When A BMW Ain't

Hmm.  My character 'won' a BMW.

In 2015.

Siwwy scammer.

Here's how that flying twat waffle iron of nonsense got belatedly started:


BMW LOTTERY DEPARTMENT5070 WILSHIRE BLVD
LOS ANGELES. CA 90036 NEIGHORHOOD: MID WILSHIRE
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
EMAIL: bmwoffice77@gmail.com

Dear Winner:

NOTE: If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, that is
because of the restrictions implemented by your Internet Service
Provider, we (BMW) urge you to treat it genuinely.

Dear BMW Enthusiast,
This is to inform you that you have been selected for a prize of a
brand new 2015 Model BMW 7 Series Car and a Check of $1,500,000.00 USD
from international programs held on the 2nd section 2015 in the UNITED
STATE OF AMERICA.
Your email address was picked from our international programs held on
the 2nd section 2015 in the UNITED STATE OF AMERICA.
The selection process was carried out through random selection in
ourcomputerized email selection system (ESS) from a database of over
250,000 email addresses drawn from all the continents of the world
which you were selected.  


My character -- not being much of a BWM enthusiast -- put on my pet rock's editing hat ("phfffffffffffft!") and came up with this reply that went back to the scammer, 100 of his collies and steers, and one douche nozzle in North Dakota:

From: Mrs Rachael Adams <info@bmw.com>
Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2016 5:41 AM
To: Recipients
Subject: Deer Winner  

BMW LOTTERY DEPARTMENT
5070 WELSHER BLVD
LOST ANGLESS CALIFORLORNIA 90036

AMERICA HOUSE WITH NO MEIN
EMAIL: bmwoffice77@gmail.com

NOTE: If you received this message in your SPAM/BULK folder, that is
because of the restrictions implemented by your Internet Service
Provider, we are defecate for you to treat it genuinely.

Dear BMW Enthusiast,
This is to inform you that you have NOT been selected for a prize of a
brand new 2015 Model BMW 7 Series Car and a Check of $1,500,000.00 USD
from international programs held on the 2nd section 2015 in the UNITED
STATE OF CALIFORLORNIA.

You winned a deer instead.

Your email address was picked from our international programs held on
the 2nd section 2015 in the UNITED STATE OF CALIFORLORNIA. 

We believe we said that, Doctor.

The selection process was carried out through random selection in
our abacus controlled Atari computer email selection system (ESS)

we stole from a tribe of monkeys that stripped a Sony PS 3 for parts

for their home email server they were maintaining for Hellary Clinton

that everyone has hacked over 250,000 email from.

 The BMW Lottery was never approved by BMW, though Mercedes is

knowd to have pranked BMW last April 1 and that prank is still working

its way around the internet in various floormats, which apparently includes

this one.  

The British Gaming Board and also the International Association of Gaming

Regulators (IAGR) have no idea what any of this is about.  That's because

we sent this to them in Azerbaijani.

.
To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact our deer

capturing department for more information as
regards procedures to claim your deer.

Name:mr:David Johnson
Email:bmwoffice77@gmail.com

Contact him by whatever means you has available, and don't worry about

providing him with your secret pin code Number
BMW:6743222009/13 since it is meaningless babble.  You is also adviced

to provide to him with the informations below soonest:

1. What you're full of.
2. Address or jeans.
3. Nation.
4. Age of any virgin goats you may have.
5. What's occupied you lately.
6. Phone/Fax.
7. Present Country within Aforelisted Nation.
8. Email address.
9. 100 words or less on why winning a deer from BMW is so very f**king strange.

Mrs. Rachael Adams.

DIRECTING PROMOTIONS WHILE GIVING BIRTH TO AN INFLATABLE HELLARY PUNCH DOLL
BMW LOTTERY DEPARTMENT
DISASSOCIATED STATE OF CALIFORLORNIA  

 

 

My pet rock, Seymour, thinks that now Audi will get in on pranking BMW as well, and it'll be my character's fault.