Mrs. Brown Tries Again

Alas, poor Mrs. Brown.

The one Herman's Hermits sang about had a daughter that broke his heart.

This one...just has a broken scam.

Despite having been there and done that, I decided to revisit and re-edit.

Here is the latest Mrs. Brown's sordid gambit (at least part of it):

Hello Blessed,
I am Mrs. Botum Janet Brown, I'm a Cambodian American Citizen, I'm the
wife of late Mr. Lewis Brown, my husband worked with the Brunei Shell
Petroleum Co Sdn Bhd (BSP) for twenty years and worked in Istanbul
Turkey as a contractor before he died in the year 2010.

We were married for 14 years without a child. My Husband died after a
brief illness that lasted for only two weeks. Since his death I
decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home.
When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum of $7,500,000
Million with a Bank in Europe. The bank management just wrote me as the
beneficiary to come forward to sign for the release of this fund or
rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my
behalf if I can not come over.

Presently, I'm in the hospital where I have been undergoing treatment
for Corona-virus. My doctor has told me because of my age, that i
have few weeks to live . It is my last wish to see this money
distributed to charity organizations and Corona-virus victims. Because
my husband's relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth
since my illness, I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge
responsibility to any of them.

Please, I'm seeking for any honest person who will get the Funds from
the Bank. And use this money to fund the poor, orphanages, widows and
charity organizations. I took this decision because I don't have any
child that will inherit this money and I don't want my husband's hard
earned money to be misused by his greedy relatives.   

A Cambodian American this time.  LOL.

I wasn't long in straightening out this Mrs. Brown:

From: Nindya Sari Sama Kama Whacky Brown <nindya.s@ub.ac.id>
Sent: Tuesday, June 8, 2021 8:50 PM
Subject: Mrs. Brown You've sent a lousy scam here

 

Hello.

Herman's Hermits sang about this in the '60s.

My pet rock, Seymour, made further light of it nearly 10 years ago.

Still, if you wish to persist:

I am Mrs. Bottom Sucker Janet Brown, I'm a citizen of a mixed 

variety of localities, currently a turd bird migrating between Burundi

and Uranus in season.  Since it takes 8 years to get from Uranus to

Burundi, those are some seasons indeed.

I'm the late wife of later Mr. Lewis Brown.  He died when his one-man 

midget sub sank off the coast of Turkey in the year 2525.  

We warned him about using a screen door as a top hatch in a submarine,

but would HE listen?  Noooooooooooooooooooooo.  I think that might

have been his last word as well when he test dove to 1200 feet.

We were married for 14 years without a child. My Husband died after a

brief illness (drowning followed by sub imploding) that lasted for only a

few seconds. Since his death I decided to explore my gender options 

which led me not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home.

When my late husband was alive he squandered our entire savings on this

stupid f**king submarine with a screen door top hatch (he figured it'd 

keep things cooler in the tropics...what a douche taco).  

The bank management just wrote me and informed me that John

Jacob Tallywhacker Smith -- that's your name too -- told them that

I am dead as well as a result of an in-grown hangnail in my uterus. 
Must have been something I picked up on Uranus.

So hubby is drowned and I am deader than a can of corned beef.

So what the f**k was I writing for?

Oh...oops...I f**ked up this template.  I'm supposed to say that I'm 

in the hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for COVID

Painful Rectal Itch Virus. My doctor has told me because of my age 

and peculiar episode with a hangnail in my uterus, that I have only

three weeks to sign up with the Barnacle Bailey Circus, before other

scammers get the idea of using this template too.

Because my husband's relatives and friends went down on a three

hour cruise trying to re-enact Gilligan's Isle (the argument of Mary

Ann vs Ginger was settled only after Mary Ann died), when not one

of them knew not to steer their yacht into the path of the USS 

Theodore Roosevelt.  

Bet that left a mark.

I cannot live with the agony of entrusting idiots like this to handle

my already dead affairs.

I probably can't trust your sorry ass either, but this was the only

email number you own.  You can use it when you feel better...when

you get home.

Please, I'm seeking for any person with a single-digit IQ that's so 

stupid they think manual labor is a Mexican national.  I took this 

decision because I don't have any idea what I'm talking about.  I am

kind of like the priest, minister and rabbit that walked into a bar; 

the bartender says to the rabbit "what will you have?" and the rabbit

says "I don't know, I'm here because of autocorrect."

It was then that the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit, messing up

two punch lines in one joke.

I don't want a situation where this email will be used in an ungodly
manner.  So no visiting strip clubs to tuck bills into the g-strings of 

dancing baphomet goat head strippers.

As soon as i have your response, i will refer you to my family lawyer

who will sue you for letting someone edit this email into something

even South Park and Monty Python wouldn't recognize.

Really f**king confused at this point,
Mrs. Bottom Sucker Janet Brown

 

The scammer did no better than the ones that got Seymour's edit ten years ago.  Of course, that last picture would be enough to scare off almost anyone.