Monday, April 23, 2007

Parliamentary, My Dear Buffoon


"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHH!"
No doubt about it: Howard Dean's 'shriek' at the Iowa Caucus was THE definitive moment of Election 2004. This sound byte will be with us beyond Generation Z-plus.
Granted, it's only April of 2007, but the ramp-up for the presidential election of 2008 is already rolling. Both primary parties have a host of candidates fund-raising and providing verbal gaffes with which to provide grist for their opponents.
For me, personally, the interest in this otherwise *yawn* time of the election cycle is in the email I get. From third parties. Some of them really waaaaaay out there.
Somehow, I wound up on the emailing list of the...uh..."USA Parliament Party". The alleged "leader" of this peculiar party identifies himself (in the email) as "MP James Ogle", and starts off with the following...uh...commentary:
"The US Parliament is only involved in voting. I am a volunteer vote counter. I warn everyone, the way this guy has ranked everything from one up may be pretty groovy and everything, but a parliamentary coalition is about 100 people making similar rankings...a democratically legit, elected BoD.
We need this kind of "all party" conciliatory language to all independent voters, insiders integrated with outsiders, represented as equals (first 100 receiving 1/101th plus one vote) not dictators. A group up people elected under pure proportional representation (PR)...
Now fortunately, I have prepared such a ballot to be released on 4/20/2007, where you can sit back and vote online, or get people to vote on the paper ballot, for a new BoD at;
All new write-in BoDs receiving 1/101th plus one vote, will wield exactly 1/100ths of the "power" on the BoD, when voters are counted ~ 100 days later on 8/6/2007.
Any other way is less mathematically correct, but we (the ruling coalition, those approving said rules) are open to improvements. And this is a national cycle, starting on 1/1/2008, every year. In fact, I personally mailed the schedule to all known 19 remaining MMPs (of the 100 on "Normandy Beach" see www.pot-party.com) which is like a decimated force #1, elevent and 1/2 minutes into Normandy's D-Day, and the supply lines were supplied on February 5, as promoted every year".
(Y'all following this so far? Me neither, but I digress and the email babbles on)
"We hope by the 12th minute (12th year anniversary on 8/6/2007) to have made more progress, but by current schedule, the Battle of the Bulge is 150,000 years in the future".
(Say WHA..?).
"Let's please pay attention to the task at hand, the good ship US Central California (http://www.usparliament.org/c-cal.htm). The machine gun nests are under siege on the cliffs above, but we are still in dissaray, splintnered, decimated, undersupplied, and ineffective. Most of here are suffering from shell-shock, are physically unable to go forward, and statitistically things look bad, as we have pushed only about 20 feet ahead from shore, and are being driven backwards".
-- James Ogle [Parliamentary]
volunteer vote counter
Finally, he says something that made sense: he (and/or his efforts) emanate from, or are targeted toward, 'Central California', with 'California' being the operative part of the "ahhh, now I get it!".
He's a flake, from a state overrun widdem.
Once more, this message is nothing more than a tap on the *delete* key. Or should have been.
Instead...I recalled another 'flake' from TV land, with delusions of something-er-other that involved a large tract of California, too. Granted, his time was represented to be about 130 years ago. And granted, out of 105 episodes on the show from which he tried to carry forth his various and sundry nefarious remakes of the Califorlornia landscape, he only appeared in 10.
But for fans of The Wild Wild West, those ten episodes were their favorites.
So I did respond to this modern-day version of Dr. Miguelito Loveless, and in a manure I figured he'd understand:
Dr. Strangely-Loved Miguelito Loveless:
Your language is as obtuse as your scheme, however brilliantly hatched before too much glue-sniffing impeded the verbiage flow and conjugation. I'd suggest an open window to help clear the air, prior to the next rounds landing atop Pointe du Hoc, which seems to be located within shrapnel range of your word processor.
Online voting for absolutely nothing relevant or meaningful! How absolutely like a Califorlornian to campaign on behalf of! Is ACORN helping you assemble your voting registrants and lists? Surely now, they will provide you with lists replete with the dead, the fictional, the etched and sketched, drawn and quartered or some other measure of fraction.
Perhaps this will parliamentarily allow you to advance off Omaha Nebraska, onto the bluffs of Council (across the river in Iowa, for those what don't know what I just did there). Perhaps this will allow you to speed up the final reclamation in the Ardennes by, say, at least 100,000 years. In any event, the scheme is certainly obfuscatory enough that it might lead some to vote for Pat Paulsen, even as he's dead going on 10 years now.
I must point out, however, Dr. Loveless: you failed in ten episodes against the clever and wiley James West, point-man for The Man. What makes you think you can best him NOW?
I did end this reply with a question, after all; an answer was but a day in coming:
...ahh yea, Pat Paulsen was in the poll when I started it in '95 online, when I ran for Gov of Callifornia as a Green, also online (*TOING*). Maybe Google liked my logo, joogle, who knows? Anyway, please get back to me about what you're doing...I'm trying to unite independents and 3rd parties under a voting system. Imagine a regular voting system as a sngle shot gun, then imagine a ballot of 120 names where you rank all 120 (or more) as an auto-matic with 120 (0r more) rounds.
That's the knd of power behind this concept, a stack of ballots, where people rank multipe choices [the more the bnetter]. The current system has the people so constricted, that there is no democrtic crteativity allowed. That's where we excell.
You could name your own ministry, you know. Go here (http://www.usparliament.org/cabinet1.htm) and see where you may fit in.
MP James Ogle
Dang...never been offered to name my own ministry before. Made up a couple for the purposes of yanking the chains of Nigerian 419ers, but those were fictional. Here, I'm offered the opportunity to make one up that ain't fictional...sorta.
After reviewing their list of twelve "full" ministries, "under consideration" ministries, and the available seats as a "deputy minister", I determined that I was best up to serving in a 'new' ministry: The Ministry of Consumer Protection & Scam-Baiting. I informed Dr. Strangely-loved Miguelito Loveless that with my years of experience in fencing with these various and sundry cretins, I was eminently qualified to hold such a post.
Dependent on the reply -- if any -- there might be a Part II. Otherwise...just breath a sigh of relief that the US Parliamentary Party isn't a viable one in '08. Anymore than the National Barking Spider Resurgence Party is ;-)

3 Comments:

Blogger Karen said...

I hope you do get a response but I imagine they'll be so dumb-founded they may have a loss of words.

National Barking Spider Resurgence Party? It's about time! ROFL

24 April, 2007 12:05  
Blogger Monica said...

Spiders bark? Do not tell my daughter that. She'll never step foot outside again...geez.

26 April, 2007 10:35  
Blogger Herb said...

Are you planning to run again? I'd vote for ya.

27 April, 2007 04:50  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home