, April 4, 2011

Don't Bank On It

In the March 28, 2011 post, you were introduced to some of the more brilliant of email scammers I've been blessed with lately. One -- Samuel Anderson -- took a very dim view of my re-write of his email scam offer, and the way I turned it around to have him plead with other email scammers, for goats for ol' Sam to sodomize.

Ol' Sam sended me a threat over that 'un. The threat was so convincing and effective, I decided to do it agin ;-)

So when a Dr. Morris Thompson (, purportedly of the Central Bank of Nigeria, wrote to offer up another effort to give me the business, I decided to tweak the good doctor's offer a baaahd, and return it not only to the good doctor, but to ol' Sam too, as well as another of his ill-humored compatriots, Dr. Samuel Okoronji, who didn't like me making fun of his goat friends, either.

The version posted h'yar has been sanitized just a tad:


Office of the F***nanical Comptroller

Protocol Departments FCT Abuja, Nigeria

P.M.B. 4324 Abuja

Compliment of the season,

I am Dr. Morris Thompson, the Head Protocol, Office of the F***nancial Comptroller Central F***able Goat Bank of Nigeria (CFGBN). I have an urgent secret information which will be of vital help to two men I am asking you to be the goat-between for. I believe in equity and fair play, as I am sure you will see.

The former CFGBN Governor and some of his colleagues which are Bank Executives were assigned with the duty of releasing to two esteemed gentlemen -- Samuel Anderson of the UK, and Dr. Samuel Okoronji, of Ghana -- access to f***able goats which likely accrued from Lottery and/or contract/inheritance. The Governor conspired to divert access to these goats away from Anderson and Okoronji, and to his own secret cabal of goat f***ers. The strategy they employed was totally unethical and unfair. You can just imagine the chagrin of the aforementioned two esteemed gentlemen, at being denied their supply of f***able goats.

Now their f***able goat access is with my department, and I can assist them in making this transgression right. But I need your help, since CFGBN regulations restrict me from direct involvement in the transfer of access to f***able goats.

My department is in possession of the Foreign F***able Goats Deed disc which as soon as it's released to the telex department through the instruction from my office, they will perfect the modalities to make the dreams of Mr. Anderson and Dr. Okoronji come true. It needs only your help to make their dreams of many nights of total f***able goat love come true.

Please contact these two esteemed gentlemen -- I am given to understand that you have email addresses to do so -- and have them contact me at as quickly as possible, and I'll see to their assured access to this f***able goat herd, with expedience.

Please note: this email communication is confidential, and its not compulsory that you act on their behalf. If you want to torment them by denying them the f***able goat herd that they have wet-dreamed about for all of their lifetime, you can just disregard this email.

Looking forward to your immediate response, for I know that they have been without f***able goats for at least a week now.

While I have little doubt that any of the three recipients of this email were particularly pleased to hear from me -- under yet another new email guise -- only one of them, Dr. Samuel Okoronji, took the time to craft a response. And, wouldn't ya know it, a response with something less than appreciation:

u dont know who u f*** with. u will regret you jest

Dang...I will? Really? Let's see:

You just beat all, y'know? Here this Dr. Morris Thompson wants so much to help you f*** goats, and here you are, threatening the messenger, tasked with helping you f*** goats. I tell ya, good Samaritanism ain't appreciated the way it once wuz. No sireee. But to the crux of your reply, yes, I do know who I f*** with. I forwarded it to you, didn't I? I didn't forward it to your f***ing door knob, did I? Not that you'd know what a door knob is, but I digress. I await with eager anticipation, to learn just how I'll regret this. Personally, I think I'll be happier each and every day, having done all I could to hep ya git gratified, y'know?

The only regret I have is that they all quit corresponding with me. It goats to show you, no good deed goats unpunished...*ducking boos and throwd whatever's handy*

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Blogger Unknown said...

You do have cajones, sir! I'm in awe.

04 April, 2011 08:51  
Blogger Right Truth said...

This is one of you better ones. Hubby started getting Nigerian scam emails, he thought it would be fun to screw with them some, but decided not to. He's leaving it up to the professionals like you, ha.

Right Truth

04 April, 2011 10:37  
Blogger Sandee said...

What Eva said. Excellent.

I just love how you do this.

Have a terrific day. :)

04 April, 2011 10:38  

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