My Scammers Are Smart As Bidumb

It began innocuously enough.  A scammer sent me an online ploy.  I rewrote it and sent it back.  A day later, "sent from my Nokia phone", he replied to my rewrite:

"BASTARD".

I suppose, if I were to compare that response to one from an English teacher grading a Basic Composition assignment, my grade might have been an F.

Or an A.  Depends on how you view the whole thang.

I know my view.  It inspired me to excel, sort of.

So I wrote up an email -- crafted it without something to edit from -- and sent it out to every email scammer in my address book, accredited to the scammer that started this dawg and pony show.

Here 'tis:

From:  Dr. Milton Daniel

milton.daniel6010@yahoo.co.uk <milton.daniel6010@yahoo.co.uk>;

danielmilton935@yahoo.com.hk <danielmilton935@yahoo.com.hk>;

Office (call anytime, day or night; my Nokia phone is always ready):  +447035930235

My name is Milton Daniel.  I'm a doctor*, and I am an expert in flavor tasting mucus.  But that isn't important now.

I have writed to you this day because I am also a proboscistologist.  That is the combined medical sciences of nasal and anal issues.  Bet you didn't know that we did that.  Well, here in the UK part of Nigeria, we do that, and I have exciting news that explains why.

I knocked up your pet chinchilla by osmosis.  No, not the mormon brother and sister singers.  Osmosis is a scientific word.  It means something osmosic. 

F**k, just look it up.

Now for the news:  I have discovered how to help a person who puts their head up their ass all the time -- like you -- to clear the sh** out of their sinus passages!

I call it my probosconoscopy.  Try to say that three times fast in barlighting.  Or while pinned underneath that fatass Roseanne Barr.  In the case of the latter, that's a load of sh** you'll REALLY need my probosconoscopy to clean out!

At any rate, I have reserved for you a free exam and probosconoscopy.  Yes, FREE.  You just have to call or contact me on my phone or email addresses above.  Hurry and call or email me NOW, because my appointment book is filling fast!!!

* in the part of UK Nigeria Dr. Milton  is from, 'Doctor' means goat sodomizer

This email -- more than any I've rewritten of late -- seemed to have touched a nerve or two in Scamland.

From the named scammer -- whose email box I filled with about a dozen of this email, and 200 of his peers to read and react to it -- I got a plaintive "leave me alone!!!"  This too, sent from his Nokia phone.

Of course I didn't, and won't, until all of his email addresses he's contacted me via are disabled.

From scammer Lukas Mukemva <lukasmukemva@yahoo.com>; (who had a lotto scam), I got this Joe Bidumbesque reply:  If u climb ur tress u will find 1 there. y not go ahead. Baboon!!

That got Lukas an email all his own, copied to the same 200 scammers.  And probably a place on Bidumb's speech editing staff.  He hasn't responded to the email avalanche, and he'll keep getting it until his address goes belly up as well.

Last but not least, a scammer from previous engagments, Esther Warlord (estherwarlord@ymail.com), who hadn't responded to any of my email digs until being included in the Lukas Mukemva 'dump'.  This drew from her the following:  why why why u send me?

This was good for yet another email dump to the same lucky 200, with good ol' Esther as subject of discussion about the zen of platypus penises.

Since the 'dump' began, mailer-daemons have informed me that four scammer emails have been 'disabled'.

Four down...many, many more to go.