Polling Pique

Telephone pollsters need to remember that sometimes, they'll get a direct answer and not talking-points drivel.

While the Pity and Cowed-ty of Denver prepares for the DNC the last week of Arggust -- and the freak show builds toward a septic crescendo there during -- there seems to be an increase in telephonic poll-taking going on. Not all of these pollsters seem to stay up on current events. Or, have been fully briefed on how to dodge questions about some events.

Like, for example, the scandal of the Democratic National Convention Committee, getting gas at the Denver City Municipal pumps, and paying no federal or state gas taxes on it. When that fact came up during a Denver City Council meeting, it went over like a porcupine enema.

Mayor Hickenlooper -- reacting quickly to quell the outrage over the revelation -- responded that he knew "it was a fact that the Republicans were doing the same thing in Minneapolis".

Something that the RNC and city officials there quickly disproved. Mayor Hick got real hard to reach for comment after that.

Eh...politics and hypocrisy go hand-in-pocket. The taxpayers'.

At any rate, most of the telephone polling crap I manage to dodge by leaving my tacky voice message (for now) to take the calls (it involves references to "the power of cheese" and audible flatulence; 'nuff said). But the other evening, while mellowing out with some music on the 'puter, my phone rang. Fool that the caller was, I answered it.

It was one of those poll-takers, asking for just a few minutes of my time, to answer a few quick questions. The type of poll wasn't immediately revealed, but since she had a rather pleasant voice, I cautiously consented to play along, wishing I could do a credible imitation of South Park's Eric Cartman.

It might have been better for my caller if I could have.

It started with a question about if I was eligible to vote in the presidential election; I affirmed that I both was and planned to do so. She then asked me my party affiliation, which I stated to be unaffiliated (as I have been since '99). Then a subtle bias began to come through as she asked me how I felt about the "history being made in Denver, with the Democratic National Convention coming to town, and the first black presidential nominee to a major political party", or some such. My musically mellowed mood dimmed when I realized the direction my pollsterette wanted to go here, and that tell-tale *TOING* in my head went off, signalling "game on" (what follows here is paraphrased as best as I recalled and wrote out after the conversation):

Me: Personally, I could care less.

Her: Uh....but why? This is history in the making..

Me: Since you asked, I remind you that I am unaffiliated, and the cornudopia of freaks and loonies that are coming to misrepresent the American Dream into the American Scream, simply don't give me that fuzzy, warm-all-over feeling.

Her: *apparently knocked off her script for a minute*...uh...are you planning to attend any of the DNC events?

Me: As I said, I'm unaffiliated. But if I can get some of that tax-free gasoline the DNCC's been illegally consuming since March, I'll come down there and hold up any sign you want me to hold and shake.

Her: What do...what are you talking about?

Me: What cave are you living in? The DNCC was getting gas at the Denver Municipal gas pumps, and not paying any taxes on it. Or, for that matter, paying for any of it. What a deal!

Her: Uh...I don't know what you're talking about..

Me: Of course, I'm wandering off your talking points. My apologies. Pointing out an obvious, blatant hypocrisy is bad form on my part.

Her: *note of annoyance* Can I get back to my questions?

Me: Are any of them about a party that advocates raising taxes on energy, while giving their hierarchy and conventioneers tax-free gas?

Her: *something being said to someone in the background*...Sir, have you decided on the candidate that you're planning to support in November, or are you still undecided?

Me: *game so on here* Oh yes, I have decided, and it was only recently, after hearing the candidates and their energy policies. Hands down and other appendages up, I'm supporting Paris Hilton for President, over the wrinkled old guy and the changeling..

Her: *again talking to someone in background, so I go on*

Me: Besides the fact that she's way hotter than either of them, and with all the right working assets...

Her: *Click*

Luvs it. Though, I guess that means no tax-free gas for me.