Whatever -- The Musical

At an unnamed location, I recently learned that a local theatre group was doing research and working on a potential musical about Middle East terrorism.

I know where I could go with that, but why end this post on that note? Let's play a little, first.

I'm not much for musicals, I must admit. About as far as I ever got into musicals was a local dinner theatre that always slanted to the side of improvisational funny.

And unlike their musical operatic counterparts, they never looked like disheveled Vikings from Nordland, or Capital One ads.

More classical music operas would probably bore me to tears, if not see me going over like a fart in a diver's suit when I laughed during the fat lady singing.

I'm not called a cultural barbarian for nothing.

As this subject got discussed at work -- and as frequently happens to any conversation I'm a part of, there or anywhere else -- it devolved into musicals made out of movies. Titanic The Musical came out on Broadway before Titanic the movie (and I had my own fun with the musical version about 15 years ago, but I digress). The bomb of a movie Little Shop Of Horrors went on to become, in the minds of some, a much more widely heralded musical.

I've always wondered why some movie ideas never wound up as Broadway fodder. For example, Jaws -- The Musical. Just imagine a moving, poignant duet of Quint and Jaws, singing Saying Something Stupid Like I Bite You.

I've had three concussions, so this crap isn't hard for me to imagine. And I don't have to worry about how Frank Sinatra might not like it.

Why didn't Rambo ever go Broadway? Imagine the town sheriff, doing a heartful rendition of the Doors Light My (Town On) Fire.

As I said...I've had three concussions, so this crap comes easy for me.

I suppose that anything Broadway wants to adapt from Hollyweird, could be constrained by what can be fit on a stage. *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER* It didn't stop them from doing Titanic The Musical.

So why not Star Wars -- The Musical? Why not Indiana Jones And The Last Musical? Why not Pearl Harbor -- The Badly Written Musical by the same director that trashed the subject in a movie?

I'll bet Gremlins would make one helluva musical, right? A little tweaking, and I'll bet a rewrite of the bubble gum hit Yummy Yummy Yummy I've Got You In My Tummy, sung by the entire Stripe Gremlins Choir, would bring the house down, just like it did the movie theater in the movie.

Think of what kind of musical mileage you could get out of Meg Ryan's faked orgasm with the musical When Harry Met Sally. That one would be tailor made for the fat lady to beller.

At any rate, Broadway doesn't need my help to come up with musicals. Nor would the theater group with their notion of a musical based on terrorists. They don't need me to suggest that their musical can't end until the fat lady blows up.