Pawdon Me Boyz

It was a day of firsts. I got trained. And trained. And detrained.

As my pet rock, Seymour is knowd to s(pr)ay, "phffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffftttttt!"

My current locale of employment is closed for a few weeks of renovation. So, my employer moved me to another location in the Metro area. One that, with one day's particular schedule, gave me an opportunity.

So I decided to try me out Denver's Regional Transportation District's overpriced pride and joy: Light Rail. Existing lines ran from downtown to south of the Denver Tech Center, and conveniently right past my temporary new location.

I caught the early bus from the park 'n ride knowd metrolly as 'Cold Springs'. With temperatures projected to hit near 100 degrees, there ain't a danged thing cold there. Not even at 6am. It was the earliest bus I've caught there. It was so early, I had a snorer two seats back wake me up, so's I could wake up the driver, when it was time to make with the vehicular throng, into the bowels of the big city.

25 minutes later, we arrived at the RTD park 'n ride at I-25 and Broadway, home to bus and the 'celebrated' Light Rail. After watching one four-car 'doodlebug' go by north-bound, I followed the thundering herd across the tracks, to await a southbound 'doodlebug'.

With a bell that sounded reminiscent of something from the Carol Burnett Show (whereon Tim Conway spoiled the skit after Harvey Korman rang the 'service' bell, and Conway responded "you tinkled, sir?"), the 'H' Line -- running from Union Station to Lincoln -- arrived, and we scattered for any available seats.

Of which, at that hour, there were many.

So here I was, on my first RTD 'doodlebug'. And it didn't take me long to decide on that name for it: it bucked, jumped, doodled, bobbed, weaved, and ran like...a really bad carnival ride.

Without the lines, overpriced popcorn and sodas.

Despite the ride, the 'H' Line performed better than advertised. It deposited me at the Dry Creek Station terminus a few minutes ahead of schedule, and within 2 walking blocks of my destination.

After a long, arduous day of being trained for a new facility, it was time to take the 'doodlebug' back to catch a west-bound express bus to Fried Springs. I expected an equally trouble-free experience.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

The 'doodlebug' that next came along was a tad late. Eh...I had plenty of time to catch my connecting bus at I-25 and Broadway.

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

As we approached the terminus at Colorado Boulevard, the 'doodlebug' started to unexpectedly slow...rapidly. It's a good thing I can make an unbraced, undignified fall look graceless. Lookin' out the winders of the now stopped-dead 'doodlebug', I was confronted with high walls and no forward view. And the terminus was nary in sight.

And there we sat, a speculatin' away, us passengers in various forms of dishevel.

Then the 'doodlebug' jerked forward. And jerked to a stop. Jerked forward. Jerked to a stop. It was like being caught on I-25 northbound at 6th Avenue during rush hour -- jerk, move, jerk stop, jerk, flip off, repeat -- 'cept we wuz on da 'celebrated' Light Rail. It tweren't 'sposed to feel like rush hour traffic.

But that's how we arrived at the Colorado Boulevard terminus.

It was then that we heard an announcement from the squeaky bugger who was drivin' the 'doodlebug': train was experiencing mechanical difficulties.

Duh.

We finally 'doodlebug'ged ala jerk to the University of Denver terminus, where we was all chased from the 'doodlebug' by the squeaky bugger who was drivin' the broked 'doodlebug'. He assured us that "there's another one a minute behind us".

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

Make it 5 minutes. And make that one full 'doodlebug'.

We finally arrived at I-25 and Broadway...just in time for me to see the bus I needed, driving off into the solar flare of a sunset.

Bad twain. Vewy, vewy bad twain.

Of course, I should have seen this coming...especially when you hear the name of the twain that bwoke in the middle of da twacks: it was...the 'F' Line.

One guess what the 'F' stood for....