Consumed With Scams

Welcome to 2019.

In Scamland, nothing changes with the times.

This is...or was..the US ambassador to Nigeria, W. Stuart Symington.

Looks intact here.

Seemed intact when 'he' sent my character this email:


Embassy of the United States of America
Plot 1075 Diplomatic Drive
Central District Area, Abuja.
W._Stuart_Symington_(diplomat)

Good Day,

THIS IS Ambassador Stuart Symington Ambassador to Nigeria. . I SHALL BE COMING TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR AN OFFICIAL MEETING ON TUESDAY AND I WILL BE BRINGING YOUR FUNDS THROUGH AN ATM MASTER CARD OF( $15 Million United State Dollars) ALONG WITH ME BUT THIS TIME I WILL NOT GO THROUGH CUSTOMS BECAUSE AS AN AMBASSADOR TO NIGERIA, I AM A US GOVERNMENT AGENT AND I HAVE THE VETO POWER TO GO THROUGH CUSTOMS. AS SOON AS I AM THROUGH WITH THE MEETING I SHALL THEN PROCEED TO YOUR ADDRESS. (SEND YOUR CELL PHONE NUMBER AND THE ADDRESS WHERE YOU WANT ME TO BRING THE PACKAGE).

YOU HAVE REALLY PAID SO MUCH IN THIS DELIVERY THAT MAKES ME WONDER. YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE I SHALL BE BRINGING IT MYSELF AND THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT. CHECK HERE: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/W._Stuart_Symington_(diplomat) THERE IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO BE GREAT DOUBT AND DISTRUST IN YOUR HEART IN RESPECT TO THIS EMAIL COUPLED WITH THE FACT THAT SO MANY MISCREANTS AND IMPOSERS (SCAMMERS) HAVE TAKEN POSSESSION OF THE INTERNET TO FACILITATE THEIR NEFARIOUS DEEDS, THEREBY MAKING IT EXTREMELY DIFFICULT FOR GENUINE AND LEGITIMATE BUSINESS CLASS PERSONS TO GET ATTENTION AND RECOGNITION

YOUR PACKAGE( $15 Million United State Dollars) MUST BE REGISTERED AS AN AMBASSADORIAL PACKAGE FOR ME TO DEFEAT ALL ODDS AND THE COST OF REGISTERING IT IS $300 THE FEE MUST BE PAID IN THE NEXT 50 HOURS VIA WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM SO THAT ALL NECESSARY ARRANGEMENT CAN BE MADE BEFORE TIME WILL BE AGAINST US.YOU SHOULD SEND THE FEE DIRECTLY TO THE CARGO REGISTRATION OFFICER WITHTHE INFO BELOW- THEN AFTER THE PAYMENT YOU SEND ME THE SLIP FORCONFIRMATION


Receiver Name;UBAKA SAMUEL.
Address: Lagos,Nigeria
Amount ...$300
MTCN:...............

AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE FEE MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE PAYMENT INFORMATION. MY FLIGHT IS TUESDAY AND I EXPECT YOU TO COMPLY BEFORE THEN SO THE DELIVERY CAN BE COMPLETED. IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, THEN IT WILL NOT BE MY FAULT IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE YOUR PACKAGE.

SIGN
Ambassador Stuart Symington
CELL PHONE...+2348135793843

Kindly reply to this Email  ( ambassadortonigeria04@gmail.com )
CHECK HERE VIEW MY DATA: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
W._Stuart_Symington_(diplomat).  


I guess the intended recipient of the $300 fee is Symington's Nigerian hooker.

Well...I've heard from ol' Stu before.  And with a nickname like Stu, you kinda have a feel for how the edit of this scammer email is going to go.  Like after 20 years of baiting and abusing email scammers, some of the responses haven't become a bit predictable:

Embarrass the United States by Eating Their Ambassador
Plot 1075 Culinary Diplomat Drive
Central District Area, Abuja.
W. Stuart Symington (hors d'oeuvre)

Good Day...unless it's me being et,

THIS IS the former Ambassador Stuart Symington Ambassador to Nigeria, before the Nigerians ate me at a gala fete they said was in my honor. 

I did not like it...one bit.

Oh no....they gobbled my toe.

Oh gee...they've reached my knee.

Oh fiddle...they've wolfed down my middle.

Oh heck...they're chomping my neck.

Oh dread...you can guess the rest.

In hindsight -- and when you're being eaten, you can sometimes see your behind during the process -- it makes me wonder why you weren't hired for this job instead of me.  YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY PERSON BECAUSE IF YOU WERE ME, YOU'D BE WORKING YOUR WAY THROUGH A LOT OF DIGESTIVE TRACTS RIGHT NOW, AND COMING OUT THE ASS IN THAT CONDITION IS...WELL...NOT BEEN ONE OF MY BETTER DAYS.  THERE IS ABSOLUTELY GOING TO BE GREAT DOUBT AND DISTRUST IN YOUR HEART IN RESPECT TO THIS EMAIL COUPLED WITH THE FACT THAT SO MANY MISCREANTS AND IMPOSERS (SCAMMERS) HAVE TAKEN POSSESSION OF THE INTERNET TO FACILITATE THEIR NEFARIOUS DEEDS, THEREBY MAKING IT EXTREMELY DIFFICULT FOR GENUINE AND LEGITIMATE BUSINESS CLASS PERSONS TO GET ATTENTION AND RECOGNITION.

Good thing that I'm not one of the latter.

Now, if you'll only send $300 to the yardbird listed below:  

Receiver Name;UBAKA SAMUEL.
Address: Lagos,Nigeria
Amount ...$300
MTCN:...............

I can complete this rather disgusting digestive process, and perhaps what's left of me can be reconstituted at the sewage treatment plant.

IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY, THEN I WILL HAVE BEEN EATEN FOR NO GOOD PURPOSE.  LIKE THERE WAS ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

SIGN
Former Ambassador Stuart Symington, Lately Digesting
CELL PHONE...+2348135793843

Kindly reply to this Email  ( ambassadortonigeria04@gmail.com )
W. Stuart Symington (hors d'oeuvre)  

 

 

The pretending 'Stu' didn't bother replying to this.  Consumed with rage, I reckon...