Russian Threat of Global Humor

It's a wonder the political correctness police haven't been all over this just yet. So I guess I'll just have to pick up where they've dropped the ball.

It saddens me to have to pick it up and run widdit on one of my over-eager Russian bim...er...bride wannabes.

But it's for her own good. Ask any progressive.

In one of the many emails I'm now being deluged under in the From Russia With Scam series, Evgenia wrote the following in the body of her comments:

"I like humor and my slogan is 'Humor will save the world!! And what do you think about this?"

Poor, deluded 21 year old from the Russian Republic. She obviously doesn't keep up with all the latest politically correct thinkers of the day.

So leave it to ol' Le Skunk de Polecat to set her straight with this reply:

Dear Evigie:

I hope you don't mind me calling you Evigie. I could call you late to dinner, but perhaps you wouldn't get that. It's an insidious thing called humor.

And it's being banned.

Yes, my little 'built like a Kremlin Outhouse', banned.

You are singularly uninformed. It is not your fault, so I will singularly inform you. Global humor has been determined to be the greatest threat to world self-esteem, much as Al Gore's made up climatological "global warming/carbon offsets" scam. Did you ever stop to think, Evigie, that any one thing that you think is funny, someone else, somewhere else, might not? And thus, you might be laughing at someone elses' expense.

And that just isn't fair.

Take for example grits: American northerners (aka, Yankees) make fun of, and tend to abhor grits. American southerners (aka, rednecks) treat grits as a dietary diety, and bristle at any denigration of this coveted food by "danged fool Yankees". I'll bet you have borscht bashers who rile your Russian culinary purists, in a similar manner.

And it goes so much more wide than that: radical Muslims find humor in abducting Christians and Westerners, and making videos of hacking their heads off for slaps and giggles; Christians and Westerners don't find this very funny. A western newspaper cartoonist draws a funny editorial cartoon about Mohammad, and radical Islamists riot and burn Parisian Yugos to show their complete lack of humor on the subject.

Yak humor offends PETA and animal rights folks; gulag humor offends the KGB. Jokes about liberals offend socialists and progressives; jokes about 'crackers' offend Nabisco. The company that produces Spam is torqued about bulk email on the internet being referred to as "spam".

And so on.

No, my dear Evigie, global humor is a blight on the face of the Earth, and must be eradicated. Write back to me when you have expunged yourself of all *snicker laugh titter roars* and any residual *guffaw snorts*, so that you can reduce your humor footprint and achieve true humor neutrality, so that fewer offense and self-esteem issues are happening on a global scale. We must stamp out rampant global humor, before it is too late, and the offended rise 20 feet by 2036.

I'd tell you the joke about the blonde calling the computer support center, but it might offend you on any number of levels, so I won't.

Humorlessly,

Comrade Le Skunk de Polecat

Striving for 100% ha-ha free by 2008

Just think...I saved some poor chip-on-their-shoulder, no-life, politically correct buffoon/ette from being offended.

*oops*...